Deal of the Minds
by sammis
Summary: the war is over and Snape is left with nothing in his life, wanting to fill the gap he goes in search for a surrogate mother and who else would he choose other than Hermione Granger? Follow the emotional rollercoaster as our two stars find love and themse
1. Chapter 1

Surrogate mother challenge.

Disclaimer: don't own them (counts for all chapters).

**Chapters are being reposted due to the fabulous work of MadameMischief, when she offered me her help it would havehuge mistakefor me not to accept.**

A/N

Erm, Deebie author of **What E'er Therein Is Promised** on Ashwinder, your story had inspired me for this approach to the challenge. If you don't like me using your semi-plot please tell me and I will remove the story, if not I hope you like it as much as I like yours.

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"Your how old again?" Severus Snape regarded the wrinkled woman in front of him. She looked older than Albus. Severus was sitting in a small conference room in 'Mares For Hire' the wizards response for hiring a surrogate mother. Surrogacy wasn't an unknown answer for childless witches and wizards, it was just a rare occasion for a witch to be unable to reproduce. It was not uncommon for wizards, who want to carry on their family name without the hassle of an annoying woman hanging on at the belt all the time, to seek out other means. This was the reason why Severus was there interviewing the 23rd and final application. His search was limited as he didn't only need a womb to carry a child, but an egg as well to also create the child. So far everyone he had seen was just not good enough to produce a Snape.

"120 at the end of the month sir." The Woman, Karen he thought her name was, he couldn't remember it but it didn't matter anyway. She wore a horrid green crushed velvet robe, which was threadbare and had what remained of her dinner down it. Her hat was a rather large red umbrella-like thing with a stuffed bird on top and the old carpet bag that rested on the floor beside her smelt like a dead animal. Severus hoped there wasn't really one inside it.

"Very well, you may go now. I doubt I will be contacting you again." Severus dismissed the woman. She had said three things in as many minutes to condemn her. She was clearly unqualified for the job. Those were: "You know, we could try it the old fashion way.", "I have a slight deformed hand, see how its looks like a dead spider?" His favorite was "I can put my leg behind my head." She went on to demonstrate with that hat o her head, prompting her to fall off the chair altogether. Her robe was thrown up revealing what she called clean underwear.

Once she had left the room, he looked down at her application form and noticed her last name. He spoke it aloud with no small display of disgust. "Longbottom, I should have guessed." Then he left the small office and made his way back to Hogwarts. The day, he summed up, had been a waste of his time.

Hermione regarded the oak door that held the Devil behind it. Looking around taking notice of the nearest exits, she lifted her hand and knocked soundly on the wood. It had been just over a year since she had left Hogwarts with the rest of her seventh year classmates, but only six months since they had defeated Voldemort in the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Now Hermione wanted to continue her education further. The danger was gone, and her education awaited her. All that stood in her way now was getting her devilish professor to agree to take her on.

"Enter" called a voice from within.

"Good Morning Professor Snape," said Hermione as she complied cautiously. She had far too much experience with the man to not be wary in his presence.

"No, now go away," snarled Snape not looking up from the cauldron he was working over to address her. Still determined to gain his attention, Hermione walked up to her former Professor. Before she could say anything he snapped "I see you still are incapable of following orders."

"It will only take a second and you can carry on with what your doing at the same time." Steeling herself for the snide remarks she knew were coming and ridding herself of the fear that was left over from having been in his class, Hermione awaited his response. He stood still not moving a muscle, then he slowly turned around to face her.

"You silly twit…" Snape stopped mid-sentence as if he only just realized who he was speaking to, and took the whole of Hermione in. He let out a breath of air as he weighed the likeness of her bearing a child worthy of his name. It seemed every woman he come across he would scrutinize in this manner. He had found himself analyzing McGonagall at dinner and still shuddered at the thought that he had even entertained the notion. Hermione wasn't that disagreeable. She seemed to be the best candidate so far. Her OWL and NEWT scores rivaled his own, and her appearance wasn't that of a 120 year old witch. That was a definite plus. If he was going to have to live with a woman for nine months while she bore his child she had better be at least pleasant to look at. He also had to consider that her genes would be in the child as well and he certainly didn't want a hideous heir. The majority of Hermione's time was spent exercising her mind, and she had played an important enough role, though it was less than his, in the defeat of Voldemort. On the down side she was annoying and a Gryffindor. He wasn't going to risk a child of his turning out to be a…Gryffindor. He doubted she was here to offer him the use of her womb and egg anyway. Breaking out of his thoughts he sighed. "Is anything that I might say to put you off bothering me?"

"No and it really will only take a second of your time, I swear." Hermione pleaded.

"That's almost as bad as saying 'Trust me, I'm a Slytherin'." Snape muttered, but not low enough for Hermione not to hear.

"Are you openly mocking your own house?" Hermione asked smiling, as she pulled a stool out to sit on. It was like being in another universe. Snape was being approachable, even pleasant. Maybe the years have finally gotten to him and the fumes from all the cauldrons cant have helped that much either.

"You've have yet to make your point Miss Granger." Snape raised an eyebrow at her audacity in taking a seat without being asked to, it was clear that her manners were diminishing. Yet he didn't say anything about her manners and waited for her continue. He found himself somewhat interested in what she had to say.

"I want to become your apprentice." Hermione spoke clearly and with out any hitch in her voice. Her hands were close to shaking with nerves though. She figured it wouldn't of been so bad if Snape was acting like his normal bat-like-devil-born-beast-of-the-dungeon self.

"Miss being a student that much?" Snape asked. Hermione was relived to hear some form of sarcasm come from his lips.

"No and yes. I don't MIND being a student, and an apprenticeship is the only way to become a Potions Mistress. I've looked at other Potions Masters and Mistresses who offer apprenticeships, and I know that you don't often do so, but the others' teaching methods are just plain stupid compared to yours. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just mean where's the sense of teaching how to make shampoo and offer cosmetic stuff when there's a lot more _important_ things to be learnt." Hermione stopped herself from going any further, knowing her ranting wasn't going to help the likeliness of her being accepted.

"So you would get an education worth the title of Potions Mistress but I don't see what I could possibly get out of three years of teaching _you._" Snape sneered the last part. Granger was worth teaching; she would live on to become an accomplished potions mistress. Her intelligence would not do to be wasted, but a Snape never does anything without getting something in return.

"I could take over the first years lessons, do the marking, and make simple potions which will free up a lot of your time." Hermione suggested hopefully.

"Not good enough." Snape answered returning his attention to the potion simmering on the desk, giving Hermione the impression that he was losing interest in her. That was exactly what Snape was aiming for.

"Is there _anything_ at all which will make you consider me?" Hermione asked sighing heavily. She shook her head at the hopelessness of it all.

"There might be one thing." Severus had been milling it over in his mind since he had deemed her worthy of producing a Snape. He had hoped the conversation would end with her offering anything, even the use of her womb and egg. It was worth a shot, it wasn't like he was going to lose a friend or anything by suggesting it. "I am reaching the prime of my life Miss Granger; at the age of 45 my health is just going to go down hill from now. There is one thing I have left to fulfill in my life. Now before I go on are you sure you would do _anything_ to get this apprenticeship?"

"Within reason, tell me what it is you want. The worst thing that could happen would be for me to say no." Hermione sat watching as Snape paused his work on the potion and pulled a stool up beside her.

"Very well, before you say anything listen to what I have to say and the reason behind it." Snape said. "I have been searching for a while now for a surrogate mother. Every witch I have come across has not been suitable enough for my expectations. That is every one but you, Miss Granger."

"Well I—"

"Let me finish." Snape held up his hand and spoke softly to her. "I will be very grateful if you are willing to, for the price of your apprenticeship and additional money as well, become the surrogate mother of my child. It will also mean the use of one of your eggs as well."

"How would it be done?" Hermione asked, this was a good sign for Severus as it showed she was considering the option, or had yet to refuse it.

"Magically of course and discreetly. I do not want people to know that the egg would be one of yours."

"Is that because I'm Muggle-born?" Hermione asked sounding insulted.

"Of course not, it is simply because I don't want the child to have a mother. I don't want a woman playing a part in their life, even though it is half theirs, the child shall be raised as a Snape. It is hard to explain."

"No, I understand. The child is being born for your benefit, you don't want to be tied down to a woman you don't care for just because she bore your child." Hermione didn't look like she hated the idea, she even seemed to understand why it was to be done the way he wanted. "You mentioned payment?"

"A thousand Gallons plus a free apprenticeship." Snape replied. She might just accept he thought gleefully. "You shall also share my quarters for the duration of the pregnancy if only for my reassurance of the health of you and the child."

"When would it happen? the conception, I mean." Hermione's thoughts was all over the place. She would get paid a thousand and get a three year apprenticeship for free just for an egg and nine months of intense agony. The weight gain, vomiting, sore breasts, going to the loo all the time, stretch markers, spider veins and she was sure something happened to the teeth as well, was it worth it? Nine months of hell and living with the Devil.

"If you agree it would be when you feel ready for it, I do not wish to push it upon you." Severus paused and thought for a brief moment before continuing. "If you do agree I would like you to sign a contract confirming that you will have no responsibility for the child, all rights would be mine and also no one is to know it's your child, even the child itself."

"That's understandable." Hermione weighed the points. Nine months of pregnancy, two years watching it grow up and not being able to raise it herself and in return she would have a thousand gallons and a Potions Mistress degree. "But it's the two years of watching it and not being able to play a role with its upbringing that makes me hesitant to agree."

"I do not expect you to ignore the child for those two years, I'm sure there will be times for you to interact with it, just no bonds can be formed." Snape replied, his chest was filling up with hope, she was going to agree. He will have his child.

"Ok then." Hermione agreed, knowing it wasn't the smartest thing she has ever done. "You write up the contract starting from September 1st, which gives me three weeks to prepare and get use to the idea of being pregnant. Send it to me once it's complete and I will sign if its agreeable. I swear, Gryffindor honor, not to tell anyone that the child i'm going to conceive in September will be half mine."

A/N what do you think guys? Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

The beta had arrived! Thanks MadameMischief! chapter is reposted!

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Chapter 2

"You're bloody nuts! I mean it's a lot of money, but it would be his child. I mean _his _child, Mioney. Listen, I'll talk to my dad and you can get a job at the Ministry with Harry and me instead. Does that sound good to you?" Ron patted Hermione's hand from across the table they shared at the Three Broomsticks. They had met earlier that day; Hermione had been getting some books about pregnancy and the Wizard law. It was when Ron had knocked over her bag, and the books had fallen out that she had had to tell him about being a surrogate mother for Snape. "It's a good bloody thing its not going to be your child genetically otherwise I would have carted you off to St Mungo's ages ago. I mean you have to have a screw lose to agree to have a child with Snape just for an apprenticeship. I know you like learning and every thing, but it just seems a bit unethical or sumit."

"Thanks Ron." Hermione said huffily sipping from her Butterbeer. "I think I'm doing mankind a favor, maybe Snape will change into a better person when he has a child."

"I just got one question Hermione." Ron took both of her hands in his and looked deeply in her eyes. Hermione held a breath as she waited for his question. "Is that bird over there giving me the eye?"

"Ron!" Hermione cried as she hit him in the arm. "I thought you were going to say something intelligent then."

"Hermione, just don't get hurt will you?" Ron looked concerned as he spoke, even though his concentration was ruined every few seconds as he would look over at the 'bird' smile and nod his head at her. She knew he cared about what she was going to do, but he had a dreadful way of showing it. After he had been grinning and nodding his head at the woman for well over what Hermione called 'a casual glance', she drew back her hand and clipped him one around the ear. "OUCH, what you do that for?"

"Stop staring, you're scaring the poor lass, look at her! She thinks she's got something in her teeth and what's with all the head bobbing? You got a twitch?" Hermione asked raising her eyebrows knowing full well the twitch he had wasn't anywhere near his neck. "Look go buy her a drink, I've got to go anyway and don't go doing that thing."

Looking utterly confused and slightly insulted, even though he didn't know what there was to be insulted about. Ron asked indignantly "What 'thing'."

"Telling her you're the lead singer of some band, and you're looking for a witch who can go 'ooooohhh' really smutty like, and ask her to audition right on the spot." Hermione smiled sweetly as she gathered her bags and moved away from the table. "I'll see you around; I wouldn't be surprised if I was the size of a balloon by then."

"You're still going to do it?" Ron's look of indignantly was quickly replaced with the more well known one of puzzlement.

"Well, I did say I would, but it's not final until I sign, right?" Hermione leaned down and kissed Ron on the cheek before heading towards the doors. She had just short of two weeks left to form a plan, and to find all the loop-holes and options she could. It would have helped if she had the contract to look over. Bloody Snape taking his time. If she could she would shake her fist at him, menacing like too.

So here it was in black and white, her fate. It wasn't as complicated as she expected it. Just a plain piece of parchment with his script on it underlining the aspects of the contract. After passing many spells on it she was unhappy to note that it was a magical contract. Once she signed it, the magic behind it would force her to comply with its requirements and restrictions. Stupid untrusting wizard's, the only way out of the contract was to get Snape to burn it. Hermione read over it, unsure that it was as easy as it said. It read…

I, Hermione Jane Granger, have consented to be the Surrogate Mother to the child of Severus Snape. (He didn't have a middle name, Hermione noticed) The terms of this contract is that the biological mother of the child will never be known to anyone bar from Severus and myself. Once the child is born, I am not to play any role in the up-bring and I console that all rights to the child are Severus' alone.

This is in exchanged for a three year apprenticeship and the sum of a thousand Gallons. The terms of this contract will start from the 1st of September 2000 till 22nd of June 2003. The contract however will be legal from the 1st of September on, unless Severus Snape should decide to nullify it by burning it.

X (This, Hermione surmised was where she was meant to sign.)

Looking over it, Hermione hoped that Snape felt like a dick writing it in her words and referring to himself as Severus. He most likely didn't, but it did make her smile any less.

Hermione had done her research and the contract said she couldn't play a role after the birth, but nothing about during the pregnancy. So legally she was allowed to form a bond before the child was born, and Snape couldn't do anything about it. Plus, if she had read this right, being as the bond was formed before, it was not illegal to _keep_ the bond once the child was born, and gosh her head hurt from all this baffle.

It scared Hermione that here she would be taking such a big risk. If she did connect with the child, she would never be able to call it son or daughter. Never be called mum. And she would have to go through this for two year's. Would she not go insane at having _her_ child so close but not being able to lay any claim to it?

Well, she could always make Snape fall in love with her or at least to rely on her enough to want her around for the rest of his life. If she could make him fall in love with her, she didn't want it to be one-sided. And she did find him handsome and devily smart. During the time when they work together with for the Order before Voldemort's fall, Hermione admitted to herself that she did rather fancy him. But that was from having to spend hours with him making potions and it wasn't like they were going to spend the whole time not talking to each other. They did talk and they debated and even laughed together. Maybe it was the hardship of the times which made her cling onto any thing she could. After the war had ended Hermione hardly saw Snape and soon she forgot about liking him at all.

So could she fall in love with him and make him do the same?

There was only one way to find out. Picking up her quill Hermione signed and then regretted soon afterwards. She had only received it at 8 this morning and it was only just half past 11 now. Hermione hit her head of the desk in her bedroom of her parents' house and cursed her stupidity, and Gryffindor notions of 'liking a challenge'.

Rubbing her head Hermione began writing letters to Harry and the two youngest Weasleys to inform them of her plans for the next three years. Of course leaving out the fact that she was going to be the biological mother of Snape's child. She had until the 1st of September, that left her with nine days. Hermione stood and went to her wardrobe. if she was serious about seducing Snape, a new wardrobe was going to be in order. Changing to go to Hogsmade, Hermione planned to go to her Parents grave later in the day to explain to them what was happening.

Hermione's parents had died a week before the final battle, it was their brutal deaths at the hands of death eaters that made Hermione more determined to kill all those with anything to do with Voldemort. It wasn't until after the battle that Hermione was able to grieve for the parents that were snatched away from her. She had spent three weeks in her bedroom, refusing to deal with the lawyer's. Dumbledore had sent over Professor McGonagall to help her with the dealings of becoming alone. The first time she set foot out of the house was for the ceremony to hand out awards to those who had helped in the defeat of Voldemort. Hermione had received an Order of Merlin, First class. She had never taken the medal out of the presentation box. It lay at the back of her wardrobe in a shoe box filled with stuff from the war. Newspaper clippings from her parents deaths, and many of those who she didn't know were in there. The war was a horrific event that never should have happened. That box was never to be opened.

She had received a medal for the work she did with Snape before, as well as for the medical work, and fighting she had done in the final battle. At the ceremony she had been a mess, not really caring what happened around. She had to walk up the stage with Snape, he looked disgusted at being near her. Hermione had put it down to the way she had looked and smelt. Hermione was very shocked to find out later, that Snape hadn't been disgusted, he was angry at what had happened to her parents. He had been upset to see this happen to Hermione, and to watch her suffer.

Of course when she had asked why, she received the answer that Snape was upset that he was not told the Order of the plan to kill her parents, and he saw himself as a failure. He did _not_, this was made very clear, care for her in anyway and if she was happy to spend the rest of her life in a ruin, who was he to stop her. It was soon after that Hermione returned to getting on with her life. He was the reason why she was continuing her life. She owed him a lot, Hermione thought. Another reason why she should do this.

Once changed and ready Hermione left the house and headed towards the apparition points a few block's away. She mentally went through what she would need, maternity clothes, work clothes, sexy clothes and did they do sexy underwear for pregnant women? She could leave the maternity clothes until she started showing, then she could get Snape to go shopping with her. That meant buying underwear too, but what if they didn't do sexy underwear for mothers-to-be? She would have a look today and if they didn't she would stock up now, but if they did, well she would just have to leave it until later, Hermione thought with a wicked smile. She was not going to let Snape take her baby, even if he was entitled to, with out a fight.

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A/N I love all of your reviews. What do you think of this chapter? I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner. I'm going to send email in reply to review's, I might even reveal information to those who do, so please leave an email address if you're not signed in or if your email address isn't displayed.

Kiie: I'm glad you like and a big thank you for being my first review.

Porcelain Prayer: I want the story to be amusing but yet dramatic in a sense that makes you want to pee yourself. I was abit worried that the character's was a tad OOC. You've now settled my doubt.

SB: I rushed this chapter and I'm not very good with the whole grammar thing. I'm easily confused.

Kiss-of-cuteness: well of course people are bound to notice but this contract being made doesn't mean that Hermione can't say that she's a surrogate mother for Snape. I rushed the chapter. I wanted to get it posted before I went to bed so I know I've skipped a lot of detail.

Severus-Fan: I've never received so many positive feed back for the first chapter. Thanks a lot.

Innogen: I haven't read that fic but I will make sure I do. Hermione has got three weeks to reconsider her options and there's plenty of book read time in between as well.

Anarane Anwamane: Thanks for reviewing, it doesn't matter how long or short a review is, it still inspires people to write more. I still can't believe I've gotten so many reviews!

Pathatlon: An education is worth the world in Gallons. Remember things don't always go to plan.

Slytherin Queen: I know it seems a bit (for lack of a better word) blah but you have the gallons and the free apprenticeship, actually I wont tell you every thing now, but it will be explained more in this chapter.

Celi: Updating right now, I've only got 35mins until desperate housewife's is on but I shall write as much as I can.

SoBe Peach Tea: got to say I love your name.

BabyRuth/15: Keep on reading and you'll find out. I've yet to decide on a happy or sad ending yet.

FlairVerona: I'm glad you like it so far, I'll try to keep up making it interesting.

Snapesepanss: Everyone has there point where they have to say no. Hermione knows hers.

Natsuyori: I'm glad you think it's fantastic. I've never wrote anything that got such a response like this.

I can't believe how many reviews I've got for the first chapter. I might have to turn to email to reply to them though. Don't want the chapter to be just replies now.

Enjoy the chapter and if you haven't reviewed yet, please do so. And if you have do it again, I love hear peoples opinions (even bad) throughout the story.


	3. chapter 3

Repsted chapter! big thanks to madamemischief!

a/N Bad news, well semi-good news for me. Friday the 13th May, is my 18th birthday party. I only found out about it Monday and I've jut got so much to do. My parents have booked the place and sorted out food and music but the rest is left to me. Which is stressing, I've decided on a fairy and pirate theme, so I'm busy getting all the costumes and stuff. I'm going as a fairy!

With this said, I don't know if I will be able to update again before Friday 13th.

You know what else! Stupid council is taxing me and making me pay rent of 50quid a week and I'm still in full time education. Where's the logic? I only get 30 a week. Dole, here I come!

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter, which counts for all the chapters.

**Reviewers:** Check your email! Spiderweb: Thanks for reviewing.

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Chapter 3: Right, yeah that's going to work.**

Snape watched the crowd as he walked from apothecary he acquires his private potion ingredients from. He would use the schools supply, but they were as crappy as muggle school dinners. The magical ability in that stuff wasn't strong enough to roast a chicken with, let alone make Wolfsbane. Glancing at the witches and wizards that blended into the background, he was caught of guard by the very flushed face of Hermione Granger, who was heading right towards him with a smile on her face and several bags in her hands.

"Good afternoon Professor, I wasn't expecting to see you until the 1st." Hermione said warmly shifting the bags into the other hand.

"I can say the same." Severus looked down at the number of bags with disgust. "You are a witch Miss Granger, why haven't you shrunk those bags."

"Because it doesn't feel like I'm on a shopping spree if I haven't got anything to carry and I have shrunk some things." Hermione felt her face heat up as she thought of the huge granny pants that were stuffed in her pocket. It would seem that they did do sexy underwear for the pregnant, just not very comfortable looking stuff, so she bought the comfortable ones planning a trip out later in the year with the very man in front of her.

"Shopping spree?" Severus questioned rising an eyebrow; he couldn't understand women and clothes. Why was buying new clothes such an enjoyment for them? What's fun about suffering a crowded area just for a new pair of knickers? Severus had had the most wonderful experience of listening to two old bats (McGonagall and Sprout) comparing the experience of buying a new wardrobe with having very intense sex. Clothes won, it would seem they get more satisfaction from buying a new pair of knickers, than having them pulled off by a very horny wizard. This new insight to woman would explain Hermione's flushed appearance.

"I needed a new wardrobe. The last outfit I brought was the one for my parent's funeral. I thought a little update was in order for my new apprentice job." Hermione shrugged. "It beats staying at home all day. Is that why you're here? To get out of Hogwarts?"

"I do not stay at Hogwarts during the summer, I am the head of my family, I have my own manor and several others properties." Severus informed her briskly, he didn't like how she had mentioned her parent's death, the event still made his blood boil. She was too… he couldn't think of the word, she was just too much. She affected him to a point where he wouldn't regret killing her.

"Oh, it was just that you were at Hogwarts when I came about the apprenticeship, I just assumed…" She smiled at him again. Severus pondered the fact that she didn't seem to mind the fact that she was leasing her womb to him for nine months. In fact she seemed quite happy. What was she planning?

"You were wrong. As much as I enjoy standing in the middle of this…cattle yard…I must return to my shopping so I can return to the peace of my home." Severus regarded those around him, as they pushed and shouted. Yes, it was just like a cattle yard, each wizard or witch moving with confusion as to what was happening before they were lead off to the slaughter.

"We could go to the Three Broomsticks and have a drink. Get to know each other a bit." Hermione suggested. She hoped to spend some time with him to see if it was possible to spend the next three years with him as well as to make him _and_ herself fall in love with each other at the same time. Not to mention the baby.

"I don't have the time to." Severus said curtly.

"Please? It will help us to get to know each other a bit better before we move in together." Hermione smiled sweetly trying hard not to flutter her eyelashes, the urge to do so was a strong one, but she hung on for his answer.

"Very well." Severus shook his head as he began walking towards the pub, Hermione struggling with her bags to keep up. "Would you be quicker if I help you with those?" he asked slightly annoyed.

"I do believe I would." Hermione watched as Severus took the bags from her and strode ahead; the different weights pulling him towards the ground did not affect his strides. Blasted man, he could at least walk next to her, but at least she would be able to ask him some questions that had been eating away at her for a while now. She would get her answers, and bloody hell, she felt as light as a feather but she couldn't decide if it was from the lack of the weight of the bags or because she was, if you looked at it a certain way, about to have a date with Severus Snape!

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A/N short chapter I know, I just wanted to post _something_ before I become so bloody busy. Please review and if you do please leave an email address as I love to reply to you all.

Sammis


	4. chapter 4

Chapter reposted! Thanks MadameMischief for your wonderful work!

oi you! Yes you! **June W** and **Celi**, don't get hiding behind your computer chair. Come forward and face my wrath. I can't send you an email cry's. Celi's just won't send and June W didn't leave an address. Thanks for reviewing! And for the birthday wish.

cough I cant breath, got to take wands from around neck, maybe 10 was too many.

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Chapter 4: if I said "delroy" to you...would you find it funny?

"So…"Hermione said fingering the neck of her Butterbeer. "You have your own house…"

"I inherited it from my father." His reply was crisp and to the point. He wasn't much into conversation today, not that he was normally, unless it was to gain something. Did he really only see her as a womb with a body to go with it?

"I take it he passed away then?" Hermione inwardly slapped herself, how could she just say something like that? It was clear from the 'inherited' that he had. What if he had only passed away recently? "Sorry."

"He passed away three years ago, in his sleep. My mother not shortly before him." He didn't look at her while he spoke, he stared into the distance, watching those who walked passed the window of the quiet café he had led her to. "As an only child and last of the Snape line, I got everything that belong to my family."

"Oh, so your--"

"Rich, very rich in fact." A cocky smirk lifted the cheeks of his face into a mock smile. His eyes glinting at the look of amazement on her face. Hermione wouldn't lie that she wasn't impressed, she was. Severus looked more relaxed out of school, she noticed as she watched him, it was obvious now that Voldemort was no more he felt he could live again. Studying his pose she spoke.

"Why do you want a child?"

"Because otherwise who am I to pass all this wealth onto?" He smirked again.

"Ok then, why _mine._"

"Hermione," He sat forward as he spoke, elbows resting on the table between them. He had not spoken her name before. Not her first name at least. What he was about to say was going to be important, Hermione noted. "Cant you see? Any child that would be half born to you and me would have a remarkable intelligence and would be a formidable competitor to their peers."

"I don't see—"

"They would be perfect." Severus' smirk was a half smile as he thought about such a child. He had had to admit to himself while they was working together alone that he had come to respect her and even admire her beauty. Oh she was not the classic modern beauty. Several times he had watched her while brewing, her soft graceful hands and her delicate lips. He had found it impossible to refrain from thinking about what she could do with such things to his body. Then her parents had died, and it had pained him to see her in such a state. He realized shortly after their death that he was growing too attached to the girl and had pushed her away. She was never to know what he did to the people who killed her parents. She was never to know of their deaths, the people he had killed for her. Severus watched her now, her eyes had glazed over as she took in what he had said, and he had often wondered what it would take to make those eyes glaze over while she was beneath him. That was in the past, when he had fancied himself attracted to her.

"Oh." Hermione softly spoke before pulling the bottle to her mouth and taking a rather big swig from it. This was something she mulled over, he just flattered her, well sort of. She still wanted to know what was he's reason for having her out of the child's life. Gathering her Gryffindor balls she spoke. "Why cant I be part of the child's life though?"

"That is something I will not discuss here." Snape looked around him to the odd couples that were seated around them.

"But you will discuss it?" Hermione asked hopefully. He, Severus Snape, was willing to explain why! It was something she had never thought could happen. This whole thing seemed weird to her, sitting in a café with him, talking about the child they were going to have. When she was a student, she had fantasized about having a child and a husband of course. To feel her body grow with another being inside her, a being she had created, the most precious gift any woman could have. How would she be able to give away anything she had created? She found it hard parting with her parents belongings, the useless stuff that there was no reason to keep she had wanted to keep anyway. Not because it had once belonged to her parents, but because it was now hers. To describe it in one word she was somewhat clingy.

"I will talk about it when I deem it necessary." Snape's eyes caught Hermione's, he could read her feelings quite clearly, they were a mixture of nervousness, determination, pride, and even respect. Those weren't the only emotions there but they were the strongest. "Miss Granger, I hope this has been more helpful for you than it has been for me. I have more important things to attend to. There will be plenty of time in the next three years to answer _all _of your questions."

"Wait!" Hermione said abit too forcefully. "Could you tell me a joke?"

"A what? Miss Granger?"

"It's a-"

"I know what it is, but what good would it do if I did indeed tell you a joke?" Severus raised his eyebrow at the woman before him. He had not been asked to tell a joke in his entire life. You would have thought that she had more sense than that. Severus hoped the child would have his judgment in life rather than his mothers.

"I don't know, I want to get to know you better than as just my ex-professor." Hermione shrugged her shoulders, her face flaming. She had no idea where the idea of asking for a joke had come from. The whole idea of Snape knowing a joke was dismissible within seconds. "Humor me?"

"This whole idea was absurd, from the very beginning I should have just kept on walking." Snape shook his head searching for a answer to this notion. "If I tell you a joke will you not contact me again until the beginning of September?" At her nod of agreement Severus sighed and sat back down. "This is not going to happen ever again Miss Granger so listen close…

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. 'I would do anything to pass this exam.'

She leans close to him; flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. 'I mean…' she whispers, 'I would do…_anything_!'

He returns her gaze. 'Anything?'

'Yes, anything!'

His voice turns to a whisper. 'Would you study?'"

Laughing Hermione smiled at Severus. Severus felt something rise in his chest as he saw her laugh at his joke; he hadn't thought it amusing when he read it on the staff notice board. Hermione's face, he notice, was beaming with youth and a beauty that he had refused to admire throughout their meeting. It would not do to fall in love with the mother of his child; it would lead to nowhere. He waited until she had recovered before making his excuses once again and leaving her to finish her drink alone. He should of never of got her to be the surrogate mother, but as much as he would have liked to choose someone else, nobody was more perfect than Hermione.

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A/N leave a email address and I shall respond to reviewers! Thanks to all those who have reviewed. And about the whole Snape telling a joke, well the only storied I've read has Snape being funny in a sarcastic sort of way, yes he is sarcastic but I bet he knows a few jokes too! 


	5. chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The frigid September weather was harsh against Hermione's face as she made her way over the final stretch of wet grass that lead to Hogwarts' main entrance. Her shoes sank into the mud as she tried to get to the shelter beyond the hard wooden oak doors. Her fingers were red and throbbing from the effort of clinging onto the carpet bag, which had all her belongings magically shrunk to fit inside, as well as the cold weather. She grit her teeth as the wind blew her hair into her face, she was almost to the entrance. "Just a bit further." She muttered to herself. Her eyes were focused on her goal, pushing herself to reach it. This was it. She was actually going to do this. Hermione watched as the doors swung open and a silhouette stood waiting on her arrival. Reaching the doors she realized why the person hadn't come out further and offered to help her. It was Snape. You would have thought that since she was going to give birth to _his_ child, he could at least try to act like a gentleman.

"I believe I told you to arrive this morning, Miss Granger. Am I to assume that you are still incompetent at following directions?" His lowered tone of voice suggested he wasn't really interested in hearing her answer.

She put down her bag and flexed her fingers to regain the feeling in her hands. A hot bath would be much appreciated right now. It was much more enticing than standing out here and talking to him. Sure she wanted to get to know him, but she didn't want to catch a cold in the process. She would have plenty of time over the course of the next three years to convince him to let her be a part of their child's life. "Could we talk about it inside?"

"No. Now." He snapped.

"I was arranging the sale of my parent's house. The delay was unavoidable. I'm freezing and wet, now can we please go inside?" Hermione tried in vain to run her fingers through her hair to undo some of the knots. Wincing in pain she looked pleadingly towards the professor.

"Follow me." He said stiffly turning around and heading back into the castle. Snape then left Hermione to pick up her bag and follow him inside. Hermione struggled to keep up as the weight of the bag fought her every step of the way. She couldn't help but look around curiously at her surroundings. Merlin she had missed this place! As she came to the top of the staircase, Hermione mentally slapped herself before pulling out her wand and levitating her bag the rest of the way down to the dungeon. She was a witch after all. Why hadn't she though of it before? Reaching the corridor of the classrooms, Hermione followed Snape through the labyrinth of passages until he reached a bare damp wall.

"This is the entrance to the Slytherin common room and dorm rooms," Looking back at Hermione to see if she was listening, Snape continued. "It is also the entrance to my private rooms. There are two passwords, one that will allow you to enter the corridor to the Common room, the other to my rooms. Only I can gain access to both at the same time."

"The password to my room is Eros. You don't need the Slytherin password." As he said the password a concealed door slid open and a well lit corridor appeared. Hermione entered after Severus and looked around her, there were round green lamps that hung from the ceiling on chains. The walls were bare stone, but the floor had a long green rug running down its length. There was a single door at the end of the hall. It was surprisingly warm though the damp walls gave the feeling of deep coldness.

"How can it be that only you have access to both?" Hermione asked as Severus lead her through the final door and into a square comfortable, and not as green as she had thought it to be, sitting room.

"The door that leads to the common room is in the hall but is hidden with very complex wards so don't even think of looking for it. It is there you simply can't see it." Severus turned to face Hermione as he watched her take in her surroundings. She seemed quite surprised at what she was seeing. He hoped she wasn't unhappy. He was, after all, going to have to live with her for a while, and an unhappy woman was never pleasant. He figured that an unhappy pregnant woman would be even worse.

He had chosen the design himself, all wooden furniture was solid mahogany, and even the beams that ran across the ceiling were the same, hermione ran her hand across the side table. His couch was a soft green color, and he has a dark green leather armchair that looked inviting by the hearth. The fire place was high and took up most of the centre of the left side wall, the mantel was the next place where Hermione ran hr hand across, too be underneith that hand, severus pondered. The walls were wallpapered a soft cream color with a silky looking pattern across it. He was pleased with it, it had taken a while for him to find the perfect lamps to sit on the side-tables that now rested by the sides of the couch which Hermione now stood behind.

"Wow. This place is really amazing Professor." Hermione said smiling as she turned to face Severus. He was pleased that she liked it. Of course, he would never tell her he had redecorated everything not three weeks ago, for her arrival.

"Thank you," he replied almost smiling at her praise. "The door next to the fireplace leads to a small study. The door next to that, on the back wall, leads to the kitchen. The one next to the kitchen is the guest room. That room will be yours until the child is born. The final door on the right side wall is my bedroom. Each bedroom has its own bathroom." As he finished speaking, Severus looked Hermione over and noticed how her cheeks were slightly red from the journey from the apparation point to Hogwarts. The bottom of her robes was dirty from mud and rainwater and her hair was in total disarray. In all, she looked wild, young, and very sexy in an unkempt way. Fighting away these thoughts Severus continued. "It would be wise if you went to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up as soon as possible. Your appointment is at 5pm, it is close to four now."

"What appointment?" Hermione asked slightly panicked having a pretty good idea of what the appointment was going to be for. Surely she wouldn't be impregnated tonight?

"With the mediwitch at Mares For Hire." Severus said matter-of-factly. "Hopefully you will be ready to conceive my heir tonight."

"What the…?" Hermione exclaimed stretching her arms out wildly for emphasis. "I haven't even been here 15 minutes and your already trying to get me up the duff!"

"Up the what?" Severus didn't know how to respond to that phrase, should he be insulted?

"Never mind, it's a muggle saying. I'll be ready in half an hour." With that Hermione huffed out of the sitting room and entered the guestroom, bag still floating in tow.

Hermione was embarrassed as she lay on the table in a less than covering hospital gown. Why in Merlin's hell didn't they put a back to these things? Hermione was very grateful for the fact that she was lying on her back and not her stomach. As much as wanted Severus to see her naked ass, this was not the setting she had in mind. Why did he have to be present for this anyway?

"Hello Hermione! I'm mediwitch Helena! I'm going to see if you can become a mummy! Well, you won't be a mummy really will you, since you're just a surrogate!" The witch laughed to cover her lapse. "Well anyway, I'm going to cast a few simple spells to see what stage your cycle is in. When was your last one?"

"Urm, a few days maybe a week ago?" Hermione felt her cheeks burn as she noticed that Severus' head had piped up from the leaflet he was reading.

"That's good!" The witch said, wand hovered over Hermione's stomach and it started to hum softly. "That's even better, not as good as we could hope for, but with a few potions you'll be ready in half an hour! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah…"Hermione looked over at Severus and saw he had a look of approval on his face. "What potions?"

"Just ones to increase your level of the Luteinising hormone and to thicken your walls abit so the egg will get nice and stuck." The witch smiled reassuringly as she left the small white sterile room.

Looking over at Severus again, Hermione gave him a pleading look before saying, "I don't want it."

"Want what exactly Miss Granger?" Snape asked. His tone was harsh as he sat up straighter in the plastic chair and put the leaflet he had been reading to the side.

"This, now, I'm not ready." She stated, looking away from his cold eyes.

"Make yourself ready, I have already had to reschedule this appointment once today on short notice. I refuse to have to do it again."

"I didn't think I'd be expected to do this the day I arrived. Let alone an hour after." Hermione felt tears welling up in her eyes. No! She will not cry in front of him. She will be strong.

"I have waited more than enough time for my heir. I shall not let you put it off any longer." said Severus picking up the leaflet to begin his reading once more.

"If I conceive this child now, it will be forced, against my will. Be that on your conscience." Hermione spat.

"Our contract states that it is my right. I am not in the wrong." He answered with an irritating calm.

Not another word was spoken between the two. The mediwitch soon brought in the potions. Hermione reluctantly drank each one and then waited in a deathly silence for the time for the time to be right.

"Hermione, its time! Aren't you excited! To think, a baby will begin growing in your belly in less than a minute!" said the overexcited mediwitch. Helena laid Hermione back and then began to chant Latin words in a low tone that Hermione cared not to listen to. She decided to ignore the fact that she is pregnant with his child. Maybe it would be a good idea if she had no part in the child's life, after all its dad was a complete bastard.

Severus sat and watched as Hermione was finally impregnated. He watched her in silence for the 15 minutes Hermione was required to lay still. He saw the tears that swelled in her eyes, read the emotions that went through her eyes. Still he remained silent. It was when a single tear fell down her pale sweet skin, that for the first time in years Severus felt guilt. He would try to make it up to her.

**A/N **thanks to my hero MadameMischief! remember i respond to reviews via email!


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it's taken so long. A version of this was sent to my beta but has yet to be sent back but I've added a few pages more and with my psychology exam Friday and the fact that I haven't revised for it at all. I need distressing and what other way to distress than to read you lovely reviews. And remember I respond by email! I'm sorry if I haven't replied yet, I shall do it first thing in the morning. Enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer**: don't own it.

**Warning**: sadness ahead folks.and its unbeted

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**Chapter 6**

Sitting on the bed in the guest room, Hermione flexed her bare feet in the soft cream carpet that covered the floor. Her hands smoothed out the plain white crisp sheets that covered the single bed. The room was boring to say the least, her bag sat against the side table next to the bed waiting for her to unpack them in the wardrobe which was against the far side wall. The room was different shades of white, an innocent colour. It didn't seem right for such colours be used in _his _home. A tear trickled down her cheek as thoughts of him entered her mind.

She hasn't spoke to him since it happened, as soon as they returned to Hogwarts some four hours ago she had retired to her room and sat on the bed lost in a word she had created for herself. It was all a big mistake. Hermione poked her flat stomach once again; she had been doing so every few minutes, to check that it was still real, and that there was still his baby inside her. Another tear fell, she was trapped. Stuck in this situation until the child was born. Poking her stomach again resent flashed through her. Not for the child but for herself. How could she be so stupid as to sign the contract? It was his entire fault. She hated him, she didn't want to fall in love with him no more, didn't want to be part of the child's life. How could she now? It was ruined and all because he was an impatient arsehole.

Hermione lifted her hand away as she heard him enter the room, he had not knocked. She promised herself she wouldn't look at him. Promised herself to not be weak. He had promised it would happen in her time, when she was ready. She had told him she wasn't ready, didn't want it to happen so soon. Fathers a name he hasn't earned yet, he was just a child with a temper.

"I've brought you some soup; I thought it will help settle your stomach abit. How are you feeling? You're not in any pain are you?" His voice was low and his feet made a soft padding noise as he walked up to her bed and placed the tray on the bedside table.

"I'm fine. Thank you for the soup." Hermione stared at his feet, they wasn't that far away from her. She would just look at his feet until he left. She closed her eyes and waited for the tears to leave her eyes, willed them not to fall.

"It's the least I can do. The Healer gave me some vitamins potions for you to take at every meal time. You should take one after you've eaten." Hermione heard him ruffle within his robes; she guessed he was getting the potion. All movement stopped for a short while until Snape moved to put the object he got from he's robe on the table next to the soup. "I guess you're feeling tired from your journey and the trip earlier. I shall leave you to your supper and return for the bowl later, you should rest."

"Ok." Hermione answered. Silence followed for a brief moment until Snape sighed and left the room. Hermione looked at the door after she heard it close; he hadn't said anything about her not looking at him, maybe he believed her to be tired. She looked over to the table and there next to the lamp was a bowl of soup and a vial. She was too worn out to eat at the moment. Moving to lie down on the bed, she rested her head on the pillow and stroked her stomach once more. She didn't feel hungry at all, how could she eat with _his _child inside her. Closing her eyes, she ignored the inviting smell of the hot soup and fell to sleep.

He had waked her up after an hour wanting to know why she hadn't touched her soup. He sounded worried and annoyed. Placing a warming spell on the soup for her he stayed until she had finished it. "You've got to eat three meals a day Hermione. Otherwise the baby won't have the nutrients to develop fully. From now on you will have all meals in my present; I won't have your stupidity damaging _my_ child."

Hermione stayed quiet as she finished the meal and drank the most horrible tasting potion without pulling a face at its aftertaste. Then she waited for him to leave, she hadn't fought back when he called her stupid for not eating, hadn't even lifted her chin. She wanted to be left alone so she could woe in the fact that all this is the biggest mistake of her life. As if hearing her silent plea Snape gathered the remnants of the meal and potion and left the room after a spoken wish that she had a goodnight which was not returned by Hermione.

The following three weeks had Hermione seated in the kitchen with Snape at all meals, marking the first years essays and reading about the Wolfsbane potion as that was the first potion she was going to learn. Hermione only spoke when spoken too and didn't question why she was making the hardest potion for a potions master to brew in her first month. Once allowed to go to her room after finishing the third meal of the day and having the third vial of the day, Hermione would seethe at the Potions master and the child in her stomach. Sorrow, anger and hate were all what she felt. A child was a gift so why didn't she feel happy? Why didn't she have the glow of a mother to be?

It was three weeks and five days after the fertilization of the child she had come to loath that Hermione was faced with a rather angry and annoyed Potions Master. Thoughts of what she could have done wrong flew through her head, he hadn't looked this mad at her since she had dropped the dragon's blood on the floor when she was helping him with Remus' next batch. Even then he had left the room and not faced her with his anger. Hoping that he would do the same tonight she tried to walk past him in the middle of the living room in anticipate of going to her room until supper.

"I don't think so Miss Granger, you're staying here and we're going to talk." Snape pointed at the couch for her to sit down. Which she did quietly. "Why are you acting as if you're forced to be here? I've seen the resentment in your eyes. Why?"

"It's nothing, just hormones." Hermione spoke sweetly. She really wanted to go to her room; she had been having cramps all day. She was too stressed out; a nice hot bath would soothe her muscles. "I've been all over the place these past weeks."

"Hormones?" Snape quirked an eyebrow and moved to rest against the mantel surrounding the fire. Turning to face her again, resting his elbow on the edge of the side he spoke "Bullshit."

"It's nothing."

"Stop lying! I have tired to make you comfortable, tried to make you at least care about something. I have been met with a zombie since you have arrived; tell me so I can fix it." Snape stretched out his arms towards Hermione. "I don't want you to be unhappy while you stay here. Merlin knows I would soon kill myself."

"Really, I'm fine. There's nothing a matter." Hermione answered through gritted teeth, she was beginning to lose her calm as he carried on. If he truly wanted her to be happy then he wouldn't have forced this on her. He should have kept his word. Then it would have been all happy and fine. She wouldn't hate the thing growing inside her, wouldn't hate the man before her. She could have fallen in love with him. It was her plan after all. There he stood blaming her for why the situation was the one that it is. Blaming her for hating them so. It was not her fault. It was his, all his. Not her. His voice carried on speaking about how he only wanted to do what best for her and the child, how he has sacrificed so much for them. Why the cheeky fucking bastard—"Shut the fuck up! I hate you! I hate what you've made me into it! It's your entire fault! I hate your child! I wish it wasn't there. You are to blame! I've tried not to say anything, to keep quiet so I could get through this as quickly as possible; I've done what you've asked me. Why cant you just leave me be!"

Snape stood still, no emotion showed on his face. Hermione sat and let her breathing return to normal. She had to admit she did feel a lot better now she's shouted at him.

"What have I done?" The question left his lips with out any emotion behind it.

"You've broken my trust." It was spoken quietly.

"Broken your trust?"

"Yes, you promised I wouldn't have to do it straight away, promised that I could choose when it happen. You took my trust and spat in it!" Her anger was rising again and it wasn't helping the fact that the small of her back was starting to hurt more; it must be the way she was sitting. "It was the only thing that I counted on to do this. I thought I could trust you. Why do you want a child so much to cast away my own feelings?"

"I don't know if you've noticed Miss Granger but I'm not a very caring person! Your feelings mean nothing to me."

"Nothing?" Hermione asked the pain was becoming more intense and she felt it move to the front of her stomach as well. She needed to get to her room and lie down.

"Nothing." Snape noticed how her hands griped onto the cushions of the couch more, it was obvious he was making her angry, good; it would help snap some sense in the silly chit. Maybe it was the hormones that were helping to send her crazy. He's fault, honestly, she's going quite mad.

"Then why are we having this conversation in the first place? If you didn't care you wouldn't want to know why I hate you so much. You wouldn't care that I was unhappy." She spoke through gritted teeth, the pain was increasing at a rate that would have her crippled in moments, something was wrong.

"It is in the interest for the child to make sure you are comfortable and happy, nothing else." Snape straightened the front of his robe while standing taller. He was above this petty tit-for-tat.

"In that case I'm going to my room." Standing up she gritted her teeth at the pain, her legs left week and she could feel the white spots creep in to her sight. Beads of sweat were forming as she made the journey to her door. Once inside she could go to sleep, she told her self.

"Hermione!" Snape's voice sounded worried. Turning around slowly Hermione faced him to speak.

"What?"

Snape didn't say anything but he was pointing to the couch she was sitting on moments before. Looking towards it Hermione heard Snape speak. "Its blood."

"Shit." Hermione saw the dark red patch and began to panic, what was happening? She was bleeding? What about the baby? Was it ok?

"We need to get you to Poppy at once, your losing the child." Snape rushed to her side and Hermione allowed him to support her. "Are you in pain?"

"Lots." She spoke through gritted teeth.

"Why didn't you tell me? When did it start?" Snape spoke as he moved them to the hearth; she was in no state to walk the thousands of stairs.

"Because we were fighting." Hermione replied. "I have had cramps all day, its just got worse."

"Don't worry, it will be ok. Our baby will be ok." Snape threw the floo powder into the newly lit fire and carried Hermione through.

0000

Hermione was laid on the starched sheets of a Hogwarts medical bed dressed in a hospital gown. Madame Pomfrey was using her wand to scan her stomach. Severus was sat in the chair next to the bed. He felt out of place. He didn't know how to act or what to do, was he meant to take her hand and offer sweet words of comfort? His heart ached at the prospect of losing his child. Hermione was still in a lot of pain, she couldn't be given pain killers. It was too risky. He was worried about her. During their working together in the Order he had felt he knew her better–or so he flattered himself- than most other's.

He had realized that he was partially if not fully- for Hermione's condition at the moment. He had wanted to make it up to her for forcing her to be fertilized so soon. He needed to explain to her. He needed to tell her every thing. Including why it was believed that Albus Dumbledore was killed in the finial battle.

"I'm sorry Hermione, the child is lost." Poppy voice broke into Severus heart as sharp as a silver stake would. "It gets worse. The sack is imbedded firmly into the bottom of your womb. It would be put passed me if it wasn't because of those potions they gave you at 'Mares-for-hire'. There is two ways of removing the sack. Magic or manually. The decision is yours."

"The manually way." Severus spoke up.

"Manually? Why?" Poppy looked surprised to hear Severus speak for Hermione as well as choosing the muggle way.

"Magic will affect her hormones, prolonging the period for when she can be impregnated again." Severus state. He looked at Hermione to find she was staring daggers at him. "No painkiller either. The affects her chemical balance. She must be perfect."

"Do you have any idea how painful this is going to be?" Hermione cried. "I can not believe you are doing this to me!"

"As much as I wish you no pain, the child must be born as soon as possible." Severus tried to reason but he could see it had little effect as Hermione was shaking her head.

"No fucking way. I have suffered enough for you!"

"You have no choice again Miss Granger. Please agree to this so we won't have to suffer the last three week or the same outcome again." Severus squeezed the bridge of his nose as he heard Hermione rant about the last thing he had said. Ok, maybe it was the wrong thing to say being as the miscarriage had only just happened but she didn't understand.

"You can fuck your stupid contract up your pale boney arse! If you ever, and I mean ever, think I will have your fucking child inside of me you've got another thing coming!" Hermione had started to sit up on the bed reading to push her self of it onto her feet so she could go and pack her things at once. Getting a degree in potions was the last thing he wanted.

"Severus!" Poppy shouted while turning to comfort Hermione. "Hermione! What do you think you're doing! You can't leave here!"

"Oh yes I bloody can!" Hermione left intense pain as she stood from the bed. It shot up her spine as she grabbed her cloak from the unoccupied chair and then was nearly knocked her off her feet as it speed down her legs as she pulled her cloak on top of the gown. She was not going to waste time getting dress. She looked at Severus and noticed he just sat there with no expression on his face, god she hated it when he looked at her like that, anyone would think he was a chimp. Slipping into her shoes Hermione left the infirmary as quickly as she could do being as she was in so much pain. Her adrenaline was helping her keep on her feet but hot tears blurred her vision. Once outside in the corridor she took off at a slow jog to get to the dungeon.

Severus still remanded in the chair as Poppy was ranting at him to go after her. Figuring he wasn't going to go Poppy went to go after her herself. "Stop! Don't bother."

"What? She's in need of medical attention Severus! We can not let her leave!"

"She wont, she will get to her room and then realize how much having an apprentice with me really means to her."

"You really are an unfeeling bastard!" Poppy snapped as she ran from the room and after Hermione.

Severus still remanded in the chair and was weighing the options of going to work on some potions when he heard Poppy scream for him. The silly woman would soon regret calling him a bastard; he knew she would need his help in catching the Gryffindor twit.

Severus lazily exited the infirmary and walked down the corridor at a pace that suited him. He could hear Poppy shouting for him. It was only when he turned the corner and saw Poppy crouched over Hermione's unmoving body did he decide to walk abit faster.

"She's lost more blood Severus!"

00000

Hermione eyes burned as she opened them. She was back on an infirmary bed, she noticed. Had she not made it back to the dungeons? The pain was only a slight ache now. Something had changed. Looking from the titled ceiling she went to seeing what was surrounding her. Madam Pomfrey was standing next to her; at least Snape wasn't in the room. "What happened?"

"You collapsed; the pressure was too much for you. You lost a lot of blood and the sac." Her voice was soft and somewhat comforting.

"I'm still leaving. I don't deserve this."

"I know dear but this is something you've got to talk about with Severus." Poppy seated her self on the side of the bed and began brushing Hermione's hair back wither hand. During the war Poppy had witness many deaths of her friends, most of them while in her hands. "He's sitting outside the room. I've moved you into a private room, I'm afraid you've got a short stay here."

"Don't send him in. I can't bear to talk to him now." A tear slipped down her cheek.

"Then speak to me dear. Tell me." Poppy smiled as she wiped away the stray tear.

"It's just so hard. I mean I hated him. I wasn't ready. I felt like an alien with the child growing in me but as soon as it was there, it was apart of me. I connected with the child; they gave me that link to him."

"All miscarriages are hard to deal with. Lets just hope yours will be less suffering as you wasn't the biological mother. I'm here for you Hermione." Poppy bent down to kiss Hermione on the forehead but was stopped as the sound of a hurt student entered the infirmary. "I had hoped it would be a quite day today. Well no rest for the wicked. Call for me if you need too."

"Thank you."

"It's my job." Poppy left the room and shut the door behind her. Once alone Hermione attempted to sit up. Finding she could, she noticed she could see Snape's form outside the window, thank Merlin he was facing away. Moving the cover away from her stomach Hermione rubbed her still flat stomach. "I didn't hate you. It wasn't your fault."

Hermione felt guilty, she had wished the child away and it had happened. She felt empty dnow she knew they weren't inside her. For the past three weeks she had spent most of her time cursing the child. Now they were gone. She was alone. She regretted not loving the child; she had had something of Severus inside her, growing. She had loved Severus. She should have loved the piece of him that she had had. But now it was too late. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." Hermione looked up to see Severus standing in the door way. She had been too wrapped up in her thoughts; she didn't even notice him enter. "We have to talk!"

"There's no need. I'm leaving."

"You can't."

"That's not up to you to decide. You need to stop making my decisions for me."

"It is important that you stay."

"Why is it Severus? Why? After the way you have treated me today, why should I even bother to listen to you."

"Because Albus will die if you don't bare me a child soon."

"He is already dead!" Hermione screamed. Was he going to lie to her just so he could shove his child inside her?

"He is not! He was hit with a curse in the final battle. It's eating away at him, he is hidden with Hogwarts. I have spent the last year trying to find a cure. His only chance is a designer baby. I owe him this much to save him!" Severus had walked into the room fully. He was at her side, sitting on the edge of the bed so he was eye level wither. "Hermione. I need you to help me."

"How can he be alive? What is the curse?" Hermione felt uncomfortable with him sitting so close.

"It is one Voldemort created when he was in his prime. I admit I don't understand it completely, but from what I can gather it is draining him of everything, from his power to stopping his hair from growing."

"How will a designed baby help?"

"He needs a life force to share from. One that is from his bloodline."

"Bloodline?"

"Yes, I am related to Albus. He is a very decedent relative and our blood link is not strong enough. I have found a way to alter my semen so that the DNA would be solely of the kind I have similar to him." Severus spoke with such passion and determinism that Hermione was reminded of the Severus she had once worked with.

"How is Albus now?" How could she not believe what he was saying, they had knew from Severus' days as a Deatheater that Voldemort was working on improving some DIY creations. Her mind had caught on him saying semen; does that mean that he…in to a cup? Now was not the time to think about those things, Albus was still alive, she could help bring him back.

"He had to be frozen, the curse was working at such a rate I could not think of anything else to do. I don't even know the name of the curse." Severus knew Hermione would understand why this was such an important matter for him, hell it was important for most people.

"I will do it. As long as you change the contract to suit me better."

"This is not a time to negotiate."

"All I want is for you to treat me as an equal. As a part of this child, well, the child-to-be. I want to be part of the picture. Let me make my own decisions, I will do what is best for the child and myself." Hermione took a deep breath. "I want to save Albus."

"Then we shall work as a team. As equals." Severus sighed with relief. It felt good to final tell her why the child was important. He felt he was on a ground with her that he had never been on before.

"Yes." Hermione said smiling. She took Severus hand with her own. "We will be Severus and Hermione."

A death of a love one, even if you realize this love or not, always opens your eyes to how you often take things for granted. But new bridge's can be built, new loved ones can be found and together you will learn to be that little bit more thankful for what you have.

* * *

I've just got 3 exams left and then i may be starting a job fingers crossed so updates should be more frequent. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: dont own a saugage.**

HermioneResilda

**Chapter 7**

"He looks so...frozen." Hermione ran her fingers across the old skin that lay across Albus' brow. It had been two weeks since what has come to be known to Hermione as 'That day'. It was a few days after 'That day' that Hermione and Severus had have another fight. He wanted her to try again. She had refused shouting that the other child wasn't even cold in its lying place yet. The high point of that argument had been when Severus had told her that the child had all ready been discarded after test had been done to see if it was his modified sperm that had cause the miscarriage.

It had been another week after that when Hermione had started talking to him again. She had been horrified that he could have done that to their child but what was done was done and after a promise never to do it again, they began to work together again.

"He would be, after all he is under a freezing spell." Severus sighed as he watched Hermione go about stroking the old coot. He hadn't wanted to bring her down here but she had insistent to a point where he was prepared to be sent to Azkaban for her death.

"It's just like sleeping beauty." Hermione smiled. "Well it would be if there were some flowers down here."

"I am not picking any flowers." Severus was prompted by Hermione's suggestion to look around the room as he moved to check on the wizard himself. The room was a bit bland but it wasn't being used to impress any one. After all nobody goes to the dungeons to see the wonder flowers it has. "That whole story is a big exaggeration of a little witch getting locked in the toilet and had charmed the temperature to below zero."

"Really?"

"No, it's just a stupid story Muggle's made up to stop children from asking too many questions."

Hermione smiled softly down at the headmaster before turning to Severus to ask "Then why-

"Ever heard of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?" Severus cut in; all he wanted to do was to go back to their rooms. He didn't know when he started to call it 'their' rooms but it was a habit he found he could not break, nor wanted too. To say he was confused with their current situation was an understatement. It was an unspoken rule that she was the only one who could start a discussion about having a child or speaking of the last one. Meals was still spent together, morning he was in classes, the same with afternoons but after supper it was another unspoken agreement that they would spend this time together. Severus had no idea what she did in the time he spent in class but from discussion he had overheard from teachers and Poppy, she would help in the odd class, read in the library and at 2pm every week day she went and spoke to Poppy. It was clear she was still grieving for their child.

"I get your point. I'll stop asking question…even though for me to help I do need to know certain things. And it's not like you would tell me anything without me asking first."

"Well I think…its time for bed. Come on." Severus stood away from Albus and headed for the door. Turing he saw Hermione was still watching the headmaster. "Would it hurry you up if I promise that he will still be there in the morning?"

"There's no point, I doubt he will be up offering us a Lemon Drop anytime soon." Hermione sighed smoothing the blanket that Albus rested on.

"Stop being so morbid and lets go." Severus said while motioning towards the door he was holding open.

* * *

"I want to go out." Hermione huffed as she sat ungracefully on the couch. She had just come from the study. She puffed out a breath of air and watched her frizzy hair waft in the breeze. 

"You could go to the Great Hall for supper." Severus responded after resettling himself back into a comfortable position on the couch. It was five days since she had first seen Albus, now she spent her mornings with him and her afternoon with Poppy and in the library.

"No, I mean _out_! Like to Hogsmade, for supper." Hermione explained while pulling the thread on the cuff of her jumper. It was getting close to the end of October and the castle was getting colder.

"You're not going on your own." Severus started as he picked up his mug of tea and sipped lightly as it was still near boiling point.

"I know, that's why I'm asking you." Hermione was beginning to get fed up with remaining with the castle; even the grounds had lost their interest. Last time she step out of Hogwarts grounds was when she was at that bloody 'Mares for Hire' being forced against her will to conceive the child who she had yet to accept its death.

"You want to go tonight don't you?"

"It _is_ the weekend. A Saturday night no less."

"If I say no will you leave it at that?" Severus turned to face her. He had to admit she was looking down in the, for lack of a better phrase, dumps. The fresh air and different environment could do her some good but no way was he taking her out dressed like that. She had an old thread bear jumper on with baggy jeans and thick woolly socks that were odd. When he realized she was complaining again said he spoke. "It is late to make reservations anywhere decent plus you're not dressed."

"We don't need to go somewhere posh. I just want to go somewhere else."

"Hermione, there is something you need to understand about my bloodline. It is one of the purest around and comes with great wealth and social calls. It would not do to take you to a pub a buy you a stake and kidney pie with chips, when we Snape's treat our women like princesses." He had said this while looking her straight in the eyes. Yes it was true Snape's were known for their signs of affection for their ladies but that had stopped when several of them had been heart broken when it was made clear the woman was only there for the wealth but it gave him a good reason to why he should buy her the jewelry he sees in the copies of the Potions Masters weekly.

"Women?"

"Well, the women underneath our care."

"I don't like the woman part but I'm all game for being treated like the princess bit." Hermione felt taken back at what he had said.

"Well you have 30 minutes to get ready. I'm sure I can find some where adequate for us to go." Severus said while thinking he knew exactly they could go; he was owed a favor by the owner of a fine Italian restaurant. While she was getting changed he would floo him. Severus hoped he could get a table after all it was late notice and as Hermione had said, a Saturday night. It would be a nice change to see Hermione in a different environment. "Wear your best robes."

"Such a demanding man."

"For your cheek make that 25 minutes."

* * *

"This place is so beautiful Severus!" Hermione said as she sat opposite him at the table they had been seated at. It was lucky that Roberto had a cancellation otherwise it would have been the stake and kidney pie. She had done better than he could ever imagine, her dress was one of a rich midnight blue, elegant in its shape so it focused on the best parts of the wearer while flattered the not so parts. Her hair had been a main favorite for Severus, for lack of time she had simply twisted it up but it still made her a picture of beauty. Her neck was exposed, as was more of her face. She looked youthful but mature, it was an image Severus would not being putting in to a pensieve for storage any time soon. 

"I'm pleased you find it so."

"I like this." Hermione gestured with her hands to nothing in particular.

"Like what?"

"Us. We're how we use to be, you know, back then." Hermione smile flattered as she spoke about the war days. "I remember how at first you hated me-"

"I never hated you." Severus had at first despised that idea of working with Hermione when Albus had appointed her as his assistant but after a few harsh words and bitter tears they had reached a ground they were both afraid to call friendship incase it crumbled under their feet.

"Ok. When you were first 'upset' with the arrangement, you were so hard to work with! With you I didn't know if I was coming or going half the time." Hermione smiled drinking out of the glass that held the very expensive wine Severus had ordered with their meal.

"When I was lucky, you were going." Severus muttered as Hermione smiled sweetly at him.

"Just before the war broke out you admitted to me that I was a great credit to our world." Hermione said as the waiter finally arrived with their starters. She waited until he left before she continued. "You even admitted that you wouldn't have coped with out me at your side."

"I never said such things! Miss Granger lying is a horrible tendency."

"You was abit worst for wear at the time Sir, I doubt you will remember it. It was when you had come back from a reveal and I was helping you to your rooms. It took you three days to fully recover." Hermione thought back to that time, she had been found to be at his side for the days that past, helping him recover. It was then she became scared of losing him in the final battle.

"Ah, that lovely experience. I must assure you, that I was not thinking straight at the time."

"I hate to disagree but those were the sanest words you have ever spoken to me."

"Miss Granger, I warn you…"

"Eat before it gets cold. I know how cranky you get when your food is cold." Hermione scolded as she started to eat her own.

"Really! Of all the impudence!"

Severus sat and ate his meal in silence as he scowled at the woman across from him. Here he was paying for her to eat and enjoy herself and she spends the time mocking him. He swallowed his mouthful and aimed another harsh look at her.

"You can stop that." Hermione stated as she cut apart of her Chicken Marsala ready to be eaten.

"I can do what I like Miss Granger." Severus forked a shrimp rather aggressively before placing it in his mouth and biting with as much vigor as he did spearing it.

Placing down her cutlery and resting her chin on her hands she aked. "What's the matter?"

"You are." Another shrimp. "I expect respect off you at all times. I am not a man you can treat as a child. You can not disuse me because you are feeling grief. I will give you all the help you need to recover but I will not be you whip boy."

"Whip boy?" Hermione had lost her smile and now a frown creased her face. "Its just banter."

"Then why do you feel guilt?" Severus spoke softly, he was not going to shout at her, he was going to help bring her out of this inner turmoil she was trapped in. "In your eyes whenever you look at me or phrase out, guilt shines through. Why is this Hermione?"

"It's just so hard." Hermione choked as she tried to regain her composer. She could have trusted Severus to see through her. The past weeks had been eating away at her, even more so once she found out the reason behind his wanting of a child. It was her fault Albus was still dieing. "It's my fault the baby died."

"It wasn't, your body rejected it. I couldn't pin-point why it did so but your body refused to accept it. It was eating away at the sac the second you conceived. I have been working to see if it was my own fault. The results are yet to be known." Severus reached over and took her hand in his. "Don't blame yourself. You have no need to feel guilt. Come let's go home."

"Ok." Hermione sniffed as a tear fell from her eye. She watched as Severus stood from his chair, walked around to her and helped her from her own chair. Take his arm Hermione was lead out of the restaurant.

* * *

"I'm sorry I ruined tonight." Hermione sheepishly said as Severus sat next to her on the couch. He had covered her with a blanket and made her a cup of tea. Her face was wet and red as tears had just finished their falling, her hair was falling out but most of it remained held up. 

"I'm sorry I didn't realize what was happening before it had got to this stage." Severus stretched as he yawned. Looking at the woman he spoke in a softer tone. "And for not saying how wonderful you look tonight."

"I look a mess!" Hermione huffed wiping her nose.

"I beg to differ." Severus replied as he started into her eyes. Hermione was taken back at the powerful look in his eyes, they was a mixture of concern, heat and trust. She felt he moved close to her and take her hand like he did before. "I want to make this work Hermione. I want to help you, be there for you, as you were for me every time I returned from a reveal."

"Severus…" Hermione felt her chest tighten and her eyes flutter with out much thought she leant towards him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. With out giving him chance to respond she pulled back and smiled and then left him on the couch as she went to her room to sleep.

Severus sat confused as he watched her go but it was when he heard her door click shut that he realized what had actually happen and a smile formed on his face. She was getting under his skin again he realized as he dosed the lights and made for his own room. It would be hard parting with her once her apprenticeship was over now.

* * *

school is now over, have no job yet and plently of free time. Guess what this means! quicker updates. Remember i reply to reviews via email! and thanks for getting me past the 100 mark for the first time ever! 


	8. Chapter 8

Gosh sorry its ben so long. Slight problems. I'm going to try add some HBP properites into the story. Still not entirely happy with HBP but it was a good book. Remember i reply via emila to reviews! Enjoy the chapter, i enjoyed writing it and sorry for any mistakes, havent beta-ed it. a mistake was spotted and now has been changed, normaly i would leave it but it was a rather big mistake on my part. sorry.

* * *

Chapter 8

"The answer is no." Severus stated as he walked towards the bookcase to place a book back. For months he had been researching for an answer to the cause of the child's death, in fact he had been so immersed in his work that it wasn't until Hermione brought up going to her parents house, well it was her house now, for Christmas he realized it was indeed December. Sliding the book back in to home Severus moved around his study to face Hermione who was standing in the door way. "It's time to see Albus. Come let's go."

"But-"

"Hermione" The warning tone was enough for her not to ask again as Severus lead the way to where Albus was hidden. Severus himself hasn't been down to see the old wizard for a while; he had left Hermione to pay him a visit on her own for the past week. Upon entering the room he regretted allowing her that privilege. Everywhere was some sort of seasonal decoration. Turn around he saw Hermione. "And what is the meaning of this?"

"It was his favorite Holiday." She said it as if it would explain everything, from the tinsel to the flashing lights.

"Is that a Santa hat on his head?" Severus rubbed his face as he moved towards the frozen man in the room.

"I thought the whole suit would be a bit too much." He watched her look around the room, she seemed pleased with the results but it only reminded Severus of a big pile of flashing vomit.

"I think you need to get out more." Severus replied as he checked over Albus. The results were less than pleasing; it would seem he was beginning to thaw. He would have to recast the spell again, but it seemed as it was becoming less effective to use.

"Is that a yes then?" She was fidgeting again; she always did that when she asked for something. Why did she act like a child asking for sweets when they knew dinner would be ready soon? He couldn't understand why that annoyed him, but he didn't want her to see him as an authority figure and with the old feelings being rekindled he defiantly didn't want to be see as a father, brother or any kind of related figure.

"You don't need my permission."

"Well in the contract it says-"

"We will go if you wish. I was only thinking of your safety earlier." Severus was beginning to become worried. Time was running out. Maybe time away from the castle will help convince Hermione to try again. He could tell her about Albus' depleting chance of survival but he didn't want to make the mistake of making her think she hasn't got a chose to do so. "How long do you want to stay for?"

"Just from Christmas eve to the day after boxing day."

"I think we can do that." What followed were a scream and a Hermione throwing her arms around him. She was mumbling about dinner, presents, wine and other festive things as she clung to him. Freeing himself of her, Severus began restoring the area around Dumbledore to the same it was before he had arrived, it was time to leave him and search for some answers.

* * *

It was dark when they arrived, the garden was over grown and weeds had taken to growing in the footpath. The last time Severus had seen this house it was in chaos and the echoes of screams still rang in his ears. Those voices were back as he followed Hermione up the path, her mother had bedded and pleaded for her husband. All that Severus could do at that time was to take note of the wizards who inflicted the pain and hope that it would all be over soon. He felt his throat restrict as Hermione opened the door, he stood hesitant for a short moment before he enter after her. He had never planned to visit the houses of the victims of his past and he never planned to fall for the daughter of said victims either.

"Sorry it's abit dusty." Hermione said as she walked through the house turning on various lights. 'Abit dusty was abit of an understatement, Severus thought as he followed after her trying not to inhale the speckles that roomed the air after Hermione had unsettled it. It felt as if he was standing in the empty shell of a house, these walls had once sang with the enjoyment of a loving family and now all that was left was the weeping of a once broken girl.

"You don't mind sleeping on the pull out in the study do you?" Hermione turned back and smiled to him as then reached a room in where she stood still. "There are only the two bedrooms, mine and…my parents. I'll get the duster out and clean the place up abit."

"Hermione, your forgetting something." Severus replied in a teasing voice. He was quite well educated in the Muggle word, he had used a duster him self in his youth but now he was a wizard and Hermione was a witch. Like his grandma use to say 'Why get all puffed out when you can wizz-ard it away'. "You can use your wand to clean up."

Blushing Hermione apologized and said. "You can take the girl out of the Muggle-world but you can't take the Muggle out of the girl."

* * *

"I had two fish; called them one and two because when one died I would still have two." Hermione finished speaking as she stared into the bottom of the wine glass. They we're seated in the living room watching old episodes of Neighbors. She had tried to go to bed after a quick super and a goodnight to Severus but she found that when alone in her room memories of the time and the months after her parent's death. The only comfort she had of their murder was that those who took part of it were all brutally murder shortly afterwards, the ministry had figured that Voldemort had killed him in cold blood, but when have any of his victims not been in cold blood? "I really loved those fish."

"If I didn't know better I would say you was under the babbling curse or intoxicated." Severus replied while pondering if she really did call her fish that.

"What you going to do?Finite Incantatem me?" Hermione purred, she had only planned on having the one drink to help her sleep but it had soon turned into a whole bottle. She had returned down stairs a few hours later of going to bed. She was happy to see Severus was still awake, apparently he had expected her to come down sooner or later.

"If I'm left with no chose." Severus mumbled while picking up the bottle of wine and motioning to Hermione if she wanted another and her nod he poured two healthy glasses full.

"Tell me a secret. Please?" Hermione begged as she watched him take a sip from his drink.

"You're drunk and need to go to bed." Severus stated as he placed down his glass and stood up from the couch. "Come, finish your drink. You shouldn't be drinking either, bad for your health."

"I don't wanna go up there." Hermione sniffed as she turned away from Severus. After their death, Hermione had emptied their room of all belongs and only kept the important things which was lying at the back of her wardrobe. Her own bedroom remained the same, her early childhood was safe, her childhood room was safe as long as her inner demons kept away.

"Sleep in the study and I'll take the couch." Severus offered his hand out for her and she grudgingly took it. After being pulled upright Hermione felt light on her feet and followed Severus to the small study her father had always locked him self away in after a Sunday dinner.

Falling on the pullout sofa bed Hermione kicked the covers back and settled into the folds of the cushions. Opening her eyes she saw Severus going to leave. "Wait, tell me a story."

"About what?" Severus questioned as he made his way back towards the woman, it was quicker to entertain the notions of a tipsy Hermione then to say no. Seeing there was nowhere else to sit but the floor, Severus sat himself on the bed.

"You. Tell me about your parents."

"I don't think that this-"

"Please, it just that I miss mine so much." Hermione felt hot tears fill her eyes, she didn't want to cry.

"My mother married my dad and then they had me, the end, goodnight." Severus said quickly and got up again to leave. Before he could move from the spot Hermione had already made a move and held him by his wrist. Rolling his eyes at the sloppy puppy dog look she gave him, he sat back down and began to tell a tale he had not spoke in along while. "My mother, Eileen, was a pureblood living in a small village not far from the south of France. My grandparents had move from London to escape the supremacy of Grindelwald in 1943, it was two years later that Albus defeated him. Happy with where they were settled they didn't move back to England. Eileen was just shy of 21when Grindelwald was defeated and it was on the very same night that she met my dad, Tobias Snape. He was the son of the president of France. His family was invited to the celebration at the ministry because of the work his father had done. If you haven't gathered he was a Muggle."

"You're a--?"

"Is that not the normal way it works out?" Severus' mouth curled slightly at the edges. "My grandfather told his wife of there being wizards, she had laughed at him at first but she always trusted what came out of his mouth. Tobias was also brought in on the secret as they were always members of the ministry in their house. He knew what my mum was from the beginning, as did she know him. Snape is a proud name and I used it as such in the Muggle France, I was not lying when speaking of how Snape's are known for looking after their women. My parents soon fell in love and married."

Looking down at Hermione he noticed she was drifting off to sleep. So he lowered the tone of his voice and carried on. "Albus arrived on their door one day and asked them to move to London as Voldemort was beginning to threaten the wizard-world. I was a mere child then. I was brought up by my intimidating and overbearing father and a downtrodden mother. He began to hate us for what we were, punish us for what we could not change."

"That's so sad." Her voice was heavy with sleep but she moved her hand to his.

"It's called life." Closing his eyes Severus thought back to the many times his father would look at him with pure hate. "That's the end of the story. Goodnight Hermione."

"Where's my kiss." Hermione pulled down on his arm and Severus fell down with it.

"As you wish." Severus leaned over to kiss her cheek but he found them landing on the soft lips of Hermione, taken back from the sensation of this he did not move nor deepen the kiss, it was the small content sign falling from her lips that brought him back up from the bed. "Goodnight Hermione."

"Thank you for the story and the kiss. Goodnight." Hermione smiled as she watched Severus leave the room. Hermione fell to sleep soon after the door had closed ad he dreams was of a certain dark man proclaiming his want for her.

* * *

Hermione sat at the Christmas tree she had materialize into the living room this morning; it was Christmas day and a small pile of present laid waiting for her. Not feeling well enough to leave the school to shop for her friends presents she had owl-order them, Severus had been upset for the three days that they was bombarded with several owls. In the end she had decided to buy a gift for Severus, she had done it while they was working together, fair enough he had shouted at her for being foolish enough to think he wanted something of a Gryffindor but he had used it none the less. This year she had got him a stationary pack including a wax seal she had designed herself with his initials.

Severus was sitting on the couch he had slept on the night before; a cup of freshly made coffee was in his hands. Hermione looked back at him and smiled. She had been a little bit drunk last night but thankfully she had slept off the most of it and was just left with a stomach full of acid today. Severus was so lucky, he wasn't suffering from a hangover; it would seem that the couch is not the perfect place for a man of a height just over six feet to sleep on. He had done nothing but complain of his cramped muscles so far.

Reaching over her pile she picked up the three small gifts Severus had and passed them to him. He raised an eyebrow at her but placed his cup down and took the presents from her to open. She watched as he read the gift tags.

"Lets see, this one is from Minerva, she never forgets, this one…ah…this one is from a lovely Gryffindor, who hasn't learnt her lesson from last time," Here he gave her a knowing look. "This one is from…Albus."

Hermione gasped as he read the name. "How can that be?"

"I've had one of him every year; he is related to me after all. It would seem he has a charmed Christmas list, the lazy old coot." Severus shook his head and cased the present aside and returned to the first one he had read out to open it. "I knew he must have, I've been having the same gift off him for twenty years. I have yet to need a new pair of underwear for some time."

Hermione laughed at this and tried to fight the feeling to open the present so she could see what sort of underwear they were. Minerva had got him a new Slytherin colored scarf. He had just finished unwrapping the present from her self, his brow was knitted together as he looked over the kit. He didn't say anything as he put them to the side and stood up.

Confused Hermione thought he hated the gift and turned her head away so that she could examine her own presents. She felt tears in her eyes and was angry at her self for getting so worked up about it. It was like she spent ages picking through the catalog or designing the wax seal herself. It wasn't like she spent ages milling over the idea to give it to him, it was like- and then she felt it; his arms being wrapped round her. She was still sitting facing the tree so it was an uneasy hug but it meant so much to her that she felt a tear leave her eye.

"Thank you" Hermione heard him say before his arms moved and he stood back up. Her breath had been taken from her and she turned to face him with a smile on her face, tear left forgotten. "I think I will save opening Albus' gift for later and that it is time for you to open your own gifts."

Turning to her pile of gifts with a huge smile on her face Hermione wasted no time in opening the gifts from Harry, Ginny, Ron, her family and various Hogwarts staff. Once she had finished she looked over her pile and made a note to write thank you letters after she had started cooking.

"You've missed one Hermione." Severus voice made her turn around to see that he was still standing but this time there was a small wrapped box in his hand. Standing up her self she took the box from him was a thank you. Opening the present with more care than she had the others Hermione was let with a velvet cover box that fitted in the palm of her hand. "I figure since I missed your birthday…"

Opening the lid Hermione was met with a small silver locket which was engraved with swirls of patterns and an H in the centre. "I don't know what to say."

"Say thank you Severus, and yes Slytherin are much better than Gryffindor." Severus said dismissively as he moved to sit down, he was stopped by Hermione grabbing his wrist.

"How about I say; Thank you Severus, it truly is wonderful, and give you a kiss?" Hermione ran her finger over the locket as she looked up at Severus. She closed the lid on the box and placed it on the side table. Turning back to where Severus stood rooted to the spot, she raised herself upon her tip toes and kissed him softly on his lips, smiling as she pulled away.

"Here, let me put it on for you." Severus had regained bodily functions and after many deep breaths he retrieved the box and took the necklace out. Hermione turned around for him and Severus placed the chain round her neck and fixed the clasp.

Looking down at the silver that hanged beautifully from her neck Hermione turned and hugged Severus. Both stayed that way for a while until Hermione was forced to go start preparing the Christmas dinner.

* * *

Dinner was a success in the way that it wasn't too badly burnt. Hermione had been in another world as she had cooked. Many times she stopped and fingered the locket. Severus had watched her do this several times and it made his chest expanded and retract at the same time. It was while they was eating that Severus had told her about Albus' depleting condition.

"We need the baby as quickly as possible then don't we?" Hermione asked as she forked a carrot. "It's ok, I understand. I'm ready to try again. I was going to tell you tomorrow."

"I don't want to rush you, but yes time is of the essence." Severus meet her eyes and held them, he could tell that she was thinking over her options.

"I don't want to go back to that place again."

"I understand, I'm sure Poppy will be able to help."

"We could just do it the other way." Hermione bit her lover lip; she was scared of the hospital environment. The last time has last an every lasting scar on her feelings.

"What other way?"

"The normal way."

"I don't think it would be wise. I will arrange with Poppy when we return." Severus tried to swallow the lump in his throat, he would gladly go to bed with Hermione, but how much would she regret it later on. "Thank you Hermione."

"It doesn't matter, it is to save Albus. Ready for dessert?"

It wasn't brought up again that evening. They had shared another drink then Hermione had gone to bed in her room and Severus had retired to the study. He lay awake for hours to come thinking of what he had turned down. Why had she offered in the first place? His thoughts where interrupted by the door opening and Hermione slipping in to the bed next to him. "What are you--?"

"Shh, let me have this Severus. I can't love the child when it's born but let me have the pleasure of making it." Hermione moved to press herself against him; her bare flesh tormented Severus as he thought of a way to say no. She moved her head so she can kiss his neck, it was his undoing.

Pulling her on top of him he kissed her. What they we're doing would only cause later problems, it would be harder to rid of Hermione was the apprentice is over, she could hold this over his head But the softness of her skin, the warmth of her touch and the tightness of his boxers told him to worry about those things when they happened and to enjoy while he could. And he would, he would enjoy the feel of her, the way she moaned to him, he would enjoy it all. He would worry about losing her when it came to turning her away, he would worry of a broken heart when he would have to snap it. He will worry about being reminded of her by their child for years to come when it happen, until then he was going to love Hermione.

00000

"We shouldn't have done that last night. If you are pregnant it has ruined it all."

"What do you mean; I thought the whole point was to get pregnant?" It was the morning after; Hermione was making breakfast as Severus sat at the table drink his coffee. The conversation had started from Hermione asking why he was so quite.

"The sperm wasn't altered; the child will be of yours and mine." Severus stated reaching for the newspaper. "We need it to be of Albus."

"But you're related to him, his bloody is the same as yours." Hermione placed the toast down on the table and sat down her self. "I know that you're not fully related to him but it should be enough right?"

"I don't know. It was designed to be made from most of the link between us so I would not have to find out if it would be enough, they would have been no need to as it would work with most of it. Better to be safe than sorry." Severus said as he helped himself to another piece of toast.

"I couldn't bare another lost Severus. I couldn't abort the child."

"Then we must hope for the best."

"Maybe you should just go find another mare and get her up the stick." Hermione sneered as she left the room.

Severus was left alone to think over the chance of the child being solely that of his and Hermione's. It would be nice to have a family, but now was not the time. He felt torn into, was the death of Albus worth having a family with Hermione, or was the life of Albus worth saving more than a family with Hermione. Voldemort was dead, the world had their hero already in the form of Harry Potter, Albus was not need to them but he was needed for him. Albus had always helped him when his father had been at his worse but he had also over looked Lupin nearly taking his life for the world not to know he was a werewolf. Albus had helped Severus through a lot but he has also put him though more hardships then he had helped. Was his death that bad? Who was worth more? Hermione or Albus?

Snape never knew he could love so deep for two different people.

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Poor snape, got him self in a pickle. please review they make my day! 


	9. Chapter 9

The chapter is short because i rewrote it about a thousands times. remember guys i responed by email to reviewers. Thanks for teh reviews and yet again this chapter is un-beted.

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Chapter 9

"I want _you_ to go back to Hogwarts." Hermione stated as she near enough threw Severus dinner on the table. It was still Boxing Day and Hermione was still not speaking to Severus more than she had too. It was clear that she had made two mistakes, Sleeping with him and wanting to sleep with him. Yes apart of her did it for Albus but that was just a small part. She had gone to him from need. It was too soon to let him in and it was too soon for him to let her in. Yes they had their past but it was the future which they were working towards.

Severus regarded the gravy that had splashed on the table and looked back up to Hermione. He had no idea what he had done to offend her. After breakfast she had stay upstairs in her room until she had come down to cook for him again. He watched her fold her arms and sneer at him. Moving he plate out of the gravy he spoke. "Before or after you've finished with your little show?"

"You've never cared have you? I've just been some project to you this whole time. I regret every thing of done with you, from sleeping with you last night to seeking you out on the night of my parent's death. I bet you loved it when I was in a state like that, poor little Gryffindor. I wasn't so brave that night was I? You loved the idea of me being in pain didn't you? You're just some sadist prick!" Hermione had now balled up her hands into a fist. "Get out of my house, you bastard."

Severus sat as he regarded her, when had her parents ever been an issue between them? He stood from the table, if she wanted him to leave he would. "I shall be going now then Miss Granger."

Severus left the kitchen and followed the rooms until he was out of the house. He didn't look back as he walked the block to the nearest apparition point. She would have to return to Hogwarts tomorrow her self as it was planned that way. Severus was still trying to understand why he had allowed her to speak to him that way and not set her straight her in some way. He had not spoken of his true feelings behind her parent's death as she had not asked. Nor would he tell her. This whole thing only made his choice for Albus to live or die even harder. His future with Hermione was not set; it was about as unstable as a two legged sheep. However with Albus, it was simple, he would bring him back and Albus will continue to put Severus through hard times and destroy his chance of having a family.

What was a family worth to him anyway? It wasn't as if his own family had been anything special. He disapparated to Hogwarts.

Once comfortable in his living room, glass of whisky in hand he thought about his options. It was clear that his worries were catching up on him. He had taken Hermione last night, had let her see him in a different light. Was it too soon? A child is what was needed through all of this. Just one child, he had gone for a surrogate mother rather than for love and a family. No ties were not to be made, a child would be born and Albus would be saved. It simple when put as that but when you added one bushy Gryffindor, a past of want and desire and add plan strong-headiness and you get what they are left with. He wanted her. When she had slept next to him it had been the best sleep he had in ages. No dreams of his past haunting him. It was bliss.

With this all in mind was it possible to achieve what was sought after? What he had worked endless at for nearly the past year. He need answers, he needed the guidance of Albus.

Albus was the focus in this madness, it was for him. Would it not be a waste for Albus not to be cured?

* * *

Hermione hugged her bear close to her. The bear was given to her by her parents the Christmas before they died; this was the second Christmas she would be spending alone. With out her parents, without Harry or Ron to cheer her up. She had even pushed Severus away. The soft fur of the bear was wet from her tears. Hermione had taken the bear from that box in the back of her wardrobe. The box that contained her life with her parents.

She had been wrong in the way she spoke to Severus, had accused him of everything she blamed herself for. Projected her fears onto him. He had not dissevered the way she treated him and yet he did not rebuke her for it either. Gathering her Gryffindor nobility around her as a shield she left her bear on her bed and sat at the desk. It was time to write to Severus and to apologies. Yes, she could tell him tomorrow but she would not sleep a wink if she didn't clear the air between them.

She pondered on how to start the letter, who should she address it to? Severus, sir or professor Snape. Sighing she wrote all three down

_Dear Professor Snap/Sir/Severus_

It would be too formal to write Professor. After all the way she had spoken to him was not one of a pupil speaking to a teacher. Sir held the same meaning, just less official. Screwing the parchment up she started a fresh.

_Dear Severus. _

_I wish to apologies for my behavior and anything I may have said/did to offend you. It is clear I am not the victim of some cruel mistreatment but it is you. I hope you will except this and forgive my horrendous outburst. You gave me the chance to have the wonderful experience _(Hermione became stuck again here, what was she to say as it was regarding their 'time' together. She didn't want him to think that she was trying to flatter him to forgive her but wanted to show she enjoyed it, quite a lot really.)_ of creating a child and yet I still throw it back in to your face. Which is deeply regretted on my half_ (Yes she did regret it, how was she to convince him to do it again after that?)

_I am not making any excuses for my behavior as there is none. It was uncalled for as well as being unjust. I was surprised you didn't hex me three ways from Sunday for the way I spoke to you. This year has been hard for me to adjust too; not only have I lost my parents and helped defeat Voldemort but I have lost my first child. Fair enough, the child is yours by rights but I had condemned that baby because of spite. It was not until it was gone that I realized even though it is yours, it was still apart of me while I carried it. _(Here she felt tears burn her eyes)_. It has been a year filled with more grief than I wish to experience in a life time and you have for some reason (maybe your a glutton for punishment) been there through each time. I should not have spoke of my parents. It was nether an issue before and shouldn't be one now._

_Hopefully if you do forgive me you might be in a well enough mood to come spend the remaining hours of my time here with me._

_Deeply sorry_

_Hermione._

Re-reading through it several times she thought about not including the invite for him to return. He had not been gone five hours and here she was begging for him to return. When had his company turned to meaning so much to her? Taking a risk she left the invitation, she had now passed the ball into his court. Let him do what he wished with it. Summing a Hogmeade's owl, Hermione attached the payment for using their owls and the letter. She then released it back into the sky. It was getting dark and Hermione doubted Severus would come.

She was right. He had shown up. It was now nearing 1am and Hermione had final given up hope. She pulled herself up from the couch, switched of the T.V and lights and headed for bed. She was abit disappointed that he hadn't shown up but after the way she had treated him, she wasn't going to hold her breath for him to turn up in the next few minutes. Reaching her bed, she quickly changed into her sleepwear and climbed into bed. Emotionally drained from the day; it wasn't long until she fell to sleep.

In her dreams she saw her parents around the Christmas tree, Both smiling and happy while they unwrapped gifted. They hugged Hermione and kissed her as they wished her a merry Christmas. They had gotten her a bear but a bigger gift was waiting upstairs for her. Running up the stairs, her parents followed. They cheered her on when she looked around the room, searching for this gift. Her mum told her it was in the wardrobe. Confused Hermione didn't go in the there but continued to search around. Her mum was yelling at her now. "It's in the wardrobe, go in there, you'll be safe and don't come out."

Hermione saw that her mum was scared. Why was she scared? It was just a gift. Who was dad talking too? He was at the bedroom door shouting at them. Her mum got up and pushed her inside, locking the door.

"My daughter isn't here."

But I'm here Hermione thought as she peered through the gap. What was happening? She couldn't see anyone but she could here the screaming, pressing her self closed to see, Hermione jumped as an eye looked back at her. She screamed as the doors slowly opened. It was them. "NO" they were going to get her. "Don't" "Please" "No"

They reached inside to grab her and Hermione screamed and knew that it was the scream of the dead.

"Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!" Hermione heard her voice echo as she woke. Her heart was racing and her pajamas clung to her from her sweat. She looked around her room tried to get her bearings back. She was in bed at home. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Then she heard the floor boards squeak. Her heart jump and she snapped open her eyes in the direction of where it came from. In the shadows she could make out the outline of figure. They were back, it was the Death Eaters. Hermione yelled "Leave me alone!"

The figure moved forwards, into the light streaming in from the window. It was then she could see who it was.

"Severus?"

"You had a nightmare." Severus stated. He didn't move from where he stood.

"I know. You got my letter?" Hermione watched as he took out a piece of paper from his pocket.

Severus opened it out and read from a line. "'A glutton for punishment.' It would seem that you are right." He smiled then, it was small and would have been mistake for a twitch if did know Severus that well. "What was it about? Your dream."

"My parents. And I'm sorry."

Severus folded the letter away and moved to be next to Hermione. He stood on something soft and looked down to find it was a bear. Picking it up he smoothed down the fur and placed it on the bedside table. "Your forgiven. We all have our ways of dealing with the past Hermione."

"I dreamt that it was at Christmas that they died and not at Easter." Hermione sat up and patted on the bed for Severus to sit down. Her parents had died during the Easter break. They were all in her parent's bedroom when they had attacked. Hermione was pushed and locket into the wardrobe by her mother while her dad tried to stale them. She had been forced to watch through a small gap as her parents were killed before her. They had began to trash the house and set it alight while they looked for her. Someone had peered into the wardrobe and found her but the sounds of people apparating into the house had scared them off before they could take her.

"It is at the holidays that we miss our loved ones the most." Severus spoke softly with a sad look on his face. He was there during the raid and it had been Avery who had found her, had he not informed Albus before Hermione would not be alive today. She had come to him that night. Sought him out from the rest, crying of the guilt she felt of just standing there and watching her parents die. He had offered her no words of comfort, he had just replied that it was properly for the best that two muggle's were killed and not a witch. After all it was not those Muggle's who could help defeat Voldemort. It was the following 29th of December when Voldemort had finally been defeated. That was a year ago in a few days.

"Thank you for coming back."

"How could I not take up that invite after you admitted it was your fault?" Severus Chuckled. "I have a punishment for your bash behavior; you get to mark the rest of the essays. Saved the best for you, first years."

"Oh gosh, I would rather juggled with Ashwinder eggs and set myself alight then mark those." Hermione moaned as she thought of the first years, she had learnt that it was hard to get them to remember anything and three-quarts of the work handed in was just copied right out of the text book.

"That could be arranged." Severus smirked. If there was one thing he loved about having apprentices is that he could give them all the boring work.

"Don't tempt me." Hermione yawned as she spoke. "What time is it?"

"Just gone 3. I would have arrived sooner but I wanted to do all the marking so that it was only the first years left. Just to make sure you will mark the correct ones you rule-breaking miscreant." Severus chuckled as she pulled a face of self righteousness. "Its late and we have the next batch of Wolfsbane to work on once we return to the castle plus you've got marking to do."

"Urgh, talk about Christmas cheer." Hermione scoffed and pulled the covers above her head. Reemerging some what dishevel from the blanket Hermione smiled at Severus. "Sleep with me, I feel saver. When I'm with you."

"No monkey business?" Severus quirked an eyebrow as he pulled off his shoes. He had hoped he could share a bed with her again, not for the same reason as last night, but she had calmed his sleep and it would seem he might be able to do the same for her.

"Not unless you wan too?"

"Hermione." Severus tone was one of warning and of being tired out as he slipped of his clothes, while keeping his trousers on, and climbed into bed with her.

"I know. Good night Severus." Hermione sighed and turned so that her back was to him, fluffing up the pillow as she did so.

"Good night Hermione." Severus watched her drift off to sleep and then final moved so he was in the spoon position, his arm over Hermione, and holding on to her. There would be no more nightmares tonight.

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Yet again im sorry its short. I have a job-thingy tomorrow where i find out if i have a job or not and now im going down the pub. Dont forget to reviews chickas! 


	10. Chapter 10

I know, i know. Its late. I didnt keep my promise. But that was because i was bussy quiting my job! yay for me

Remember that i dont own harry potter and that i reply to reviews via email! thanks to all those who have reviewed!

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Chapter 10

"You've got to be kidding me?" Hermione exclaimed. It was the New Years Eve and even though Voldemort was defeated on the 29th it had been decided that the celebration would be held over New Year's. Hermione had just finished getting ready for the ball which is being held in the great hall. She was wearing her new red satin dress for the first time since she brought it from her shopping trip just before September. She had pulled her hair into a clip at the back of her neck, this way she didn't have to worry about it falling down or being in her face and her face was dusted in a light covering of make-up. Once she felt she was ready she had left her room to find Severus in his dressing gown arranging his lesson plans for the New Year. It would seem he didn't in tend on going tonight. "You are expected to be there!"

"I am expected of nothing Hermione, I've done my part." Severus replied his voice one of indifference as he looked up at her to quickly take in what she looked like before returning to his work. Hermione huffed as she moved in front of him. Realizing that he wasn't going to look at her she pulled the parchment from under him. Severus placed the quill down and leaned back into the couch, he regarded her for a few seconds through hooded eyes before saying in a cool voice. "That wasn't a wise thing to do."

"Just stay for the opening ceremony. Please?" Hermione moved the parchment behind her back as if to hide it from him. They were back at the castle and neither had spoken of their stay at Hermione's house. It had become another unspoken issue that was never to be brought up again, however Hermione now did spend the nights in the same bed as Severus. Nothing sexual ever happen, it was merely a comfort thing between them. Both needed the other, both not willing to admit their loneliness.

At first Severus had justified their sleeping arrangement for the welling being of Hermione only, it was when he woke to find her no longer in the bed and have panic gripped his heart, that he realized that it was for him as well. She had only left for the toilet and had returned moments later but the fear of waking with out her again kept him awake for the rest of the night. He tried to push her away the next day, they had only been sharing a bed just short of a week but already he felt as it had been the norm all along. He had achieved which he was set against. He hadn't wanted a companionship but now the idea of fancying a real family, to play the role of loving husband and dotting father swirled through his mind, luring him into the worlds of 'could be's' and 'what if's' and 'if only'. It was a world he was scared to enter, it was a world he wished he was part of.

"I worked in the back ground; I am hated by most, wanted dead by a few more. Simply put, I've out lived my usefulness."

"Stop being so morbid! Do you not think that we've all out lived our usefulness for the war? Merlin knows I'm no longer needed. I helped the sick. I fought for the light. The only thing that the world needed after the war was a hero to worship; they have Harry for that but what of the rest of us?" Hermione smiled sadly. Many had died bravely in the war, thankfully most of the Order had survived through their intense training and inside knowledge, it was the less equipped that had perished.

"You're still young."

"So are you! You're what? Twenty years my elder? That's a pinch of salt compared to Albus. Not only that but you are also one of the most accomplished potions master's in Europe, if not the whole world. Out lived my arse!" Hermione rolled her eyes and chuckled. Throwing her arms up into the air in an overacted show of faux dismay. "You've got five minutes, unless you want me to drag you there in your pajamas?"

"What makes you think-?"

"Just get ready!" Hermione interrupted laughing; he was more stubborn than a mule some times.

* * *

Severus watched as Hermione danced around the room with one of the young men that had been surrounding her all night. To say that she had most of the male attention was an understatement. Wizards of the highest and lowest stature had approached her at least once this evening and as always he was left forgotten, to watch from the side lines. She did look wonderful though, her face flushed with bliss, her eyes alit with pleasure. Shaking his head softly to clear his thoughts, Severus was left to ponder on finding a solution to his current problem. She was pregnant and she didn't know it yet.

He had only known himself for a few hours, she had been complaining of being tired for the past couple of days and had taken to having naps mid-afternoon. It was during this nap earlier today that he preformed the per-parvulus charm. He was a bit taken back to see the white light enfold her but it was not impossible to become pregnant so quickly. He would still continue his research on his modified sperm, other than that he could do nothing but wait and see if this child could save Albus. Would a link so weak be enough?

His dark eyes stayed on Hermione as she continued to enjoy herself. To see her grow big with his child was something that Severus never thought he would wish to see. This woman, this amazing woman was giving him a gift of an heir. He felt confused with the conflicting emotions running inside him. Here she was, not pretending to be anything other than what she was, not trying to hide it either. Her emotions were worn on her wrist like jewelry, her strong sense of right and wrong determining her actions, almost naive at some points. Her intelligence recognized by even the most elite people. She had healed and cared for so many people during the war. He would just taint her, curse her like he is cursed, she would be better off with one of the men she had danced with tonight.

There was no other option; he would push her out of his life forever when the child was born. She would not finish the apprenticeship with him, he would arrange for a potions master more worthy of her to complete her education. He didn't deserve the happiness he desired.

"Severus! Come dance with me?" Hermione's voice broke through his thoughts; he had stopped watching her some time ago and her sudden appearance had caught him of guard and not quite sure what he was doing he replied.

"Yes."

Severus followed her, his mind still planning for the future. As he took her in to his arms and looked in to her eyes all he could think of was the inevitable pain he was going to cause her in less than a year. He led her around the dance floor in time with the soft waltz that played in the background. He dared not to look at her. He will tell her of the pregnancy tonight and deal with the rest when it came.

Until it comes to his parting with her, he would do his best to make the remaining months a pleasant experience on both sides.

* * *

"Tonight was fantastic!" Hermione smiled as she flopped down on the couch and kicked off her shoes. She frowned when she saw Severus staring at her. "What is it?"

"I have some news."

"Good or bad?" Hermione asked uncertainly.

"That's yet to be seen." Severus moved to sit next to her on the couch. It was not wise to sit in reaching range of her as her reaction to the news could be physical. "From our time together at your house-"

He paused here because of the look that was sent his way by Hermione. "-you've become with child."

"Oh my god!" Hermione screamed throwing her self on to Severus in a tight embrace. "That explains why I've be up and down like a yo-yo these pass days. Did you cast a spell to see?"

"While you were napping earlier today."

"This is fantastic Severus!" Hermione cried pulling away from him.

"Is it?" His voice was soft, uncertainty played on his face. Was it fantastic to have a child which might not save Albus? It was a risk. To have a child with a woman who he denied having affection for. Would it not taint their relationship, would he grow to hate the child for being a part of a woman he could not love? Would he turn into his own father?

"It is! A life has been made Severus. Each live is a gift. This is our gift." Hermione smiled, her eyes alit with joy.

Severus tried to echo her joy and happiness but found it impossible as he kept on thinking how he would not be able to enjoy this gift with her. Fear of being the man who had tortured him and his mother so, kept him from embracing neither the gift that is fatherhood nor the gift of a woman to love.

He would not allow himself to be the man he has fought so hard to forget.

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Go on review! you know you want too! 


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: dont own nout but me socks.

Chapter 11

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"Twelve weeks along, and your doing fine Hermione." Poppy smiled lowering her wand from Hermione's stomach. Hermione felt abit sad when the rhythmic sound of the baby's heart beat faded. "Baby's Heartbeat is 160, which is fine, and your blood pressure is abit low which is normal so don't worry about that. How are you feeling? Any symptoms?"

"Just a few, nothing too bad. I feel like gagging when I brush my teeth, I haven't been sick yet though. I'm a bit sore and tender in places and I get heartburn sometimes." Hermione pulled down her top to recover her slight bulging stomach.

"You should try eating protein and carbohydrates together and eat every two hours, which should help with the heartburn. Drink plenty of water Hermione! It's good for you and the baby." Poppy said as she regarded the two people sitting before her. "Have you been taking your potions?"

"Yes she has." Severus spoke up; he had been silent for most of the check-up.

"That's good. You can reduce it to just the one at the start of the second trimester and drinking red raspberry leaf tea will help too; it tones the uterus, improves contractions and decreases constipation."

"Thank you Poppy!" Hermione cried feeling her face redden; she had seen Poppy a few days earlier complaining about feeling constipated. Hermione cast a quick look in Severus way to find that he seemed to be nodding his head in agreement to what Poppy had said. "When should I start wearing maternity robes?"

"When your current robes become too much of a discomfort, wearing them now might help with your sore nipples." Poppy's accent made the end of her last word draw out abit longer than Hermione would have liked. Severus, thankfully, was playing dump and didn't embarrass Hermione any more by casting her knowing looks.

"Thank you Poppy." Hermione answered meekly as she stood with Severus to take their leave. "I'm looking forward to being able to brew potions again, now that the danger time has past."

"You are more than welcome Hermione but remember the danger never passes, just fades. You must be careful and no brewing the potent ones!" Poppy said as she saw them to the door. "You watch over her Severus!"

"That I will Poppy."

* * *

Once back in their quarters Hermione was finally able to taking it all in. She was soon to be in her second trimester; this first one had been a very long and tiring rollercoaster. She had scarcely dared to move during the first few weeks, fear of history repeating itself had her apprehensive of most things. It had helped a lot being on more friendly terms with Severus, when she felt low he would reassure her and help bring her up to a happier mood.

Severus had stopped her from teaching the first and second year's classes. It was too risky for her to working so close with many ingredients that are used educe labour or even end the pregnancy. So now she would mark the essays and homework while he took to taking over her lessons.

He encouraged her to eat as much as she wanted to and mixed her potion with pumpkin juice so it was less of a beating for her taste buds. Hermione's frame of mind on Severus was confused to say the least. His attitude towards her while they worked together was one of superiority, he was her teacher ad she the student who he taught and let heal him after the occasional bad reveal. Never was they equal, never was they friends. Yet, she had fallen for him during those long hours of hard work. She had known then that nothing could ever come of them but now that opinion had changed, she could even be pushed to say it was entirely the opposite.

No longer was he her teacher.

He was a man and not just any man, for he was the father of their child.

As a child she had dreamt of marrying and bearing children convinced that only the love of the deepest type could ever induce her into matrimony. It still stands today but it is now the question of whether the object of her deepest love will let her.

"It would seem we have mail." Severus deep voice brought Hermione from her musing and she smiled up at him from her position on the couch. She watched him as he walked to the window and let in the small brown owl. Taking the post from the bird Severus read the name. "It's for you."

"Who's it from?"

"There is no crest or return post on it. Your guess would be as good as mine." Severus replied as he sat next to her and handed her the letter.

Hermione shuffled about on the couch until her back was rest against the arm and her feet resting on Severus lap. It was hard for her to feel comfortable lately. Opening the letter she began reading. It was when she heard a small cough did she look up at Severus.

He was looking pointy at her bare feet.

"I'm entitled to my comfort to whoever's discomfort."

"That wasn't in the contract." Severus replied dryly.

"It was in the small print." Hermione teased going back to her letter.

"Would you not say that you are abusing the privilege?"

"That depends on your feelings towards my naked feet being displayed on your lap. The letters from Ron." Hermione added smiling as she folded the letter back up.

"How wonderful." Severus sneered.

"It is because we've been invited to Harry's and Ginny's engagement party and we're going because I didn't get to speak to them much at the ball." Hermione removed her self from the couch and went to the small writing desk in the far corner of the sitting room, wrote her reply and attached it to the bird.

"We?" Severus asked as she closed the window after the bird and moved back towards the couch.

"Your name is Severus is it not?" Hermione asked as she sat back down, slightly caught of guard when Severus helped her place her feet back on his lap.

"I very much doubt that they have written an invite directly in my name." Severus scoffly replied as he summoned a glass and a bottle of port, mind set on having a drink of the intoxicating kind before it was even midday.

"You are quite right, as always; it is in the name of 'Mione and The Grinch.' Spot on if you ask me." Hermione chuckled as Severus looked on confused.

"You mean that Muggle story about that weird green thing that tried to steal Christmas?" Severus asked rising an eyebrow.

"That is the one." Hermione said laughing softly.

"They give me too much credit, never did Albus let me ban Christmas no matter how hard I tried." Severus said sounding deeply gutted which invoked Hermione to laugh once more. "When is it?"

Hermione regained control and looked at the letter to check the date. Smiling brightly she answered "The 16th April. You have a whole month to prepare for the event."

"A month I will cherish."

"Don't act as if you facing the Dementor kiss. You might enjoy Ginny's party."

"I would sooner call her mother a wit."

* * *

"Fantastic Hermione! Everything is Fantastic!" Poppy smiled patting Hermione hands, which had swollen as well as her feet due to the surprisingly sunny weather for April. Her stomach had grown more, it was not hard to mistake that she was pregnant and she had faced a few hard days of having to answer questions from staff and students. "Your in you 16th week, we should be able to tell the sex now. Do you want to know?" 

Hermione grimaced at the question, Severus was not with her for this check up for he was still 'mentally preparing' for the party they would be attending in three short hours. She hadn't thought about this part of the pregnancy, the sex of the child wouldn't make a difference and Hermione was still under the contract, surly knowing what sex the child was would not endanger her forming a stronger attachment? Besides, Severus may never know of what is said today. "Yes, I would. Very much in fact."

"This spell is very accurate and easy. Three lines under you belly button will appear on your stomach if it's a Girl, for a boy it would be a circle surrounding the bell button." Poppy smiled and waved her wand in a small flicking movement. Slowly a bold line formed on her stomach. "And here we have it. A boy!"

Hermione felt her face lit up in pleasure, it's a boy. Severus will have a son. Albus will be saved. Realization dawned on her and she felt the pit of her stomach fall.

These people will have the beauty of her child but she will have nothing.

Hermione could not let the contract win.

She was going to be the mother of this child.

* * *

Hermione arrived back to her rooms to find the place dimly lit, wondering where Severus was she walked further into the room.

It was then when she noticed the few candles arranged about was the reason behind the soft lighting. The smell of cooking filled her nose as she entered the sitting room fully. And it was there, standing next to the roaring fireplace did she see Severus waiting for her.

"Oh my." Her words were breathless and floated across the room to where Severus smiled when he heard them.

"It's nothing, really, just to mark a page in live." Severus voice hummed as he spoke.

"What page is that?" Hermione smiled.

Severus looked into her eyes a few seconds before he spoke. "The beginning of another life and I don't mean the child's."

Slowly she moved towards him until she was stood not inches away from him and took his hands in hers. "Severus-"

"Shh" Severus purred as he moved a hand to cup her face and lowered his lips towards hers.

Hermione felt her heart flip as his lips came to claim hers. Moving her arms to encircle him. So found her hands had grabbed something soft and square. Opening her eyes fully, Hermione was not happy to see the four walls of her bedroom from her view on the bed. She had dreamt it all. Damn it.

After her check-up with Poppy Hermione had returned to the rooms to find Severus wasn't there. Knowing that the evening would be tiring for her she had went to her room for a nap. She had not slept in this room since Christmas. It felt weird to awake to the four white walls instead of the blue ones of Severus.

Sighing she pulled herself up out of bed and wet in search of a quick snack before getting ready for the night. Opening her door she found Severus sitting on the couch.

"You're awake." He said coldly as she moved further into the room.

"I am," Hermione was taken back at his tone of voice. It had been a long time since he spoke to her like that. Maybe the idea of spending the evening with people he claimed to loath didn't encourage him into a happy mood. Still that was no excuse to take it out on her. "Where were you earlier? When I got back, you weren't here so I thought it would be best if I slept in my own bed then to sleep in yours without your permission." Why was she explaining all this to him? It wasn't as if he asked. "Your bed is a lot more comfortable though."

Hermione was surprised to see his shoulders relax and his voice not so disconnected and cold when he spoke. "My bed is free for you to use at any time. I was in town, had a few things to buy for the summer term. I picked you up a small something as well. It's on the writing desk."

Moving to the desk, Hermione found a large box waiting for her. "Small?"

"Just open it."

Following his instructions, Hermione pulled of the lid and moved the wrapping paper aside. A wide smile appeared on her face as she pulled out a long emerald green maternity dress robe. "It's beautiful."

"I had guess with your stomach growing large with child you would be lacking suitable dress robes." Severus explained. "It's spelled to enlarge with growth."

"I don't know what to say." Hermione chuffed smiling intensely.

"You haven't got time to say anything, we are late as it is, go get dressed."

"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed as she placed her hands on her stomach.

"What? What's the matter?" Severus moved quickly so he was at her side, hands rested on her so that he could guide her to the couch.

"Its nothing, I just fel-oh-there! It happened again!" Hermione smiled whispery laughs escaping her. "He's got the hiccups!"

"The hiccups? Does it hurt? Maybe we shouldn't go tonight" Severus asked a frown on his face and concern laced into his words.

"No, not at all! There like little flutters, I've felt them before." Hermione giggled, she felt so excited when her stomach fluttered. Every time she felt them it reminded her on how real their situation was. How she was going to have a child. "Come, I'll go get dressed, we can't miss tonight. It's good to feel him move."

"Indeed." Severus answered deep in thought. Hermione left him on the couch and went to her room to change.

* * *

Severus sat and watched as Hermione talked in good nature to her friends. It felt to him that the whole of the Gryffindor population at some point or another, was currently squashed into this hellhole of a house. He would bet his entire fortune that Mrs. Black was turning in her grave at having so much 'filth' in what was her house once upon a time.

"It's amazing what they've done to the old place isn't it?" Remus spoke as he sat in the empty chair next to the Potions Master. He handed him a glass of what Severus hoped was alcohol and carried on speaking. "Of course it is temporary, they plan to move in to Godric's Hollow after the wedding. This place is too ridden with dark magic to bring up a family."

"And yet Black didn't seem too abnormal." Severus sneered as he inspected the glass and to his pleasure he found it was whiskey. It wasn't his chosen drink but it would do until a better substitute come along.

"Well, I- erm, Hermione is looking rather glowing and radiant. Her dress robes are beautiful, did you choose them?" Remus asked nodding in the direction of the Golden trio.

"They are a present from me, yes. Not that it is any of your business." Severus raised an eyebrow as he sipped from his drink.

"Of course it isn't old chap. Cant help but be a bit curious." Remus chuckled.

"Was it not curiosity that killed the cat?" Severus asked. "I'm sure they would not mind if I improved the saying to 'curiosity killed the Wolf'."

"I fear that curiosity might be what end my days on this earth at some point." Remus laughed good hearty at Severus. "I dare say that a certain young Gryffindor Lady will be the means to you ends."

"And what do you mean by that?" Severus coldly said reducing himself to have a larger in take of alcohol, to settle his temperament long enough to hear where this was going.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Remus sighed. "She is carrying your child. I known she is literary just carrying it for you but she is an amazing woman, Severus. Even if you don't see it, we can! There is something deep between you two and if you don't act on it, it will fade to nothing."

"Thank you for enlightening me, I am no longer blind. If there is such a 'thing' between us I hope it fades soon. I'm not after a wife Remus." Severus snorted. His eyes still on Hermione. Remus was right, he could feel it too, something was there pulling him towards Hermione. It wouldn't do though. In the end he will hurt her and she will run away and find a man who deserves her more than he.

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Remus shook his head in remorse for his pained friend. "Don't hide from it Severus, she would love you."

"Let her hate me for what I am and not love me for something I'm not." Severus replied. They both reflected on what was said before Remus moved away from him and Severus was left to watch Hermione in peace.

* * *

so there you have it the next chapter!

Erica: i know i was meant to send this to you first but i was so excited about this chapter i couldnt wait to post it. But it is still dedicated to you!

i want to say a big thank you to all those who reviewed, i know i havent email yet but i will do it soon! until then i need a name for this child! help!


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks to Erica Dawn! Fantastic work!

There shouldn't be any mistakes in this chapter enjoy and review!

**Chapter 12**

* * *

She was sitting with worry etched on her face when he entered the living room. Severus sighed and moved to sit next to her. She didn't seem to notice him coming and jumped a little when he spoke. "What is it?"

"He's not moving. Something's wrong." Hermione spoke, her voice small.

"When was the last time you felt him move?" Severus questioned his own worry beginning to rise.

Hermione frowned and then looked at the clock, her face relaxed as she worked out the time. Smiling she spoke. "Twenty minutes ago. I'm sorry, it's just when I think that he hasn't moved for a while I begin to worry."

"This is a new experience for you. It's quite understandable for you to overreact at times." Severus replied his voice smooth as velvet. He had be worried himself then. He sat back into the couch and pondered. She was in her 19th week now. When she was at 17weeks he had found her talking to her stomach, he didn't interrupt her and she didn't say anything to cause him to worry. She spoke about general things to him, such as the weather and news.

Him?

How long had he been calling him a he? Now that he thought about it, Hermione had been calling him a he for some time too. Then again she had also taking to comparing herself to being, as she put it, clumsy as a pregnant ox. Heartburn had become a problem for her as well. With all these things she was suffering, Severus was surprised she hadn't started treating the pregnancy as an illness.

"Oh I think I just felt him! Severus, place you hand here and tell me if it's him." Hermione grabbed his hand and placed it on her newly exposed skin. It was the first time he had felt her 'bump'; he closed his eyes as he felt the expansion of her stomach, in there was his child. In there was Albus' only chance.

Albus' condition had not changed from what it was at Christmas, he was still slowly defrosting and Severus had calculated that it would take the rest of this year before he fully defrosted. Hopefully this child will be the savior that is needed. Hermione visited Albus less than what she used to, maybe it was due to the pain she felt when walking or she was hiding from the reason why the child was to be born.

Severus was brought from his thoughts as he felt a slight movement. There! He felt it again, it wasn't strong but he could feel it all the same. He opened his eyes and looked at Hermione, she was beaming down at him and he couldn't help but smile back. "I can feel him."

"That's your son, Severus." Hermione smiled meekly.

"My son?" Severus questioned she seemed so sure that it was a boy.

"Poppy cast a spell just before Harry and Ginny's party. It's a boy Severus. Its – _your_ son." Hermione smile was weak now and Severus could guess to why it was so. It was his son. Not hers. It pained her to think of it that way he could tell. The air around them lost its excitement and was replaced with the uncomfortable air of understanding.

"I-erm- never thought there would be a day when I would be given the gift of a child, let alone a son." Severus voice was soft and full of unsaid emotion. When he was a child he would comfort his mother after a rather bad beating, speaking English as his father only spoke French. She would plead with him to treat his own children better, to accept what they want or chose to be and to love the woman who gave him these children for she was creating a miracle each time she was with child. In those moments he had promised every time. He had promised never to be his father, yet every day when he looks in the mirror...it is that man who stares back at him.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. I am doing nothing that is special. You've paid me to have this child. You owe me no thanks." Hermione shrugged.

"Either way I am still thankful." Severus looked into her eyes, willing her to see why things have to be the way they are. If he was to marry then there was no hope for him not turning into his father but to have a child in such a marriage as well, then there was no hope that his son would not turn out like him.

He could not repress Hermione the same way he watched his mother be.

* * *

"I'm glad you've came Ginny." Hermione smiled as she embraced Ginny the best she could without bouncing her with her stomach, it wasn't large enough to bounce her into orbit but Hermione felt as if she was huge enough to bounce her at least a foot into the air. It was rather uncomfortable trying to hug someone with out squashing her stomach. "It's been so long!"

"I know it has! Look at the size of you now! How long gone are you?" Ginny smiled staring at the jean clad stomach in awe before sitting down on the couch.

"Just gone 20 weeks. I've been so bored not being able to see any of you guys." Hermione smiled. Severus was away on 'business' for the weekend, leaving Hermione utterly fed up and in lack of decent company. "Don't get me wrong the staff is wonderful but I couldn't really tell them in great detail the woes of being pregnant with a child that isn't mine."

"What have you said to the staff?" Ginny asked with a frown on her face. She moved so she could face Hermione more comfortable and she could tell that Hermione was struggling deeply. "Miony?"

"The senior staff was a bit iffy with the idea of Severus wanting a child; there were a lot of questions asking why. They've known him a lot longer than any of the new staff so it's like his the pot calling the kettle black." Hermione sighed; she had stayed a lot longer in their rooms during that horrible time. "They were fine with me being a surrogate but it was out of character for Severus to want something that he boasts about hating 24/7. Everyone knows he isn't keen on children. So it confused them why he wanted one."

"What did you tell them?" Ginny asked softly as she rubbed Hermione's arm in a sign of comfort.

"I told them that it was in exchange for an apprentice and I'm very happy to do it because not only do I get a free Master's qualification but I also help to create one of the most beautiful things in the world, but if they wanted to know why Severus wanted a child they would have to ask him and not me." Hermione explained. "The only person who did ask him was that new Muggle studies, Professor Vic Hearts. I don't think she will speak to him every again, the poor girl."

"Was he that bad?"

"Oh yes, he was already in a bad mood but he just went off on one when she asked him." Hermione smiled at the memory. "I pretended to have a migraine so I could go to bed early and not suffer his wrath any longer."

"Good thing we've got the whole weekend without him!" Ginny laughed. "So how is it all going?"

"I have this sinking feeling that this child is going to be born a shade lighter than magenta." Hermione admitted. "I can't eat enough beetroot! Or pickled Cucumbers! I've lost my once sweet tooth."

"What's Snape been like with that then?" Ginny was openly laughing as she moved around on the couch, her luggage and cloak already set in Hermione's old room.

"If he laughs when he catches me putting peanut butter on tortilla chips he does so privately." Hermione summarized as she thought of Severus' shock and mild disgust when he learnt of her new eating habits. "He went all the way to the kitchens the once just to fetch me some beetroots for my pizza."

"With pizza? That's just sick!" Ginny said while her face was scrunched up like she had sucked on a lemon.

"Oh no, it goes really well with lemon curd on top." Hermione replied nodding her head. "I've still got a few pieces in the fridge if you wanna try one."

"NO! It's ok, really." Ginny laughed.

"I love being pregnant, there's this thing that's like a Sneakascoop but with ear phones that lets me listen to the baby's heartbeat. But I wish my hormones would give me a break." Hermione sighed wishing that her hormones would just get up and leave. At times she would be purring hoping that Severus would look at her, fall suddenly in love and take her to bed as fast as possible, hell he didn't even need to fall in love with her, just a quick shag would do. The most she got of him though was a slightly worried look and questions on her health, physical and mental. "I started crying at the Quidditch match last week just because it started raining. I was crying my heart out because so many people were going to get rained on. I thought of all the wet clothes the House-elves would have to wash and that they would have to work all day. It felt as if it was the worst thing to happen in the world!"

"I'm glad Harry and I am going to wait until we're married before having kids. It sounds nasty"

"It is Gin, but I dare say it will all be worth it in the end." Hermione smiled wishing with her all might that it was true and it would be worth it in the end.

* * *

Severus felt empty as he left the office of Professor Fitzwilliam, the weekend had been hard but it was finally all settled. In December Hermione will be moving to Spain to finish off her apprentice under Eric Fitzwilliam, one of the best potions masters in the world, he even surpassed himself. Yes it was wrong of him to solve his problems by running away from them. Hermione would never forgive him for arranging her future with her permission, but after she knows how great a man Eric is, how much he knows and how he's more picky about who he chooses for an apprentice than Severus was. She would agree to leave, still hating him and will never talk to him again.

This is what he wanted, so why does he feel so depressed?

* * *

**A/N So im stuck for a name!**

Alexander? or Alastair?

Vote for your favorite and the winner will be the one with the most votes. Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter is to all those who reviewed ch12!**

**Primax, Anarane anwamane, Xylexia, Slytherin Queen, June W, Ceil, Karasu2, Erica Dawn, m482, SataiDelenn, lunamoonlightfawn, flairverona, longlegs564, deedee c, aniamifan1988, Irol, migratingcoconuts06, Phantompirate, kyo's favorite kitty, Spider web, greyphoenix, moira, retarted monkey, zoe, Pathatlon, rinny08, angela danton, lilsnape, miakoda, Zenni, Transylvanian, christieannaAnna, Dragonero, severus-fan, Natsuyori, Saiya-jin girl, Hahaha-evil**

**It isn't the author who makes the story but it is those who read it**

* * *

CHAPTER 13

"It's driving me mad Poppy, every male I see, of age of course, I want to pounce on them! Even Hagrid has been tempting me!" Hermione cried in expiration, she was at her 24 weeks check up. "I can't go on like this, I knew the hormones would be hard to deal with but I'm foaming at the mouth every time. It's like I've go a radar that turns me into a sex-crazy-mad-woman every time it spots potential humping."

"What about Severus? Would he not help you in your condition?" Poppy winked as she retracted the medic-measuring tape. "Your fundus is just below your navel now, every thing is fine."

"It isn't! I'm going to be reduced to a carnal beast by the time this child is out and I've still got three months left!" Hermione thrashed her head visualizing her point. "Severus wouldn't touch me. I'm here to give him a child not for him to shag me!"

"Then you must trick him into it then. Make him think it was his idea, he would be willing to sacrifice his body for the good of helping out a woman in need." Poppy chuckled. "If you feel the need to pounce on him, go ahead but just make sure you keep to the bed and not a potions table."

"Poppy! Slugs and all kinds of things are cut up on those!"

"Exactly, and be careful which way you do it as well, I found that the 'Spoon' was the most comfortable during my pregnancies." Poppy laughed as Hermione began to blush. "I'm only playing dear, don't worry about it. Now every thing is fine but I want you to be aware of the signs of a premature labor."

"Is it a bigger risk now?" Hermione asked her hand instantly moved to cradle her stomach, she could feel the baby all the time now, and she could even tell when he was awake or not.

"The risk has been the same through out but now we have reached the stage where if a premature birth was to happen, if caught in time the baby has a good chance of surviving." Poppy nodded gravely. "So if you feel cramps more than five times in an hour. Or if there's any bright red blood, low, dull backache or intense pelvis pressure. Come see me straight away!"

"I will. Thank you Poppy." Hermione tried her best to smile as she heaved herself of the bed to begin her journey back to the dungeons for her lesson with the first years.

* * *

"I'm not coming out!" Hermione called from the locked bedroom.

Severus sighed, he couldn't even remember what had caused her to run and hide anyway. They were sitting at the table enjoying a nice meal when he mentioned the robes she had on were inappropriate for potions work. He hadn't the chance to finish his sentence before she had run off crying about being unattractive. "Damn hormones."

He wasn't in the wrong this time. Her robes were inappropriate, the sleeves were too long, and what if they dipped into the cauldron? She could get hurt. "Hermione, I did not say that you were unattractive, now come out."

"It's what you meant though isn't it! Poor Hermione Granger too ugly for even Snape to fancy!" Her voice was muffled by sobs and the door separating them.

"That's just absurd! Now open the door so we can speak like rational people or I'm blowing it down!" Severus yelled. she could be so frustrating at time. Every thing was going fine, _they_ were going fine.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Hermione walled.

Severus had had enough, releasing his wand he ripped down all the wards before blasting the door of its hinges, yes he could have just used the door knob but he felt the need for a dramatic display. He would put her straight; he was not going to put up with her whining for any longer.

"Severus-" Hermione said meekly from the corner were she had crouched herself.

"What is it Hermione?" Severus sneered; he was going to yell but seeing her huddled into herself, her face raw from crying reminded him of his childhood days and how often he would find his mother in that very same position. Seeing Hermione like was like a slap in the face. There was no running away from it, he would be his father. He moved to squat next to her, his anger depleted leaving him hollow inside. "Talk to me and I will find away to make it better."

"You can't make it better." Her breathing was coming in short gasps.

"I can if you just tell me." His voice was soft.

"My mum warned me she was a pregnant-in-all-direction's woman and its going too happened to me! I already got her cellulite! I'm just so fat and ugly nobody's ever gonna want me!" Hermione's sobs increased again and Severus was at a loss.

"I'm not good with crying women Hermione, even worst with pregnant ones. You're going to have to tell me how to make you…better." He tried to say it as softly and sincerely as he could but he never did have a way with words.

"Make me feel beautiful." Hermione sniffed looking through her eyelashes at Severus.

Severus stood back up and regarded Hermione; he stood silent for a few seconds before moving to the hole where his door use to stand. Severus shocked his head and sighed. "I can't make you feel beautiful Hermione, you already are."

And then he left her in the room to cry alone.

It hurt him to walk away from her in such a state but didn't she understand what she was asking him? He could move Hermione as far away from him as humanly possible, and yet it still wouldn't change his fate. He would be his father, with or without Hermione.

He knew he was running away, he did it as a child, run and hide from his father's fists. Run and hide instead of saving his mother. He was a wizard, he knew how to use his wand and yet he did not stop his father, who was a simple Muggle, he had watched and cried as his mother pleaded. Pleaded for her life.

It was only when her body had turned cold and the blood on the floor started to dry did he think to use his wand. He did not case the killing curse, but the effect was still the same. It took longer and made a lot of mess but the outcome was still the same. The ministry had done a good job to hush up that tragedy in the summer of his third year, a cover story was made and he spent the rest of the summer locked in a padded cell at St Mungos.

It was Albus that stopped St Mungos from being Azkaban instead. It was Albus that become his guardian, yes he still had to stop in a children's home during the holidays but it was better than an orphanage any day. He owed Albus his freedom, both past and current. He will never be able to repay him for what he had done, but Severus could cure him. Even if it meant turning his back on having a family.

He would server Dumbledore until the day he died. It was a duty that he had to do. To repay for the countless sins that swallowed his soul.

Taking the option of drinking his troubles away, Severus cracked open a new bottle of whiskey and set to drink it dry. And as he drank heavily all he could think about was how he was running away again.

* * *

Hermione wiped her face on the ruff wool sleeve of her robe. She had dressed to have him notice her. Which he did but not in the way she hoped. Is the only thing he sees when looking at her is the fact she is a student? Well semi-student but nevertheless did he not see her for the woman that is crying out for his attention? She craved him to notice her, to see her as a woman. No, to see her as the woman he could love.

Her tears were real but they were not shed because of what he said. They were shed because she had failed. Maybe the hormones were helping to add her suffering, traitorous things. Hermione was lost; he had said she was beautiful so why did he run away from her? Cuddled in the corner she thought of her mother and the traits she had passed on to her. What would she pass on to the baby in her stomach? Her hair? Thinking of these things sent a bolt of realization through her; she was going to be a mummy herself.

But how could she be a mother to a child that come his birth wont belong to her?

Resting her head against the hard wood of the wardrobe Hermione empty her head of thoughts and willed her tears to stop. Exhaustion fell over her and sleep was quickly given in to.

When she awoke she found that it was morning and she had been moved on to the bed, her robes were creased but her shoe's was removed. Her head felt thick and her eyes heavy. Moving to sit up her muscles protested; it would seem that sleeping on the floor was not a smart thing to do. Reaching for the lamp next to the bed she noticed a piece of parchment with her name on. Turning the light on and picking up the note she settled back into the covers to read.

_Hermione,_

_I have taken over your lessons for the week so you are free to do what you want._

_Severus_

Hermione was sad to remember it was the last week of school. The skies were always sunny with the June sun, which Hermione couldn't see for the curtains were closed, and students were becoming excited. Hermione had planned to have some fun with the lower years being as they didn't have their exams.

It was nice to have the whole day to herself but being as they weren't leaving the castle for the summer, Hermione had wanted to teach as much as she could, just so she had something to do.

Resigning herself to the fact that Severus must have some sort of wrapped reason behind her having the week off, Hermione pushed herself out of bed and moved to take a bath. A long hot bath with lots of bubbles.

* * *

Hermione was worried, it was two weeks since she woke up to find his note about having the week off, she had not seen Severus at all that day nor did he sleep in the same bed as she. He didn't speak while they ate meals and after he was finished he would go back out. He didn't sleep in the same bed as her and he looked worse and worse as each day passed. Hermione was left to her own devices and would often go to talk to Poppy or Minerva. When she had stopped up waiting for Severus to come back, he arrived drunk. He had told her to stay away from him, that he wasn't good enough. Before stumbling in to her old room. She had tried talking to him but he just snapped at her and left.

It was being normal for him to come back drunk every night and to have another drink before going to bed.

But tonight Hermione wanted some answers. She had brewed some **Veritaserum**early that day; yes the ministry was the only ones to control the use of it legally but she couldn't go on like this.

Reading her book, or at least trying to read it, Hermione felt her stomach flutter; she didn't know if it was from the baby or nerves. She sat on the couch for a few more hours before the door opened and in walked a drunk Severus.

"Go bed" Was all he said when he saw her on the couch as he walked to the drinks cabinet.

"I want to ask you something first." Hermione spoke her voice giving away nothing.

"Really?" Severus slurred raising his full glass in a monk salute before drinking it empty in one go. It was show time.

"Why are you drinking so much?" Her voice sounded unsure. Was this the right way to get her answers?

"It helps me forget the man I am." He seemed shocked that he answered, it only lasted a second before he figured it down to the drink.

"What man is that?"

"My father." He sighed.

Hermione was taken back from his answer, was this the root to all his demons? "Why don't you sleep in the same bed as me any more?"

"B'cus I'm my father."

"Is that why you wont make love to me?"

"No." He swayed on the spot, the alcohol getting the best of him.

"Then why?" Hermione felt her chest tighten. Did she really want to know the truth?

"I wont answer you!" His voice raised abit but Hermione pressed on.

"Why Severus?"

"NO!" He shouted wrapping his arms around his head. Was he fighting the serum?

"Answer me!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed before collapsing on the couch, arms still round his head.

"Severus?" Hermione asked quietly. Severus was saying anything but his chest was heaving slightly.

"I cant-" It come out in a sob.

"Cant what?" Hermione couldn't believe what she was doing, here he was crying and she was still asking questions. She wanted to stop but she needed to know.

"I cant love you." Severus moaned.

"Why not?" She was so close to finding out the truth.

"B'cus my dad, I don't want to be like him. Help me!" Severus reached his arms out to Hermione and she moved to his side.

"You will never be like your dad, Severus. Nothing like him, do you hear me?" Hermione asked as she took his hands in hers. He lay with his eyes shut, tears falling from them, sorrow and desperation etched on his face.

"Yeah," He answered, his sobs quieting now.

"Do you want to come to bed?" Hermione asked rubbing circles softly on his hands. What had she caused to happen? What had gone wrong?

"Yeah." Severus answered sounding like a small boy who had just fallen and hurt his knee. Guilt ate at Hermione.

She helped him up and lead him to his own bedroom, she would move to her old room, after all it was Severus' room, why should he sleep somewhere else? It was hard to support his frame wither pregnant body but she managed. He slumped on his side of the bed and said nothing as she helped remove his shoes and his heavy robe, leaving in his trousers and shirt.

"Goodnight Severus." Hermione spoke as she went to leave.

"Stay." His voice was harsh from crying and it reminded her of a time she had asked him to stay with her. She understood how it felt to need some comfort, some one to fight the nightmares away. Make you feel as if your not alone. She said nothing as she climbed in next to him.

He gathered her close and breathed in the smell of her hair. He clutched to her like one would to their teddybear after they had a nightmare. "Night Mione."

She didn't answer him back but laid there wishing she had never given him the serum. What would the morning bring?

* * *

Severus woke to find he had a mouthful of hair that wasn't his. Opening his eyes the room spun but he could make out the form of Hermione sleeping next to him. What had happened last night? "Hermione?"

"Hmm" Her voice was laced with sleep and made Severus heart ache. She sounded beautiful even when she was half awake.

He didn't want to spoil the moment by wakening her more but he needed to know. "Why am I here?"

"Don't you remember?" Her voice had lost the heaviness that come with sleep and even had a slight edginess in it. It made him wonder even more what had happen.

"No." He felt stupid by admitting he didn't remember. How much did he drink? Did he do anything to Hermione?

"You come back drunk again." Hermione said as if it explained every thing. At his silence, she turned to face him. He had forgotten what she looked like in the morning, it made his chest tighten. "You told me some things."

"Like what?" Severus was scared by what she had said. What did he say?

"Why are you scared of being like your father?" Hermione questioned.

Severus felt his heart stop and he pulled the covers off him, happy to find he was still dress, and went to get out of the bed. He needed to get away from her. What had he said? Why had he said it? Why couldn't he remember?

"Don't run away again Severus, talk to me." Hermione spoke holding on to his wrist. She knew what he was doing. She knew he was going to run again.

"Why should I talk to you?" He asked as he settled back in the bed and Hermione looked away from him, a sign of guilt? What had she done to him? "What have you done?"

"I put Veritaserum in your drink last night and asked you why your drinking. I tried to speak to you before but you never stopped round me long enough to answer me. I had to know Severus." She spoke fast and rushed through it. She had drugged him?

She had drugged him! Severus felt his rage boiling and his face sneered down at he now frighten woman. "HOW DARE YOU! IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"It was! I needed to know!" She tired to explain, repeating what she had already said.

"WHY?" It was a simple question that Severus shouted but the answer had so many consequences he was afraid of the it.

"It doesn't matter." Her voice was quiet and she tried to hide in the covers from him.

"Why? Hermione? Why did you feel the need to drug me to get the answers you just 'needed to know'?" He sneered this time, the shouting had past, and his throat was still raw from last night.

"Because some way through this charade I thought you liked me Severus! I thought you cared for me like I care for you!" Hermione cried. "I needed to know if you loved me!"

"Well I don't so you can get over that stupid school-girl crush." Severus was struck by what she had said. Did that mean she loved him? She couldn't though, nobody could. He wasn't the type of man that people loved.

"I'm not a school girl! I'm a fully grown woman Severus! Why cant you see that!"

"I see it every day, even in my dreams. Its not a very hard thing to over look. You haunt me, like a siren. Tempting me to a life I know I cant have, what I don't deserve." If she wanted to know how much of a hopeless case he was, he would tell her every thing she 'needed to know'.

"You do deserve it. You've done so much for us, all of us. None of us would be where we was if it wasn't for you."

"So its pity? I don't want your pity. I am a type of man who needs to be locked away. I killed my own father when I was 13. He was the first one but he wasn't the last. They have been many more and even a few that I raped before."

"Severus-' Hermione cried out before he cut her off.

"No, I am damned. Nothing can save me." Severus sighed before finally moving off the bed. "Hermione, find a man who's better then me. Who wont treat you like dirt. Save your love for some one else and let them worship you. For I cant."

"Cant or wont?" Hermione asked.

"Both."

"Where does this leave us?" Her voice was thick from emotion. Guilt overwhelmed Severus and he needed to get away from her.

"Where we were before it turned it to such a mess. Square one." Severus sadly shook his head and left Hermione to shed the tears she had been hiding from him.

These things needed to be said, the air needed to clean.

Both of them 'needed to know'.

* * *

**Hey guys you can still vote on the names for teh baby! either Alexander or Alastiar!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! Dont forget i respond to all reviews by email!**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"Have you got much ready for the arrival Hermione?" Poppy asked as she finished checking Hermione over.

"Nothing yet, there isn't even a crib for him to sleep in." Hermione sighed. The baby was due on the 1st October and it was now the start of her seventh month, Hermione had a sickening feeling that Severus didn't have a clue on how to look after a new born.

Things had been different from that fatal night. Hermione was back in her own room and Severus had cut down on his drinking. They spoke to each other politely and only spent the evenings together where they would sit in the living room and read. They never spoke to each other unless something had to be said or asked. It was a world totally different from the one she known, where she could openly mock him and have him laugh with her. It was hard to go by each day like this, never touching him, never laughing with him. But it was better than having nothing at all.

"Well you better get cracking to it! Don't want you to go into labour before your due just because you all worked up about a few bits and bobs!" Poppy warned.

* * *

"Salt?" Severus asked as he waved the shaker lightly towards Hermione. It was half way through July, and as the summer's heat turned the castle to what Hermione considered as an oven, the damp walls of the dungeons became a blessing. Walking was now nearly impossible without Hermione feeling out of breath and her ankles swelling to the size of a balloon's. Severus still hadn't created a space for the child and Hermione still hadn't asked him about his plans for the child.

Yes, she knew the child was to help save Albus but what happened to the child afterwards? Did he survive? Is that why Severus didn't seem to care about buying baby clothes? These questions played on her mind most days, the only thing that stopped her from asking them was fear. She didn't want to know the answers just incase it wasn't the ones she wanted. "No thanks."

They resumed their meal in silence; just the clinking of cutlery on china could be heard. Hermione felt depressed, if this child was to face a certain death, would she not be offering him on a silver platter? Everyone died sooner or later there was no denying that, but where was the moral in bring a baby to this world just so it could die? Some would argue the meaning of life was to die but what if the meaning was to live?

Hermione felt her stomach flip and knew she could not eat any more without bring it back up later. Making her excuses she claimed tiredness and went to her room. If Severus knew that her child would die then he truly was a monster.

* * *

Tears fell from her eyes as she stroked the frozen arm of her old Headmaster, her other hand on the swell of her stomach. Hermione loved Albus and owed him so much, but the world had moved on. Albus was missed and his life was recorded in many books. Did the world truly need him to come back? He was old and frail, at a push there might forty years left in him, but he had lived over 120 already. Didn't her child deserve to live more? She knew when he was born he wouldn't be her child but while he was still in her womb he was every bit apart of her, and she needed to protected him. "Die before he is born Albus, then I won't have to do it."

Her voice was a quite whisper that drifted through the air for only one to hear, yet it was two pairs of ears that picked it up, the ones of an old frozen man and those of a troubled man.

* * *

Severus had been watching her through the weeks; she had started to withdraw into herself with each passing day. When he had heard what Hermione had said to Albus, Severus had begun to worry. What was she hiding from him?

Severus paced the living room, she was visiting Poppy for her check-up, and she was now in her eightieth month, in less than 2 months his son would be born. If she was to be in a good physical and mental health when he was born, Severus needed to bring Hermione out of her thoughts and back to reality.

Sighing, he sat himself on the couch. He felt nervous. He was going to question her when she got back and he wasn't looking forward to it.

It was some 20 minutes later when Hermione finally walked through the door. She was huffing and smiling at him as she waddled over to the couch to sit. "Poppy says everything is fine. My blood pressure was a bit high but nothing to be overly concerned about but I have to rest for the rest of the week, not that I do much anyway."

"Hermione…" Severus started "is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

"No, why?" Hermione asked as she rearranged herself on the couch so she could rest her feet.

He didn't know how to word it. He couldn't just turn around a just say that she's be acting like a psychopath for the last couple of weeks. He never was good with words. Clearing his throat he hoped his voice didn't give him away. "I've noticed that you…erm…that is to say that you've not been acting like…yourself."

"Have I? Must be hormones." Hermione answered quickly. Her rushed tone made Severus sure that she was hiding something.

"It isn't your hormones, Hermione. I want to know what is causing your current state, and unlike yourself I will ask before using different methods to get the answers but I will get them." His words were harsh but his tone was still calm.

"I did ask-"

"I'm just worried for you." As soon as the words left his mouth he saw her face drop, it would seem he had hit a nerve. If he could keep on pushing her buttons she would break down and tell him everything. "I don't want you to harm yourself."

"Harm myself? You're the one who- it doesn't matter, I'm tired, and I'm going to lie down for abit." Hermione huffed struggling to her feet.

"No, you are not going anywhere until you tell me. What have I done?" He had caught hold of her wrist and held it in a tight grip. Her eyes were wide with fear.

"There's nothing to say. Now let me go." Hermione muttered pulling her arm back but he still held on.

"Tell me, it's not good for you to hold this in, it's not good for the baby."

"For the baby?" She laughed. "You're just going to kill him anyway!"

"What?" Severus froze. She thought he would kill the baby? Was this why she was so depressed. "I'm not going to kill him! Why would you think that?"

"You haven't got anything ready for when he is born and Albus needs a life-force to live, I just thought…"

Severus chuckled and pulled Hermione to him in a hug. It was the most he had touched her for ages but his heart had cried out for the contacted and he had been caught up in the moment. All this time she had thought that the baby would die. All she needed to do was ask. Even in her dunce moment she was still beautiful to him.

The feel of her stomach squashed against him pulled him back to reality and he quickly let go of her. The room felt very small and he needed to get away from her before he became undone again. "I...erm…"

"So you're not going to kill him?" Hermione was staring at the floor and her voice was small and hopefully.

"Of course not!" Severus answered.

"So how will he live? Where will he live?" Hermione looked up to him and Severus saw the tears that had spilled from her eyes.

"Come with me." Severus led her from the room and into his own room. The air fell heavy as he watch her eyes settle on the bed. Now was not the time to start remising and he pulled her attention back as he motioned to another door.

"That's new. Isn't it?" Hermione asked, and Severus saw her checks were flushed.

"Yes. Open it." Severus let her pass him and watched as she pulled the door open. A smile formed on his lips and he heard her let out a small gasp.

"It's a nursery!" Hermione cried moving into the room.

"I did it myself." Severus replied as she took in the blue scheme of the room. He felt his heart ache as he watch her pregnant form wonder around the room stroking the oak of the furniture. It was when her eyes became sad as she reached the crib did he think his heart would break.

What he would give to spend the rest of his life woman. If it meant selling his soul he would do it in a heartbeat.

"What's this?" Hermione asked reaching for a bear that rested on the mattress. She pulled the brown bear to her chest and hugged it before inspecting the jumper it was wearing. "Alex?"

"Its for the baby." Severus replied softly. "His name is going to be Alexander."

"Alexander Snape. It is a good name." Hermione sighed. "When did you do all this?"

"When you was pregnant the first time. The door was concealed until now."

"Its beautiful. Why Alexander?"

"It stands for Defender of mankind, warrior. It is what I hope him to become." Severus answered.

"How are they going to be linked together?" Hermione placed the bear back into the crib and moved to sit in the rocking chair.

"Through old magic. Their hearts will be set to beat at the same time. Half of the baby's aura will be shared with Albus, as half of Albus' will be shared with the baby. Letting them to live of each others force." Severus said. Of course that is what he had calculated to happen. It had only been done successfully once before, and that was by the creator of the spell, Merlin himself. If it failed, the baby would still live but his magic would be destroyed, as for Albus, he would die. "They will also share their magic. It would make Alexander a very strong wizard."

"Is that a bad thing?" Hermione asked.

"Only if Alexander grows up to be the next lord Voldemort. It would be a very grave thing indeed." Severus stated. It was one of the bad points about performing the spell and the reason behind the baby's name. "Come lets go back into the sitting room. Its getting late and I could do with a drink."

"One with alcohol?" Hermione quirked.

"I was thinking hot chocolate." Severus chucked.

"Its good to be like this again." Hermione said as she left the room.

"Like what?"

"Like Friends."

"Indeed it is." Severus answered, knowing that once the baby was born Hermione would never want to know him again, let alone be his friend.

* * *

**Just incase you want to know, Alexander won the vote with 83! Thanks for all the reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

hey guys remember i need a email address from ya, tis how i respond to reviews. i promise i wont spam ya!

* * *

**Chapter 15**

"I don't know what I despise more." Severus sneered as the nib of his fourth quill snapped. "The first week of school, or the week before the first week of school."

"Its not that bad is it?" Hermione asked as she passed him a new quill. Severus was completing the staff timetable. Since Albus' 'death', Severus had been acting as deputy headmaster. With that title he got the joy of doing all the work that Minerva McGonagall didn't want to do herself, such as, writing to all new students, dealing with parent's letters and organizing the time tables for each member of staff and student.

"From sitting crouched over these parchments for so long, I dare say I've developed a hunchback." Severus stretched his neck and sighed as he felt his bones popping back in to place.

"I hate it when you do that." Hermione cringed as the noise of his action filled the air. "I could rub your shoulders for you."

"At what price?" Severus asked, his eyebrow rising into a questioning motion.

"There isn't a price."

"There is always a price; you will hold it against me one day." Severus chuckled moving from the couch to sit on the floor before Hermione, so her fingers can work the magic he desired on his aching muscles. He didn't have to wait long before her fingers touch the bare skin of his neck.

The last few days had been hard on him. From dealing with Hermione during the summer, Severus got distracted from his work and had left it all until the last minute. It was the first time he had done it and from all the mess he had had to sort out, all the chasing and time wasting he had done, he was quite sure that when he vowed never to do it again, he would keep to it. So in three days time he would have to welcome the beginning of a new month and the beginning of another school year.

Severus was beginning to hate the 1st of September.

"I could do it better with your shirt off." Hermione's voice brought him back from his thoughts and back to the pile of work in front of him.

"And here I thought you were here just for my money." Severus smirked. He was trying to change the subject, being half naked in front of her was not something he looked forward to. Well not any more.

"The money is just a bonus. Come on, I promise to keep my hands off you…well sort of." Hermione giggled, pulling at the collar of his shirt. "I got to watch my blood pressure anyway, can't let it get too high."

"Yes, you mustn't get all hot and bothered." Severus replied silky, he stilled her hand on his shoulder with his and he could fell her hand shaking softly. He knew he shouldn't be flirting with her, but she was to him like a drug was to an addict.

"Well I…" Hermione stumbled over her words and pulled her hand from underneath Severus' hand.

He didn't need to look at her to know that her cheeks were flushed and her breath was coming in a little bit faster. He was treading on a thin line and the conversation needed to be changed to a different subject before he was in too deep. "How is the baby doing?"

"He's doing fine. I-" Hermione stopped her self before she finished what she was saying. At the feel of her fingers working his muscles again he knew she wasn't going to volunteer in completing the sentence.

"What is it?" Severus asked.

"I- it doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea. Just forget it." Hermione mumbled pressing a little too hard on to his shoulders. At his flinch when she pressed harder on to a very sore muscle she sighed and continued. "I was thinking that maybe I could, when the baby is born, look after him while you were in lessons?"

"That won't be necessary." Severus replied, aware of the fact that the time when he would have to tell her the truth was coming closer.

"Oh, I see." Hermione sighed. It was clear she had set her heart on the idea.

Trying to easy of the rejection Severus said. "You will be teaching at the same time. So it won't be possible."

It wasn't a total lie; it was true that she would be teaching, just not in England and not with him.

"Of course. That makes sense. Who will be looking after him then?"

"I'm hiring a full time child minder." Severus replied, he hadn't planned on telling her this much.

"The rooms will be abit cramped then. Would you be turning the study into a temporary bedroom?" Hermione asked.

"That is the plan." It killed him to lie to her so but it wasn't time to tell her yet. Severus sighed and closed his eyes, when would be the right time to tell her?

* * *

The newspaper on the table read that it was the 18th of September. Tomorrow was Hermione's birthday, from the amount of letters she received this morning, Severus could tell that she would have a lot of cards arranged around his living room. It had now been over a year since Hermione first returned back to Hogwarts. He couldn't remember her having so many letters last year, if her remember she hardly had any. And as the 12th owl flew through his rooms he felt his anger rising.

"Why are there so many blasted birds?" Severus cried as he slammed his coffee mug down.

"Well I'm quite well known from the war and being Harry Potter's best friend, so I do normal get a lot of cards." Hermione answered taking the post of the owl. "The post office now sends the owls with bulk mail, instead of one owl for each letter sent. Saves owl power I guess."

"There wasn't this many last year!" Severus snapped, as his breakfast was officially ruined.

"That's because I was still having it delivered to Ron's house." Hermione answered matter-of-factly. "Didn't you wonder what was in the big box he sent me afterwards?"

"You don't need to be so smug about it." Severus sneered. As he left the room in a huff.

Hermione laughed and finished eating her toast. Her check-ups with Poppy were now every two weeks and at each one her blood pressure still was a bit too high. There was a potion she could take to lower it but the side-effects included that it many induced birth, or it would be reduced way too low. Which was something she didn't want, but at the moment it was still low enough not to cause any risk to her or the baby. If it went higher then she would seek Poppy but until then she was quite happy sitting on the couch reading her books.

* * *

"Harry, Ron and Ginny are popping over tomorrow to celebrate my birthday." Hermione said as Severus walked through the door. It was now the end of the school day and the evening was just beginning. Hermione was glad that he was back; she had been suffering from indigestion and a bad back since breakfast. An anti-acid potion and a hot bath was what she needed.

"I shall wear my Sunday best then." Severus answered, heading straight to the drinks cabinet.

"Bad day?" Hermione asked. As much as she didn't like Severus drinking she wasn't exactly the one who could tell him not too.

"12 batches ruined, 8 students setting themselves on fire, 6 mice set loose and 3 toads killed." Severus replied downing his drink in one. "You could describe it as bad day."

"Oh, you wouldn't have any anti-acids would you?" Hermione asked.

"No, why?" Severus replied.

"Indigestion." Hermione replied rubbing her chest as the burning sensation returned. "And some pain killers would help as well."

"You're in pain?" Severus asked, moving to her side. Hermione was touched by his concern.

"Just a little back pain, must of slept funny last night." Hermione replied trying to stand up. It was only when Severus offered his hand did she manage to right-en herself. "A bath will sort it out."

"I think you should see Poppy." Severus replied. When he tried to guild Hermione towards the door and saw that she struggled with walking, he soon picked her up off her feet and carried her in his bedroom and placed her on his bed. It was harder to navigate around the room with the extra weight of Hermione and baby.

"What—" Hermione tried to question but Severus left the room before she could finish.

When he returned it was with a flustered Poppy. Who soon hurried to Hermione and waved her wand about her stomach. "Oh dear." Was all Hermione heard her mutter before she and Severus left the room again.

Confused and frustrated Hermione tried to get off the bed to demand some answers from them. She had only managed to get her leg off the bed when Severus came back in looking worried. With such a strong emotion being played on his face, when he normally kept his face impassive, Hermione began to panic. "What is it?"

"Your blood pressure has rocketed and the baby's heart beat isn't as strong as it should be." Severus answered solemnly.

"What's going to happen? I'm not due until another two weeks!" Hermione cried.

"Poppy's going to give you an herbal remedy to try and lower your blood pressure and hopefully the baby's heart beat will go back to normal. If not the baby will have to be born now." Severus answered walking to Hermione's side to soothe her.

"I'm not ready, I can't have him now. It's not time." Panic stricken Hermione reached out to hold on to Severus robes.

"You need to calm down! You will only make it worst if you carry on in this silly manner. Every thing will be ok. You will be ok, Hermione." Severus assured trying to convince himself more than her. "Poppy knows what she is doing."

"I hope so."

"Right then Hermione, here we are." Poppy said as she walked into the room, she stopped mid-step as she looked from the distressed Hermione to the frowning Severus. "I told you to keep her calm, Severus, really now."

"I am!" He claimed.

"Here Hermione, swallow this." Poppy handed her a small tablet and a glass of water. "There's a little bit of calming draught in the water, yes that's it, drink it all."

Hermione did as she told and fell back on to the pillows as she felt the draught working. She felt weird, she knew that the baby and her self was in danger but she wasn't worried about it anymore.

"You too Severus, drink up." Poppy said handing him a glass too.

"I'm fine." Severus sneered but drank it anyway.

"Now, it will take a few seconds for it to get into you system. Let's have a look see." Poppy forced a smile as she casting her wand upon Hermione once again. "That's better, his heart beat has gotten stronger, but you blood pressure still is abit high. It is just a game of wait and see now. I'll make us all some tea."

"Is that it? 'I'll make a cup of tea and everything will be fine'? Can you not do anything else?" Severus asked, unsure of the whole situation.

"I have done what I can. If her blood pressure rises again then I will have no other chose but to induce her." Poppy sighed and then left the room to go to the kitchen.

"Severus!" Hermione pleaded from her place on the bed. "I can't have the baby tonight."

"You won't. It will be ok. Just relax." Severus answered and sat on the bed beside her.

Poppy and Severus were sat on the edge of their seat for the three hours that passed with Hermione's blood pressure not changing since taking the herbal remedy. It was near to 10pm when Poppy scanned Hermione again. "Its risen again I'm afraid. If it keeps on rising, I will have to induce you."

"Great." Hermione replied sarcastically as she rubbed her face with her hands.

"Now there, it still might go down." Poppy said reassuringly patting her hand. They stayed like that for the next 20 minutes, Poppy would try to reassure Hermione, as Hermione would worry about having the baby and Severus sat in the corner of the room silently, deep in thought. After Hermione's blood pressure had risen for the third time Poppy announced she had no other option but to induce her now.

This is when Severus finally spoke up. "I need to make a floo call."

"What?" Hermione called after his retreating figure. Giving up she turned to Poppy and cried. "I'm about to have his child and he's nipped off to make a quick social call?"

"Come now, there is still the labour to go before the baby is born and that will take awhile." Poppy smiled. "He won't miss it. Now let's get you on track."

What Poppy did next was one of the most mortifying and embarrassing moments of Hermione's life. She just hoped that Severus didn't return in time to see Poppy's wand (sterilized she hoped) prodding around in places they shouldn't. "Do you have to use your wand?"

"It's not a proper wand. It's a disposable anti-natal wand." Poppy said as she poked abit more. "See now, they have magic in them that can only be used on pregnant witches. And with a quick spell your water's will brake."

"What spell?"

"Aqua-dummetum" Poppy replied and Hermione felt a gush of wetness. "See look, just like that."

"Now how long will it take?" Hermione asked.

* * *

Severus had returned back to the room at 12am, an hour after Hermione had been induced. When he had walked in Hermione had been half way through a contraction. Poppy had spoke about them being less than two minutes away now, and that it had been quick so far. If an hour of grunting was quick, Severus hated to see what it would be like if it was long.

He had left to contact Professor Fitzwilliam to change the arrangements. Seeing Hermione now with the glow of motherhood around her, his heart sank. It was the best decision. It was what was needed to be done. With the baby being earlier and it still being the beginning of school term, there was no need to wait until Christmas for Hermione to leave. She could catch up on the work missed. She would be gone at the end of the week. She would be out of his life in four days.

Watching as Hermione pushed his son into the world, Severus knew he should be proud and happy. Albus was saved. He had a son. But at what cost? With the cries of his son filling the room Severus pulled himself out of his thoughts and regarded the bundle that was now wrapped up in a blanket in Hermione's arms.

Poppy quickly checked both mother and son before clearing up and leaving the new family to spend some quality time together.

"Some birthday present." Hermione said as she smoothed the black hair on the baby's head. Damn, he had forgot that it was now offically her birthday, that meant Potter and co would be arriving today too.

"Indeed." Severus answered peering at the content baby, Alex was lucky, he didn't have Severus' nose. Apart from his nose, everything else was a Snape trait, well almost everything; Severus couldn't see his eyes as they were closed.

"Take him." Hermione said holding the infant out to him. "He is yours."

"Mine." Severus voice broke as he spoke. His chest felt constricted and he couldn't help the smile from forming as he held his son for the first time. He wouldn't make the same mistakes his parents made. He would be a great dad. Finally he had something in this life that he couldn't taint. "Thank you."

The cry of his son, brought Severus' attention back down to Alex. It was now that he could see his eyes. He felt his heart rip when he looked into the eyes that was the spit of the infants mothers. Her eyes would haunt him forever.

* * *

**Hey guys and that was chapter 15, did you enjoy? please review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**I know i havent email you guysyet, but its like 3am and im tired, i'll do it first thing tomorrow. Being tired now isnt a good sign, ive appiled for a night job...what will i be like at 5am?**

**so here it is...Hermione finds out the truth...**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

"He looks so peaceful, I'm glad he's a contempt baby." Hermione smiled as she stroked the black hair out of Alexander's face. It was hard for her to think that just 2 days ago he was still cocooned inside her. "When will you hire a child minder?"

"About that, I've already hired one." Severus replied knowing that the time had come for him to spill the beans. He would tell her but not in front of the child she had helped to create, it would be hard enough to tell her but to have Alexander looking at him with _those_ eyes was too much. "She's coming tomorrow, lets go into the dinning room to speak about it some more."

Hermione followed him through to the sitting room. It was when Severus sat in the arm chair instead of next to her on the couch, did the penny drop. He was planning something other than child care. Why else would he not talk to her about it? Why else would he deny her to looking after Alex? She felt her heart beat hard against her chest as the story fell from his lips. She was going to Spain? Fitzwilliam? He was talking Alex away from her. He was taking her baby. Had he planned this from the beginning? Did he and that Fitz'z guy sit around and decide her future without her?

"-one of the top best. You will be happy there. Of course I will pay for the whole thing, it's the least I could do and you will get the thousand." His voice had changed from the sultry one she had cherished, his sentences now felt like a knife, each word pushing it further in to her chest, piecing her heart, killing her.

She didn't speak, his voice surrounding her in a thick blanket of confusion and to her surprise, rejection. Why was he doing this? Her head felt full from all the questions she needed to get out of the room, why did feel like it was getting smaller. She didn't want to hear what he had to say, if she couldn't hear it then it couldn't be real. Could it?

She got up from he couch, her movements quicker then her pregnant form but still held back from her birth recovering body. She stumbled through the portrait barely aware that Severus was behind her, calling out for her to stop, but yet he did not run to catch her. He could have caught up with her easily. She had only given birth to his son two days ago.

She ran into the concerned arms of Poppy. Her questions of what was the matter fell unanswered as Hermione finally allowed the tears to fall. She had loved him, with all her heart but as each tear fell her heart became empty, her body became numb. She could not love him for doing this but yet deep inside she knew she would never stop.

* * *

"Where is she?" Severus asked when Poppy had exited the infirmary to see him slummed on the floor against the wall. She looked down at him and he wanted to hide from the disgust he could see in her eyes.

"She's gone."

It was all she said before walking away from him.

Severus closed his eyes and let out a sob, it was all for the best. She wouldn't be happy with him. He didn't love her. He repeated this to himself for the hours that he spent leaning against the wall seeking some warmth. When McGonagall had helped him back to his rooms, Severus still didn't believe the words he tried to convince him self.

It wasn't for the best.

He needed her.

He loved her.

But what was done was done. She could never love a demon like him.

* * *

Her throat was sore, her eyes puffy and her head felt like it was full of cotton wool. Hermione leant against the plump form of Molly Weasley. Poppy had helped her through the floo to the Burrow after Hermione had explained what had happened. Molly had cried out in outrage after Poppy retold the story.

Hermione had been in the comforting hold of Ron as the two women cursed about the potions master. He had leant down and whispered. "Its ok, Mione. At least you only carried the brat and it's not half yours."

"Yeah Ron." Hermione had mumbled fighting the new on come of tears.

Now it was only Molly and herself in the old room of Ginny's, and Hermione let the wise witch lure her to sleep. She knew in the morning she would have to go back to Hogwarts to collect her belongings. She had asked Poppy to go to the rooms and pack her stuff so she only had to collect it from her. She would have asked her to floo them to the Burrow but Hermione felt the need to go herself. She didn't want to run away.

* * *

She had wakened early the next morning and as she watched the dawn of the sun, she mulled over the turmoil in her mind. She needed to get all of it of her chest, air the sheets; do whatever was needed to stop this hurt. Borrowing a quill from Ginny's stash she set to writing a letter.

_Dear Professor Snape._

_I won't be going to Spain, nor do I want your money. You can keep it all and rip up the contract while you're at it. What you have done is unforgivable. You took my trust and used it as toilet paper. I never want to see or hear from you again. To think at one point I fancied the notion of creating a family with you. To think that I loved you, and still did until the point you tore my heart apart with your cruelty._

_How stupid was I to think that you could feel the same, yet alone have emotions all together!_

_I dreamt about giving you a life full of love and happiness. After all the sacrifices you had made, I thought you especially deserved it. You do truly deserve the happiness you so deeply desire. I had hoped I would have been the one to give, and share, this happiness with you._

_Three days ago I gave you the gift of fatherhood. Gave you the chance to prove yourself wrong about being like you father, you could never be like that cold, heartless man. You will be a great father, I only wish that you would find a woman to love and give Alexander the family he needs and ought to have._

_He needs a mother and you need to believe that you are finally forgiven for you past sins._

_But I can not forgive you, not now._

_Hermione Granger._

She folded the parchment up and placed it in an envelope. It was now close to 8am, the floo connection had been arranged to open at 9 for her to go back. She felt too ill for breakfast and settled for a shower instead. Once dressed and ready to go, see eyed the envelop sitting innocently on the desk. Should she give it him?

She shook her head no as she pulled open the door, stepping through it she stopped and turned back. She picked up the letter and placed it in her robes. She wouldn't see him, but she could ask Poppy to give it him.

Hermione felt as if he needed to know what he had lost out off. What damage he had caused. It was her small action of a come back but it still needed to be said.

Floo-ing into the infirmary Hermione was met with the cries of a new born. Her heart fell as she recognized the cries where from her baby. She stayed in the office and peeked through the window in the door to see who had her child.

A tall, slender woman with sleek blonde hair and piercing blue eyes was rocking Alex's in her hands muttering soothing words to him to no avail. Her robes were a light pink and made out of fine materiel, it was clear that she was from a high class, most likely pure-blood. She held herself in a grand posture as she walked around the ward.

It was clear she was the child minder.

Why was Alex here? Was he ill? He had been fine yesterday. Guilt hit her hard as she realized she had left with out saying goodbye to her child. How could she have done something like that? Yes, she was distressed and wanted to leave as quickly as possible but Alex was still her child and she needed to say good bye.

Taking a deep breath once she was sure Severus wasn't in the room, Hermione left the office and went over to Poppy and Alex.

"Hermione!" Poppy smiled taking her into a hug.

"What's wrong with Alexander?" Hermione asked as she pulled away.

"I don't know." The blonde woman answered. "He has cried since I picked him up this morning, I didn't want to get Professor Snape. So I came here instead."

"This is Christina Woodfall." Poppy said to Hermione before turning to Christina. "And this is Hermione Granger."

"Harry Potter's friend!" Christine smiled and stuck her head out for Hermione to shake had she not had to withdraw it to regain balance of Alex. "I've read all about you. I went to Beauxtons, I haven't got much of a French accent but that's because I was born in Leeds."

"Oh." Hermione answered not really listening as Alex was still crying and her concern was growing. "Can I hold him?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe you could get him to quiet down. How did you know his name was Alex?" Christina asked as she handed over the infant.

"I…urm...Poppy told me." Hermione lied. Having Alex in her arms was something she thought she would never get to do again. She rocked him slowly and brought her hand to his face to run her index finger down the length of his nose, she did this over and over again and soon Alex calm down and drifted to sleep.

Poppy and Christina was silent as they watched Hermione and the baby. Once he was a sleep Christina face broke into one of amazement and relief. "You're a natural, every thought of doing child care yourself?"

"No, more into potions myself. I was going to become a mistress but I don't know now." Hermione answered her voice soft as she watched her son sleep. She never wanted to put him down again.

"You should consider it." Christina said as she looked at the clock on the wall. "Oh Merlin, Professor Snape said he would be back to check on Alex before going to his lessons. I've only been here a few hours and already I've messed up. I really got to go."

"Of course." Hermione said as Christina held out her arms for Alex. It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do in her life, her mind was telling her to run away with Alex and her heart was beginning to agree. She thought back the tears as she finally let go of Alex. It would be the last time she would ever see him. Opening her robe, Hermione reached for the letter in her pocket. "Christina, could you do me a favor and pass this onto Professor Snape."

"Sure thing. Any thing for the saint who managed to settle down Alex."

"Oh and this." Hermione added unclasping the necklace from around her neck and handing it to Christina. It was best that she gave it back to him, it was expensive and she never would wear it again so it made no sense in keeping it.

* * *

Severus had had a bad day. Christina wasn't there when he returned back from breakfast and when she did finally turn up she had a letter for him and the necklace he had given Hermione for Christmas. As soon as she had said Hermione had given them to her while she was in the infirmary, Severus had raced up to the wards to find that she had already left. He left feeling miserable and wasn't able to read her letter until after the day had finished.

He finished her letter feeling more sorry for himself the ever before. She had loved him. He was such a fool, his one chance of happiness and he had blown it. It was too late now, Hermione had said so herself. She would never forgive him.

Feeling the gravity of his actions on his shoulders he went to Christina to help try to soothe Alex.

* * *

Hermione sighed as she finally sat down; she was now officially moved in to her new, small but comfy flat. She had had to sell the house. After a month of not leaving the house at all, she had finally decided to enroll to be a healer. With her savings nearly empty she had no other choice but to sell if she wanted to pay for her education. Now it was close to Christmas and she had not spoken to Severus at all.

She kept in touch with Poppy, who told her how Alex was doing. It was actually chatting to her one day that she realized she need to move on. Poppy had said Snape treats Christina a lot better than she had seen him treat any woman before, and even wondered if he was in love.

As much as it hurt her to let go of Alex, Hermione couldn't waste away waiting for life to get better. She needed to do it herself.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and Hermione assumed it was Danny on the other side, he was her Muggle next door neighbor, studding at the local university. He had helped her move in and Hermione had offered to cook dinner for him in thanks. Maybe she could move on with Danny? He seemed like a nice man. Not the type to try and send you to a different country just to get rid of you. Danny was safe and he was early too. Hermione spoke as she went and open the door. "I didn't expect you for another hour."

"I must say that is quite a surprise considering that most people had not expected me to return at all." The voice was not Danny's but the cheerful one of a dead man.

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**Review guys! please! What do you think of Christina? **


	17. Chapter 17

**DA DARRR! Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 17**

"Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione cried as she wrapped her arms around the old man. "It's so good to see you! Does this mean it worked? Is Alex ok?"

Albus grinned and nodded his head as he followed Hermione's motion to come in to the flat.

"I'm sorry its abit of a mess, I only moved in today." Hermione explained as she led Albus to the living room to sit down on the small scruffy couch she had. Yes her flat wasn't like the grand rooms Severus had but she would make do with her mix-matched furniture and lopsided table. "Tea?"

"Please." Albus answered. He waited until Hermione returned with two mugs of tea before speaking again. "How are things going?"

"Good, really good, I'm just about to start a Healers course, and in two years time I will be a fully qualified Healer. I had to sell my parents house but I couldn't see myself staying there the rest of my life, so it wasn't really much of a big loss." Hermione answered keeping the part where she spent most nights crying herself to sleep to herself. "What I really want to do is set up a free medical centre for the less fortunate."

"That's a good idea." Albus answered taking a sip of his drink. "How would you fund it though?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't be lying when I say that thousand I turn down would have come in handy." Hermione replied. If she had taken the money and used it on the centre, Hermione would have never truly been rid of Severus. As if he didn't haunt her dreams enough as it is. "That's enough about me, I'm not the one who's just be cured. Tell me, did every thing work out ok?"

"Oh yes, very much so indeed. Alex is showing signs of magic already, the link is quite strong. There have even been the odd time that I had the sudden urge to but my foot in my mouth and see what it tastes like." Albus smiled. "I dare say had it not been for my old bones I would have managed it."

Hermione chucked as she pictured Albus in the great hall suddenly falling to the ground to suck on his foot. "Every one must have been so surprised to find out you was still alive."

"Yes, Minerva was most displeased of me keeping it a secret for so long." Albus replied before adding. "She forgave me though after I explain that I couldn't do much been frozen and all. Only the staff know the really story and me being back. It wont be for another week that we let the rest of the world know."

"What will you tell them? The truth?" Hermione asked feeling a bit panicky, want if they fount out about Alex and some ex Death Eaters try to kill her son?

"No, no, dear. It would be too risky for both Alexander and I. A story had been fabricated that I was merely in another dimentshion all these years and had only just found my way back." Albus said drinking from his tea again. Hermione's cup was still on the table left forgotten by her. "Alex gets a bit upset now and again. He's frustrated, his body is that of a month old baby but his skill and power have risen to that of a teenager and will continue to grow for some time. I'm sure that when he has learnt to walk, it will be easier for him to deal with. Christina is doing wonderful with him."

"Is she? Last time I saw her she couldn't settle him down." Hermione spat out abit more harshly than she meant too.

"Alex knows she's not his mother, but he has come to accept her as a substitute of sorts until his real mother returns." Albus took Hermione's had in his. "This must be a trying time for you. It's a shame that at such a young age you have already faced death, war and your child denied from you."

"I..Er…" Hermione choked up. When he put it like that, she had been through an awful lot. It was no wonder why she cried out for her mum at night. She didn't want to cry, she couldn't, not in front of Albus. "How do Christina and Sev-Proffessor Snape get along?"

"Like a house on fire, I do not doubt that the wedding will be something great." Albus answered unaware of the look of shock on Hermione's face. He was getting married so soon? "She brings out the best in him. I dare say he's even changed. Even though he hasn't fully recovered yet."

"Recovered?"

"Didn't Poppy tell you? She told me that you were writing to each other, I just assumed that, no? Oh well." Albus sat back and looked as if he was trying to remember something important. "It isn't anything serious, during the spell something had gone wrong, cant really remember what he told me about it. Oh, now I've got it. Yes, Alex started to fit from the intensity of it all, so Severus cased the spell on him self so the rest of the bond could be made with him. He saved Alex and put his own life in danger, the spell wasn't meant to be a three way link and it rejected him, nearly exploded his head all over the place if it wasn't for Christina."

"Christina?"

"Yes, she was there to watch over it all and when she saw Severus collapse she ended the spell before too much damage was done. So the bond is still incomplete but this way Alex and I aren't bonded by heart. Our magic and aura is shared but our hearts will remain our own." Albus smiled patting his chest where his heart was.

"Is he ok?"

"Yes Alex is fine. No lasting damage."

"No, I meant Severus."

"Severus?"

"Yes, Severus."

"Well he was out cold for a few days, lost in his own mind. At one point it was unlikely he would make a full recovery, but now everything is fine and he is back to tormenting his students." Albus sighed putting his empty cup down and standing up. "I have taken enough of your time up already, if I was not mistake you are expecting someone else."

Hermione was still abit taken back by the whole conversation and dumbly nodded at the Professor and showed him the door.

"There is only one thing Severus has yet to over come, and that are the nightmares he has been left with. Christina tells me how he is screaming most nights or not sleeping at all. The only thing that he says clearly in these dreams is 'Hermione'. I hope you come for Christmas, it would be nice to have some faces I recognize from the student body." Albus smiled and apparated before Hermione could give him his answer.

Hermione was happy that Albus was back on his feet but how she wished he wouldn't meddle in her life. How was she meant to sleep now knowing that Severus dreamt about her? How was she going to convince herself that going back to Hogwarts is a bad idea without feeling guilty? Resigning to the fact that Albus was up to his old tricks Hermione made her way back to her couch.

Albus' whole visit had only confused her, why come and say all those things and then leave 5 seconds later? She hadn't even asked him any questions before he was making excuses and leaving. Was he sent here to check up on her? Did Severus send him to tell her that he is getting married? Was it away for him to reopen the wound Severus had made in her heart and rub salt in it. If they didn't mind she was quite happy sitting in her dingy flat, with her moldy furniture and feeling sorry for her self. She was doing a good enough job without Albus coming over to help.

Hermione had only just made it back to the couch when the door knocked again, this time it was Danny.

"Hi, I brought some wine for us to share." His voice was light and friendly as he stood outside the door. He was taller than Hermione, with shoulder length blonde hair. He was wearing a Hawaii shirt, plain t-shirt and combats, typical student clothes.

And as Hermione let him into her flat she finally decided to stop hoping that Severus would turn up, drop down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. She would live her life. Albus could come round when ever he wanted to rub it in. Severus could even invite her to his wedding for all she cared. Even though she will miss Alex, by contract he wasn't even her son anymore. She would just have to deal with it, as it seemed her current situation wouldn't be changing any time soon.

* * *

Hermione didn't go to Hogwarts for Christmas, instead she stayed at home and shared a small Christmas diner with Danny. She had sent Alex a book as a present. It was the same one her father had read to her when she was a child, it was about a mother and baby bear. The mother bear had bent over backwards to get her baby to sleep but it was only when he was in her arms did he finally fall to sleep. Yes, she wasn't allowed to play the part of mother in her son's life but she wasn't going to ignore him.

As Hermione looked in the mirror she saw the reflection of the clock, it was close to 10pm and Danny would be there in any minute. He had insisted that she come with him to celebrate the New Year, she had finally gave in and agree to go. As she finished getting ready she allowed her self to admit how much she was looking forward to it.

Danny arrived on time and Hermione was a surprised to see that he had forgone the surfer look tonight. He turned up in jeans and a black shirt tight enough for you to see that the gym was working out for him. "You ready Chicken?"

"Yeah, let me just put on my shoes and don't call me Chicken."

* * *

Hermione had never had so much fun in all her life. She had her arm around Danny who was helping her up the stairs back to her flat. Hermione was a little bit worse for wear, maybe trying to keep up with Danny's drinking was a bad idea. Her arm felt like lead as she raised it to poke him in the ribs to ask. "Why are you not drunk?"

"Because I can handle my drink Chicken." Danny replied laughing openly at her.

"Don't call me Chicken." Hermione slurred.

"But its your nickname, Chicken." Danny answered before sighing when they reached their floor. "Here we go, back home in one peace."

"Admit it, I'm a lot better than your other uni friends." Hermione said as she let go of Danny to rest against the wall, leaving it to him to open the door for her.

"I never said you weren't." Danny answered as he pushed the door open and followed Hermione in to the room, cringing as she hit her knee of the coffee table. That would leave a mark in the morning. "In fact, I like you a lot more than my other Friends, Chicken."

"Really?" Hermione asked as she stood in front of the couch. Danny walked up to her and placed his hands on her waist to steady her. Leaning forward to hug him Hermione mumbled in to his shoulder. "How much?"

"This much." Hermione felt him lift her head up to meet his eyes. The blue of his eyes stared into the brown of hers. Watching her, Danny lowered his mouth on to hers. The kiss was small and uncertain. It was only when Hermione began to respond did it deepen.

"I..Er…" Hermione said as they pulled apart. "I cant."

"Why not?" Danny asked his arms still wrapped around her.

"I love someone else." Hermione mumbled resting her head back down on his shoulders.

"Its not a girl is it?" Danny chucked. "Because I don't mind that."

"Don't play, you drunken fool." Hermione said slapping him lightly on the arm. "It's a man who I'm never going to see again and he's getting married."

"If you're never going to see him again and he's getting married, why hold on. It doesn't have to be serious." Danny whispered as he ran his hands over Hermione.

"We could stop it whenever right?" Hermione asked a she began to kiss his neck lightly. This was something entirely new for her, yes she had had boyfriends before and Snape wasn't her first. But as her tongue traced across his neck she felt good and wanted, but a very small part of her felt guilty.

"Whenever you want Chicken." Danny answered.

"Ok, just a little fun." Hermione answered pulling him down on to the couch with her. Severus had moved on with is life, had found him a woman to bring up their kid. As much as Albus said that Alex was waiting for his real mother to return, it seemed very unlikely that it would happen. "And don't call me Chicken." She repulsed as she licked and sucked on his neck, while pulling at his shirt.

* * *

"What about this one?" Christina asked as she pointed out the robe in the catalog to Severus.

"It's very…frilly. The wedding is ages away, you have loads of time to pick a dress." He answered as he feed Alex. He looked down at his son and smiled as he gurgled away. It had taken him a while to get use to his eyes, only now could he see them as his son's eyes and not that of a woman he had loved. "The one you've ordered will be fine Chris."

"That's only because it's got green trimmings." Chris huffed as she flicked her long hair over her shoulder. "I'm going to have a bath and then I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight." Severus said as he tilted his head to receive the peck that she always gave him before going to bed.

Once alone with his now 3months old baby Severus relaxed and freely interacted with Alex. He winded him and then reached for a book to read to him. It was the same book he had read to him every night since Alex had gotten it for Christmas. When Poppy had handed him the wrapped present he had thought it from her before he read the tag. His heart had raced when he found out it was from Hermione.

Alex could not understand what he was saying but whenever Severus read it, Alex would fall to sleep. He started to read the words he could now recite from memory. When Albus said he was going to see Hermione, Severus had waited with batted breath until he returned. It was a lot shorter trip then he had thought it would be. He had gone to Albus once he returned his mouth running with questions about her.

His heart ached for her as he was told about how she had sold her house and was now living in a cramped flat. She now wanted to be a healer, it was a good choice for her, after all during their time working together while she was a student she had patched him up night after night. She was a natural at it. She would be a great medical witch.

Like she would have been a great potions mistress had he not fucked that up.

It was his fault that she was now facing financial hardship. If she wanted to do a free-medical centre for the poor then he would help her realize that dream. He owed her that much, if not more and he will help her even if she didn't want it.

Alex was asleep when Severus finished the book. Standing up carefully with Alex, Severus went and put him in his coat. He could hear that Chris was still in the bath as he readied for bed himself, he closed his eyes and mentally wished that she wouldn't wake Alex when she went to bed. Settling in to his side of the bed Severus willed sleep on him, hoping that the dreams would leave him alone tonight.

* * *

**So Ablus is back and Hermione has semi-moved on. Looks like Severus has too. Now how long is this going to last before they cross paths again? Well, your just going to have to read and review to find out!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Them bones, these bones, theremy bones! After the story is finished im going to go through it all and corrected the mistakes. **

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Chapter 18 

"A muggle?" Severus asked rising an eyebrow at the ex-headmaster. The world had gone up in an up-roar when they found out Albus wasn't dead. The ministry had to remove the statue that they had in the lobby in his memory. They also refused to let him become headmaster again, which in fact was what Albus wanted. He didn't want to be the headmaster again; he was ready for his retirement.

"A student muggle. His studding Drama at the local university, just across the road where Hermione is doing her studies too." Albus replied unwrapping a lemon sherbet. "Haven't met him myself but Hermione speaks fondly of him. Lives next door too."

"And how long has this be going on for?" Severus asked trying not to sound interested but failing horribly. Hermione had a boyfriend.

"Just over a year now, his name is Danny Mitchell, comes from France." Albus nodded.

"And you're just telling me now?" Severus face went pale at the name, he had heard it before. He needed to speak to Christina as soon as he could. Hermione had been seeing him for a year? And it was only now that Albus think to tell him. Standing up from the chair, Severus spoke as he made his way to the door. "I've got to go Albus, Chris is expecting me. I have been longer than I originally planned. Good day."

Albus merely smiled and nodded his understanding as he watch the young man leave. His reaction to hearing the boys name was quite interesting. Drinking his tea Albus relaxed back in to the armchair that was in front of the fire. He now lived in his family home instead of Hogwarts. He was glad that Minerva took time from the school to come visit after all she is the woman he was going to spend the rest of his time with. He only hoped that Severus realized that Hermione was the woman for him before it was too late.

* * *

When Severus made it back to Hogwarts and to his room he was greeted with the sight of his son walking over to him. Alex had taken his first steps two months before his first birthday; he was now steady and running riot in his rooms. 

"Dada da darr!" Alex cried as he grabbed hold of Severus robes.

"Hello, there." Severus said as he knelt to pick Alex up. "Have you seen Chrisy?"

Alex answered by poking Severus in the face. "I'll take that for a no. Let's go find her."

She was on her knees in the study cleaning up all the books that Alex had pulled off. "You need to move these before they get damaged, or put a guard or something in front of them."

"Danny Mitchell." Was all that Severus said as he sat down at the desk, letting Alex run off towards the newly put away books.

Chris stopped and stared at him for a long time before speaking. "What?"

"He is now involved with Miss Granger." Severus replied, his voice cold with anger.

"But he lives in France. It can't be the same one." Chris answered moving over to take Severus hand in hers. She couldn't make out which one was shaking, hers or his. But it being against Severus nature to visually show his emotions she guessed it was hers. When she heard him go onto say he was from France she began to panic. "You need to stop him."

"And how am I going to do that!" Severus cried as he picked up the paper weight of the desk and threw it. It bounced of the floor still in tacked. Alex went over to it and tried to pick it up. "She won't see me, won't even listen to me! Am I just meant to walk up and say 'I ruined your life and your just starting to move on but I don't approve of him find someone else.'?"

"Of course not, she'll hex you to bits." Chris answered trying to soothe the man before her. "Go to him."

Severus looked at her for a few moments, mulling the idea around in his head. He knew were Hermione lived and Albus said he lived next door. He would go to him.

"I'll go now, watch Alex." Severus said and quickly walked out of the door. Once he had heard that she had moved, He had made it his business to know where it was to. He made his way out of Hogwarts and to the apparition border as fast as he could. Once out of bounds he popped out of Scotland to arrive in the west Midlands.

He found the tower of flats easily, it was a dirty building and inside smelt like a public toilet. He made his way up the stairs to the very top. Here there were two doors, one Hermione's and the others the man he had hoped never to see again. Knocking on the second he waited only a seconded before blasting it off its hinges.

He made his way through the small flat and in the bedroom he found him, with a woman that wasn't Hermione. He was cheating on her as well.

Danny looked confused as to who would be braking into his flat and as he finally cleared his eyes of sleep he was faced with his nightmare. "Snape? What do you want?"

* * *

Hermione stood outside the door waiting for Danny to answer. She hadn't seen him since Wednesday, it was now Friday and Hermione had just come back from the restaurant they were meant to meet at. She hadn't been worried about him not phoning her or popping in to see her, after all he was at uni and find time when they both had free time was hard but never had he stood her up before. 

She knocked a fifth time before she decided to use her wand. Opening the lock she pushed open the door to find the place empty of furniture, clothes and Danny. She found a letter addressed to her on the kitchen counter. Opening she read.

_Chicken,_

_Had to go back to France._

_Danny._

That was it? A six word sentence to explain why he had left? Was that all she meant to him? Hermione felt a tear roll down her cheek as she realized it had happened again. She had let a man in to her heart and he had trodden on it. She was destined to live a lonely life.

* * *

"Is it over?" Christina asked as Severus slumped on to the couch. She was reading Hermione's book to Alex. Alex himself was trying to copy the words she was saying. 

"Yes, he won't be back." Severus sighed rubbing his hand over his face. "He didn't know she was a witch. Saw her as a bit of fun. I knew it couldn't have been any more on his side. She has no wealth to tempt him."

"At least you stopped him before it was too late." Chris answered. "I'll go put Alex to bed. You can have tonight to yourself. I'll watch over him."

"Thanks Chris." Severus watched her leave with his son in her arms. Alex was content with her but both he and Severus knew it should be Hermione instead.

* * *

Hermione screamed with joy as she read over her results. She had passed at the top of the class and after two years of hard work was now a fully qualified Healer. Now all she had to do was to find enough money to start her own clinic. Maybe she could gamble the rest of her savings on the next Quidditch match? No, it was too risky. What she needed to do was to get people involved, get them to care about the less fortunate. In the muggle world there would be campaigns and charity events. 

Maybe she could adapt these methods to the wizardry world? They have enough balls and parties as it was, but what if she was to throw one to raise money for her idea?

It was a great idea but she hardly had enough money to keep her cupboards from going bare. How would she pay for a function like that? Plus she would have to advertise it, how much would it all come up too in total?

Lost in her thoughts it was only when someone shouted for her attention did she realize that she had totally forgot that Poppy's head was still in the fire, waiting for her reply. "Sorry Poppy. Its good news I got full marks!"

"That's excellent news! Now you can go on to fulfill you dream!" Poppy beamed at her.

"If only it was that simple! I haven't got enough money to do anything, I was thinking that I should do a charity ball to help raise money but I haven't even got enough to do that. I'm going to have to work for a long time before I can save up enough money." Hermione sighed.

"Why that's a brilliant idea, I know the perfect place that would do it all for free!" Poppy exclaimed, her head moving out of the fire but the flames were still green.

Worried about Poppy's sudden disappearance Hermione was tempted to put her own head through the flames. She had got down on her hands and knees and shuffled to the opening. "Poppy? Are you still there?"

She could here Poppy's voice talking to someone else. Maybe a student had come to see her? But how could that be? The school was now closed for the summer wasn't it? "Poppy?"

Hermione spoke again moving closer to the flames, she could feel them flicker across her face. It was really stupid for her to get so close to the flames, what if the connection closed and the flames turn back? Hermione was saved the effort of moving back herself as Poppy's head reappeared scaring her enough to jump clear of the flames. "Hermione? What were you doing?"

"I...Er…" Hermione answered feeling her face turning red.

"Never mind, its settled. Minerva thought it was a great idea and agreed to hold the ball here. She's already set the date and is working on the invites. The 3rd of August is ok isn't it? Good. Well you just make sure you have a presentation ready for then." Poppy smiled, she turned to look behind her and said something to who Hermione guessed was Minerva. Turned back to Hermione she spoke. "Have to go now dear, I'll see you in two weeks then, invite everyone you want too. This is going to be so much fun! Bye dear."

"I...er...bye?" Hermione replied dumbly. Poppy's head went and the flames turned back to their original colour. Two weeks? She only had two weeks to prepare and she had agreed to go back to Hogwarts. How could she have been so stupid? She had been so lost in what Poppy was saying she had just gone along with her. It wasn't that bad, didn't Poppy say that the wedding was around the 10th, they wasn't having it on school grounds so maybe Severus wouldn't be there? Even if he was she didn't have to invite him. She would be ok. She could survive.

* * *

Hermione had forgotten how mesmerizing the ceiling of the great hall was. She felt like spinning around under the glittering black canapé but fear of looking stupid and that she might rip her gown stopped her. She had felt guilty when she brought the dress, it had cost two months rent but she had feel in love with its silky deep blue fabric. She had promised her self that she would only try it on. It was a promise she broke in a heart beat as she saw how the of the shoulder dress looked on her. Since Danny left she had feel into a pit of misery and didn't both wither looks any more and as she twirled in front of the mirror is was the best she had felt in ages. 

So here she now stood in the hall of the place she had vowed never to go again, it would seem she wasn't too good at keeping promises at the moment. She helped place the decoration up and now the place was finally finished. The long tables had been moved and now in their place were 150 small tables around the sides of the hall leaving plenty of space in the middle for dancing.

There was still half an hour before the guests started arriving and Hermione sat down at the head table and sighed.

"That was a long sigh for someone who is about to be hostess of the first charity ball at Hogwarts." Albus stated as he took the empty seat next to her. He was wearing dress robes of a warm red that had moving pictures of dragons on them.

"It's nerves." Hermione smiled weakly. "Is all the staff going to be here?"

"Yes, well apart from Severus." Albus nodded as he looked over his spectacles at Hermione. "He left the other day. It has been a while since you last graced these halls my dear, why don't you use this rare moment of free time to go wonder the place? The dungeons have seen the most change since you left."

"I think I might just do that." Hermione answered. She pulled her self back up to her feet and straightened out the dress, maybe if it was still in a newish condition tomorrow she could return it. She really shouldn't have spent so much on it.

"That is a wonderful dress." Albus noted.

"Thank you. I won't be long." Hermione answered. As she walked towards the door she went passed Minerva who smiled as she made her way to Albus.

Once Hermione was clear of the room she turned to Albus. "Where is she going?"

"To see the new changes in the dungeons." Albus replied smiling brightly.

"New changes? All you have done is hanged a new painting." Minerva frowned at Albus. Maybe being frozen for such a long time had damaged his mind. It wasn't until she saw the bright twinkle in his eyes did the penny drop. "You're a cruel man. Would I be right to assume that you didn't tell her that Severus was still in the castle?"

"Is he?" Albus asked innocently.

* * *

The dungeons looked exactly the same. What was Albus talking about? The only thing that might be different was a painting but she couldn't be sure if it wasn't already there in the first place. Had Albus lied to her? Maybe his mind was decaying. She turned around and started her way back to the great hall. She had reached the steps when she heard some one behind her, thinking it was a house elf she turned back around. 

Therewas someoneat the bottom of the corridor but she could recognize whoit was even in the dim light. It was Severus. He seemed to recognize her as well as he had stopped moving. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and she knew she had to move before he regained movement before her and caught her up.

He wasn't meant to be here.

She shook her self into moving as she noticed that he had started coming towards her. As she made her way quickly up the stairs she heard him call her name. It was the first time she had seen him since he ruined her life. Since he took away her son. She didn't want to listen to what he had to say for him self, as far as she was concerned he had said enough for one life time.

She ran as quickly as she could but the size of the dress was slowing her down. It was another reason why she shouldn't have brought the dress, she couldn't move very fast without tripping over the hem and going arse over tits.

She heard his footsteps behind her and she knew she wouldn't make it to the great hall before he caught up. She stopped her running and panted as she waited for him to reach her. She would tell him to leave her alone and then make her way back to the hall.

"Hermione-" Severus said as he reached her side.

"Healer Granger, thank you." She cut in.

"What?" He answered looking confused.

"I'm a healer now, and that's how you should address me." Hermione said coldly.

Severus felt his blood boil as she spoke so disrespectfully to him. "You should mind your manners."

"I will do no such thing to the likes of you!" She spat out.

"You should be down on bended knee thanking me for saving you from that pratt Danny Mitchell." Severus retaliated, once the words were said he wished to take them back. He never intended to tell her about Danny, she had no idea how he had ruined so many peoples lives already.

"Is that why he left?" Hermione asked. At his nod of confirmation she pulled back her arm, clenched her fist and then brought it forward and upwards until it met his face. "You utter bastard. First you take my son away from me. Then you spit on my heart by marrying someone else and now you admitted to driving away the only good thing I had left in my life! Why? Are you that selfish? Thought being as I'm not good enough for you, you'll make sure no one else has me? Is that it?"

Severus felt his eye throbbing, she had just hit him! He staggered back from the impacted and leant against the wall as she ranted at him. He truly was a bastard but she didn't understand. He had to stop him. "You don't understand!"

"Fuck off Snape!" Hermione screamed as she made her way back towards the Great Hall leaving him there alone.

Severus watched as she made her way up the corridor. It would be useless to go after her now. Rubbing his eyes he turned and made his way back to his rooms. He wasn't going to the ball with a black eye. He would go rub some salve on it then return with Chrisy and Alex.

* * *

Hermione tried to make her smile realistic as she greeted the guests. She never expected so many people to turn up. Hopefully they all had big pockets. She just finished shaking the old hand of a wealthy wizard when Severus entered the room, he didn't bare any mark of where she hit him. She did though; her knuckles were red and sore. Why did he have to be so boney? He wasn't alone this time, he had the beautiful Christina on his arm and she was holding Alex. 

She was holding her son! She felt liking going over there and ripping him out of her grip. She should be the one holding him. Hermione had to hold in a sob as she watched Alex being put on the floor and him walking. She had missed his first steps; he was nearly two now so she wouldn't be surprised if she missed his first words. They joined the end of the queue of people who was waiting to greet the hostess.

She would have to be near him again. The five people in front of them seemed to move quickly to Hermione and it wasn't long before he was her next guest. Why had he had to come? She didn't bother smiling as they stood in front of her, but she couldn't help smirking a little when she saw the faint redness around his eye. It seems she did leave a mark, even if he had treated the bruising before it could show. She spoke with calmness that surprised her self. "Professor Snape."

"Miss-I mean, Healer Granger." He replied moving his head in greeting. Couls he had learnt his lesson. "This is Christina Snape."

"We've already met." Hermione said as she smiled politely to Christina. They had already married? She was now a Snape? It felt as if Snape had hit her in the stomach. Turning she addressedChris "Good evening."

"Hi." She smiled back. Hermione looked at the dress she was wearing, it was easily to see why Snape would go for her, she was tall and slender and her figure looked amazing in the green dress.

Hermione wanted to rip out her throat but settled for answering in a sweetly sickening voice. "I hope you both have a wonderful night."

And with that they moved on, Alex following in toe. He had changed so much since the 3day child she had last seen him as. He looked adorable in his dress robes, his black hair uncut and tied back at the base of his neck. She went to go after him but was stopped when she realized that there were people waiting for her to welcome them.

So she made up for the fact that she couldnt kill Christina on the spot by inventing different ways to kill her each time she meet a new person. A from the look at the size of the line she was glad she had an overactive imagination.

* * *

The night was long for Hermione and she was glad when the last guest left leaving only the teachers in the hall. Severus and Christina left early, before she made her presentation. She was relieved that she didn't have to stand up there knowing that they were in the crowd watching her. Most of the audience liked her idea and had said how they would like to donate to the cause. All donations were handed to either Albus or Minerva and it was only now that hey began counting how much they had risen.

"It was a success!" Minerva cried as she held up the countless Gringotts drafts in her hands. "35 thousand galleons and a few knuts!"

"That's £179,200 in muggle money." Hermione noted, it wasn't until her words sunk in did she click on to how much they had raised. Screaming she ran to Minerva to give her a hug. "That's amazing thank you all so much!"

"You owe us no thanks; it's all down to yourself that has made this possible." Albus chuckled as he hugged the young witch as she made her way round hugging every one."It is you dream."

"I have so much to do. I need to make a list of names who donated so I can send them a thank you letter." Hermione smiled as she ruffled through the pile of drafts. Hermione had forgave Albus for lying to her about Snape, without him this could have never happened, plus she got to twat Snapeone as well. In fact the pass two years of her life wouldnt have happened. Maybe forgiving him so soon was a bad idea.

"Yes, yes, but I dare say that could wait until tomorrow." Albus replied. "I'm sure Poppy will set you up for the night."

"Can't I go home?" Hermione asked as she stilled her movements. "I would rather go back to my own home rather than impose on you."

"Nonsense, dear." Poppy answered for both her and Albus. "It would give us time to catch up. Plus the floo is down now. Swap Healer tips."

"I will have to go first thing in the morning." Hermione said. She didn't want to stay in the same castle as Severus. She followed Poppy as she said good night to the rest of the staff and made her way to the infirmary.

Poppy's room was connected to the infirmary as students were known to come at all times of the day. Poppy had shown her to the spare room before saying goodnight and stumbling her way to her own room. It would seem that Poppy had drunk a bit too much but with the students not here for her to watch over, it must feel good to unwind.

Hermione carefully got undressed out of her gown. If she found a large enough building for her medic-centre that had another building on site she could live there and not have to pay rent. This meant she could keep the dress but she wasn't going to count her chickens before they had hatched.

With nothing to wear and not wanting to disturb Poppy as she could hear her snores from the spare room, Hermione transfigured her strapless bra in to a nightgown. It was shorter than what she had went for but with it being late at night she wasn't about to attempt to alter it. She had just settled into the covers when she heard someone knocking on the door.

She waited to see if they would go away or if Poppy would wake to answer but neither happen and Hermione grudgingly got up and went for the door. When she opened the door she was faced with one of the worse sights in her life.

Severus was there, worry and concern etched on his face. In his arms was a wheezing Alex. Severus seemed a little surprised to see Hermione instead of Poppy but that was quickly gone as he whispered. "Help."

Panic hit her as she led both father and so through to the infirmary. It was when Alex was placed on the bed and Severus looked at her hopelessly did the panic engulf her. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't handle it, she needed to wake Poppy. She couldn't help him. Her eyes began to water as she watched her son struggle for breath. She looked back up to Severus; her voice was thick as she spoke. "I can't."

"You need to save him Hermione. You're a Healer, you can do it! Save our son!" Severus cried out shaking her by the arms. "You've fixed me enough, you can do it."

Hermione was shaken out of her panic and finally regained control of her self. "What happened?"

"He's swallowed something. I tried all the spells I know but nothing worked. It's stuck in his throat." Severus answered looking lost as he watched Hermione perform several spells over their son. Nothing happened.

Hermione cried out as she ran out of options. Pulling at her hair she tried to think of any way that could save her child. Now she knew how her mum felt when Hermione started chocking on a toy she swallowed, if it wasn't for her dad hitting her on the back to get it back up, she would have died.

That was it!

She picked Alex up, he was like rag doll, and held him in the Heimlich position and brought her hands into him as hard as she could. She did it a few more times while Severus was shouting at her asking what she thought she was doing. It was on the 5th go that Alex brought back up the thing that was blocking his wind pipe. His cried of relief was a welcome noise to both mother and Father.

Holding him tight to her Hermione whispered words of comfort to him, as tears ran down her cheeks. He calmed down and Hermione passed him over to Severus, as much as she didn't want to let go she had to fetch a potion to heal Alex's throat. As she walked to the cupboard she trod on the object that nearly killed her son, it was an earring. And unless Severus started cross-dressing it belonged to Christina. Ripping out her throat was now longer enough for Hermione.

Giving Alex the potion, they both stayed silent as he drifted off to sleep. Once he was sound a sleep, Hermione gave the earring back. She walked away intending to go back to bed and said over her shoulder. "I think your wife might want that back."

"She's not my wife." Severus replied looking at the earring in his hand.

Hermione turned round to face Severus a frown on her face. "I thought there's a wedding?"

"There is, she's getting married. Not to me. She my niece, my brother's daughter." Severus answered placing Alex on the bed and pulling a sheet over him. He then stood up and walked over to Hermione. His eyes bore into hers and he continued speaking. "She's a muggle. Her whole family is dead; I'm the only one she has left. I'm paying for the wedding between her and her muggle partner."

"Oh." Hermione dumbly replied.

"Hermione." Severus said as he moved closer to her and took her in his arms. "I love you, I can't live without you. My dreams are haunted by you. My waking days are spent wishing to take it all back, hoping that one day you will forgive me."

"I…" Hermione looked into his eyes and got lost in the emotion he showed, she closed her eyes as he dipped his head towards her. She parted her lips as she felt his against hers. The kiss was bitter sweet full of what should have been and promises of more.

"Forgive me, I am a broken man." Severus mumbled against her lips as he pulled her close.

His new set of words seemed to have brought Hermione out of a trance as she broke the kiss. She stared into his eyes, she wanted to say yes. Wanted to put the pass behind her. Want him to love her. But she couldn't. He had done too much damage. She opened her mouth to speak, voice thick as she held back the sobs. "No. There is nothing left of me, the damage is too great. You took my son and then chased away Danny; I have nothing left, for you took my heart too."

She pulled out of his arms and he left them fall to his side. She would leave now and take his heart with her. She pushed open the doors but stopped before she went fully through them. She turned back to him, tears rolling down her face and said. "You will always have my heart but I can never forgive you. Take care."

* * *

**Stop! dont click back! why are you doing that for! You've forgot to leave a review! Leave one quick before its too late!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys, guess what i have a new kitten, his name is Jack!**

**Im sorry this update has taken so long, i tried to put of writing it for as long as posible because im enjoying wiritng it so much and i know that after this chapter there is only one more to go :(**

* * *

Chapter 19.

Hermione wiped the tears from her face and focused on writing thank you notes to all those who donated to her cause. He loved her. She needed to stop thinking about him it wouldn't do her any good but still the thought resurfaced time and again. He loved her.

It had now been one woe-filled week since she had gone back to Hogwarts and turned her back on both father and son. Turning down Severus had also sealed her fate on never knowing her son. Did she regret it?

She had asked herself this question so many times this past week. Did she regret it? Was it the right choice? But there was never a straight answer because she didn't know. If she had ran into his arms claiming she loved him and would forgive him, would her mind believe what her lips were saying? Could she sleep in the same bed as him night in and night out, have him touch her, knowing what he had done? It was hopeless. Yes, she would get to be with her son, that seemed to be the only plus side to that arrangement but she would never be happy. She would grow bitter towards both of them. So she knew deep down to that question that haunted her but she didn't want to acknowledge it, because the truth was that even though she lost her son and her heart, she didn't regret it. She could never regret it.

Sighing to herself she gave up battling with herself. What was done was done, as much as she thought about the past it wouldn't change it.

It was time to move on. Ha! Like that was likely! How many times in the past two years had she told her self to move on? And how many times did she not? Nevertheless it was time to start anew. The centre was the start of a new chapter in her life; she would not look back any more. She had worked hard this past week getting the derelict building ready for the grand opening next week. She had thought hard about where to set up the centre. London was the oblivious place, with Knockturn Alley and all, but they had St Mungo's. Even though it wasn't a free service it still offered cheap health care for the less-well-off.

Hogsmeade was her second choice, being the only fully wizard village and near the school. The second reason was also the main reason why she didn't want to go there; it was close to Hogwarts which meant it was close to Severus. It was the only reason why she was against going there so she had pushed her selfishness to the side and focused on what was best for the people she wanted to help. Being close to the school means she could offer private consultations for those who were too embarrassed to see Poppy. It was the best option for her, so she had contacted Minerva and Poppy and they both agreed on how perfect it was to the local community and for the school. It was Albus who suggested the building in which she now lived in. It had been a sore spot in the village for over 30 years; it was time to give it a proper use and a put to rest all the rumors of it being haunted. Hermione was still undecided on whether to change its name or leave it as the Shrieking Shack.

The Shrieking Shack; was now no longer shrieking or a shack. It was now fully restored to its once grandeur, even the passage to Hogwarts had been remodeled, gone was the small narrow dirty path, now there was stone wall's and floors. Torches now ran along the long corridor-like-passage and it was made wider and more breathable. The shacks walls still held the wisdom and memories of what they had seen, and it had even taken Hermione a while to get use to calling the place her home.

Once she had redecorated each room and burnt all the furniture the memories seemed to be less raw then what they were when she first opened the door. Albus had helped a lot with the adding of new rooms and was even kind enough to add a potions lab for her. The bottom half of the building was now the centre where the top half was her home. It had been a lot of hard work and long days but now the place was ready to open.

Hermione finished the last thank-you note and invitation to the opening next week and stood from the chair to stretch. They could wait until tomorrow to post, after all she would need to use the school owls to send them all. She had felt uneasy the first few times she had went to Hogwarts since her encounter with Severus but with the reassurance that he had left for the summer from all the remaining staff she felt more comfortable. He would be returning in just over a week, it was one of the reasons why she had rushed setting up the centre. He had donated a quarter of the money raised, which was also the most that any one donated. It would be rude of her not to invite him to the opening, so she had, but what could she do if he wasn't back for it? Yes it was the coward's way but had she not needed the money to pay for the new furniture and the potions equipment she would have refused his money in the first place.

Hermione moved to sit on the window seat; from here she could see Hogwarts. She would never forget the first time she set eyes on the magnification castle. Her, a first year muggle-born had only heard of magic in fairytales, but as she had stared up in amazement she vowed to learn everything there was to do with the magical world she was being allowed in. But now as she watched the sun set over the castle she knew there was nothing amazing or wonderful about the wizardry world, just heart ache and war.

* * *

Severus glared at the paper as if it personally had insulted him. How could he get Hermione to forgive him if she pulled stunts like this? It was a very big coincident that the party was set two days before he returned. He had counted on her Gryffindor sense of doing what was right to see her again but it would seem that she had learnt some Slytherin traits during her stay with him.

When she had rejected him it had hurt a lot more than Severus thought possible, he was so scared when he thought he would lose Alex, it made him realize how much he didn't want to lose Hermione as well. He made himself vulnerable to her as he begged her to forgive him and she had refused him. He couldn't really blame her for doing it. He could see why she was so angry with him; after all he did ruin her life. It was time to explain to her why he had chased Danny off. Explain that he did it for her only.

How was he meant to tell her this when she wouldn't speak to him? If he wrote her a letter, how could he be certain that she wouldn't burn it at first sight? He knew Poppy still spoke to her maybe he could get her to tell Hermione, but he didn't want poppy to know his family business. He would need to write a letter for Hermione and ask Poppy to get her to read it. He only hoped Hermione trusted Poppy enough to listen to what he had to say.

What did he have to lose anyway? He had already hurt Hermione as much as one person possible could. It was likely that the damage he had cause was too much for her to ever forgive him but still she needed to know. Picking up his quill he dipped it in to his ink and began writing the letter before he chickened out.

_Dear Hermione,_

_All through my life I had made some terrible mistakes but getting rid of Danny is not one of them. In fact I feel proud of my actions towards him. Before you screw up this letter let me explain why I feel my actions were the right ones._

_Five years ago, my Squib brother, his wife and their young son were killed by rogue Deatheater's. They were seeking revenge against me and used my family to do so. Fortunately for my niece she was away at university that kept her from the same death her family faced. However she was left without a home or family. It was my fault that they were killed, my fault that she was now alone. So I did the only thing I could, I took her in, paid for her education and for her wedding._

_I know that I could never right the wrong I had made against her family. It was my actions that got her family killed. Their deaths will follow me through the rest of my life._

_I guess you are wondering what this has with Danny but you must understand that Christina was now my reasonability, I had to look out for her, play the part that her father once did. She still lived in France and I agreed she could stay there until her education was over._

_It was near the end of her degree when she sent me letters of her being in love with an American man who was living in France at that time. I thought nothing of it until I paid her an unexpected visit._

_His name was Danny Mitchell. He had asked her to marry him and she had said yes. When I arrived Chrisy admitted that the wedding was in just a few short days. I wasn't concerned about his intention towards her; after all she was the expriminister's great granddaughter. I slipped him some Veritaserum and he soon explained how he was looking for a rich woman to pay of all his debts. It was also made clear that he was not faithful to Chrisy and had many other lovers._

_Upon hearing this, I must admit I got a bit angered and I become rather forceful with him._

_The day after he left France without saying goodbye to Chrisy and I was left to pick up the pieces._

_This happened just two years ago._

_This Danny caused my niece a great deal of pain. When I learnt that he was involved with you a year later, I could not just sit back and watch as he hurt another person who I cared deeply about. You said I was selfish and you were right, I acted in my own want of not wanting this man to touch you. I did not wait to see if his intentions were pure but it was on seeing him again that I discovered that they were far from that. I entered his flat and was met with the sight of him in bed with another woman. I know this must be hard for you to read and that you might not even believe what I am saying, but it is the truth._

_As for the matter of sending you away so soon and without your permission, I admit that it was purely a selfish reason for doing so. For I found that through your stay with me I had managed to fall in love. When ever I had felt these feelings before nothing good had come out as a result, I did not wish to see you hurt. In sending you away I saved you from myself. I only taint what I touch and I believed that you deserved so much better than an ex-deatheater and spy. It is now that I realize not only does Alex needed his real mother to love him; it is I who needs you twice as much. I hope with each day that somehow you might start to forgive all the wrongs I have done._

_A broken man_

_S.S_

Severus sighed as he waited for the ink to dry; it felt weird to see his feeling written down on paper. He folded up the now dry letter and sealed it with wax. He would now talk to Poppy through Floo and give her the letter. He only hoped that Hermione would read it.

* * *

Hermione sat and scrutinize the letter Poppy had just given her. It was from Severus.

"Read it dear, what have you got to lose?" Poppy's voice said from the fire.

"My right to be bitter." Hermione sighed. "I guess I should give him a chance."

"He has resigned from Hogwarts as well, early retirement. I'll let you read it in peace. I'll speak to you soon. Take care." Poppy smiled and then disappeared leaving the flames to return to the yellow they were meant to be.

Hermione moved from her kneeling position on the floor and went to her desk. She took her letter knife and broke the seal. Taking a deep breath she began to read what he had to say.

She reread the letter over and over and then spent several moments in shock. He had loved her all that time, that silly man thought he could taint her. He truly was a troubled man. She was in two minds about the whole Danny situation. Had he cheated on her? Either way it didn't truly matter because she knew Snape wouldn't lye about something as serous as that.

Did she forgive Severus for all that he had done? He seemed to regret it dearly but was he worth forgiving? Her mind was telling her not too but her heart was screaming at her to forgive him. She couldn't just forgive him from one single letter. The damage was still raw to her. Yes, a lot of her problems with him had been a misunderstanding.

Sighing in frustration Hermione wished that he had simple told her he loved her instead of pushing her away. Even though it would seem that Severus had learnt that he couldn't make things go away by putting distance between them. Hermione herself had learnt to grow up during the past two years, having a baby and not being able to play the part of his mother had been a true eye opener for her. She wasn't ready to experience the gift of being able to have a child for someone else. Books couldn't ready her for the emptiness she had felt. Perhaps they both needed time from each other to find themselves.

If she was totally honest with herself she would admit that she still loved Severus and that she had already forgiving him. But it was too late now; any chance of her and Severus being a family together was now destroyed. They couldn't create a family with their past could they?

Well could they?

It was worth thinking about it anymore. Yes, Severus had ended the letter asking her to forgive him and that he needed her, but she had said so many rude things to him. Insulted him so much. She couldn't go to him and hope he would just forget every thing she had said to him. And she couldn't just forget everything he had done.

They needed to start from the beginning.

Hermione got her quill and write her own letter for him.

_Dear Severus Snape._

_It has been brought to my attention that you have recently resigned from your teaching position at Hogwarts. With this I would like to offer you a job working in my centre as a potions brewer. The wage won't be as much as you are use to and there isn't a health plan, but if needed there is live-in accommodation available for you and your son._

_Please reply at earliest convenience._

_From_

_Healer Hermione Granger_

Smiling to herself Hermione sealed the letter and sent it off to the ex-potions teacher. Yes, it would be good to start from square one again.

* * *

To say that Severus was surprised to receive such a response from Hermione was an understatement; he could not help but laugh as he read her words. She was offering him a job, of all things. The live-in accommodation had thrown him though. Was it to be a reversal of the time they lived together? Her as his boss would never lose its amusement for him. He did not hesitate to accept the job and the live-in accommodation. It was weird, as simple and plane as the letter was it gave him hope as nothing had every done before.

* * *

Hermione smiled nervously as both father and son took in their new rooms. They had their own bedrooms, bathroom and even a small sitting area. These rooms were adjoined to her's and the main sitting room and kitchen was to be shared between them. She was surprised that he had agreed to work for her. "Is everything ok? I know it's a bit smaller to your old rooms."

"Every thing is fine Healer Granger." Severus replied as he turned to look at her, amusement playing in his eyes. She had expected there first meeting to be tense and awkward but the air seemed light between them even though there were the unspoken thoughts of the past between them.

"Don't call me Healer Granger." Hermione said meekly remembering when the time she had told him to do the opposite.

He raised an eyebrow at that and then smirked when he replied. "Would you prefer me to call you Boss?"

"That does have its perks, but I think I would like you to call me Hermione." She laughed softly.

"Hermione-" He spoke with a plea. "I-"

"I don't want to talk about the past Severus," Hermione spoke, her stomach doing summersaults. "I want us to start anew."

"Of course."

"Now what do you fancy for dinner?" Hermione asked. It would be hard to settle into life with both Severus and Alex living with her but it was want she wanted. This way she and Severus could start anew and she could also be with Alex.

* * *

"I've finished the Skele-Gro." Severus stated as Hermione was cleaning a homeless witch's wound. They had been working together for almost a month now and he was the happiest he had been in a long time. He and Hermione were back to how they use to be pre-Alex. Their friendship was strained at times and they didn't speak about the past at all. She had given him a seconded chance and he found him self falling even further in love with her. "Is that all?"

"Yes thank you, Alex is getting abit inpatient though for his dinner, his exploded three boxes of Scintillating solution." Hermione smiled as she closed the cut on the witch's leg.

"So that's why every thing is so shiny in here. I'll take him upstairs and get dinner ready. Will you be long?" Severus asked as he moved over to the play pen to get his three year-old son.

"No, just got to finish up in here and then lock up for the night." Hermione replied.

Severus left Hermione to it and focused on getting his temperamental son up the stairs.

* * *

Hermione squinting into the dark as she lay on her bed, she thought had heard something. She waited silently to see if she could hear it again. She bolted up when the noise happened. It sounded like a moan. Was it Alex? Getting up Hermione left her room and pressed her ear against the door that led to Severus' side of the apartment.

There it was again but it wasn't Alex. It was too deep for it to be, which meant it could only have been Severus. She debated on whether she should investigate or not. Her Gryffindor side won and she opened the door and went to his bedroom.

She could hardly see anything in his room but the light that escaped from the curtains cased a dim outline of the bed and its sole occupant. She could tell he was thrashing about caught up in the mist of a bad dream. Moans escaped his mouth.

Hermione was about to leave the room when a strangled word left his throat.

"Hermione!"

She shook her head in a silent no; he would survive this dream on his own. She would not go to his side like she had done before. It was too soon to be treading down that path again. She left the room and closed the door behind her. She knew she wouldn't sleep anytime soon so she sat in the sitting room on the couch and listened to his cries, praying for him to settle down soon.

* * *

**so what do you think? I'm abit iffy about this one, didnt really like the flow of it. I know i havent sent emails yet but that cos i normally do it after writing the next chap and well i have to go to the hospital because my mums hurts her back or sumit so i dont have time. But thanks for all the reviews!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys! Yes i am still alive! It wasnt meant to take this long for me to updatebut i started a new job innovember working nights in a nighclub so its messed me about abit sleep wise. Its hard to believe i started this story in april, i was still in school then! Its weird how much my life has changed through writingthis story, and now i have this to look back on to remember all the wonderfull and the sad stuff that has happened.**

**So here it is the last chapter. Enjoy**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

Hermione gave Alex a hug as she greeted him from his bed. It was his birthday today, which made it hers as well. She had missed his first one but there was no way she was about to miss his seconded. "Happy birthday little man."

She helped to untangle him from the bed sheets and carried him to the front room. Severus was already up and had insisted on making breakfast for them all. The armoa of sausages and bacon cooking greeted them when they entered the kitchen. Hermione sat Alex down at his own chair and moved over to the stove where Severus was. "Do you need any help?"

"I am a Potions Master, I don't need any help." Severus replied as he whisked the eggs with abit more force than necessary. "House-elfs are made for this sort of work you realize?"

"I am aware of what they are forced to do."

"The centre would be more hygienic if they cleaned."

"Potions work exactly the same."

"You could have a lie in on Sundays instead of getting up to do all the chores." Severus replied silky.

"Tempting but still cruel."

Severus poured the eggs on to the hot pan. His eyes gleamed and he smirked as the eggs cooked away. "Have it your way then…_Boss."_

Hermione chuckled at him calling her that, it had become sort of a pet name for her that he only used when he didn't get his own way. When breakfast was finally ready Hermione was met with a plate of burnt eggs, bacon, sausages and toast. "I thought you said you didn't need any help?"

"To think if you had a few House-elfs this would be a feast you would be tucking into." Severus said in reply a smirk playing at the corner of his lips as he began to eat his perfectly cooked breakfast.

"You did that on purpose!" Hermione accused as she reached over the table to swap plates.

"No you don't Miss Granger, you have your own which is still perfectly edible." Severus said as he pulled the plate out of her reach. "I spent ages preparing that meal for you. It's very rude of you not to eat it."

"I'm so sorry to offend you; by all means you can eat it instead!" Hermione mocked as she lifted a fork full of burnt eggs and hurled it at him. It landed on his well tailored black robe and slid down until it pooled in his lap, leaving a messy trail in its wake. Hermione burst out laughing at the look of disbelieve on his face. The laughed soon turned to a squeal as Severus threw his own eggs at her, landing in a mess in her hair.

Hermione huffed with indignity as she fingered the egg from her hair, she looked around the table for something to throw back and her eyes settled on a sausage but she was too slow and Severus quickly threw his own sausage which hit her in the face.

Hermione sputtered as she felt the grease spot on her check where the sausage had landed. She grabbed the first thing she could and ended up empting her glass of orange juice over the man sitting opposite her.

Alex laughed as he watched them fling all types of food at each other; he even threw some of his own to join in.

"I can not believe you just threw a sausage at me!" Hermione laughed as she moved from the table with a hand full of eggs. Severus got up to move away from her but found himself slipping on the juice that had went on the floor and quickly lost his balance and ended on the floor.

Hermione could barely hold herself up from laughing as she watched Severus fall down. She got over to him and rubbed the eggs into his hair. She was too busy laughing to notice the arm that was coming up to pull her down and she soon ended up falling on top of him. Both of them laughed as they tried to regain their composer. Hermione looked round the room and took in the mess. "This is your fault."

"I seem to remember it as you being the one who first threw the egg."

"That's beside the point!" Hermione cried as she moved so she wasn't laid all over him. She turned to look at him from over her shoulder and saw he was still flat on his back. His hair had bits of toast init and was wet from the juice. He had egg and grease smeared on his robes and his face was in an expression of pure joy. As she looked at him she was filled with the overwhelming urge to kiss him. She quickly rid herself of the thought and stood up. She took her wand from her pocket to distract herself. "I guess I better start cleaning this up."

"Happy Birthday Hermione." Severus said as he got up himself.

* * *

He had called her name again, Hermione noticed as she looked on at the man before her who was is in the middle of a nightmare. For the past three months his nightmares had happened every other night, and every time she hadn't gone to him yet. It was only a nightmare; he could survive it on his own. Her name was muttered again, Hermione found herself wondering if he did this on purpose. But how could one fake a nightmare as violent as the ones he was having? She knew it wasn't possible but it was nice to hide from the truth. And what was the truth exactly? If she was honest with herself she would admit that the truth was the fact that he needed her as much as she needed him.

So why didn't she go to him?

That was another question that haunted her. Why did she stand at his door and watch him suffer? Had she developed a sudden sadistic side? Of course she hadn't, she was just scared. Scared that is she went to him he would reject her. Yes, he says he loves her and needs her but would he say that afterwards? Legally Alex wasn't her son; Severus had the power to change this. Yet he didn't. Was he just feeling guilty for hurting her and wanted to make it up to her? As soon as she let him back into her heart would he spit on it again?

She didn't want to know the answers. Why? Because it was another thing that scared her, what if the answers were the ones she didn't want to hear. And somehow to Hermione, the answers to these questions will be given if she went to him. She didn't understand how she had linked the two together but it was how it was. She knew that if she stood by his door and watched him fight his demons that she would be safe. Safe was what she needed, she wasn't sure if she would be able to survive having her heart broken again.

She loved him. He was already in her heart, the risk was already there, but he didn't know this so she was still safe. So this was how she spent her nights, watching him battle with himself, while going through her own battle. She wanted to go to him, wanted to be the mother to her child but still…it wasn't safe.

* * *

Severus sighed as he cleaned up the mess from his potions. It was his turn to close up tonight, Hermione was already upstairs making dinner for them both. Warding all the doors he made his way up the stairs to join her.

"1, 2, 3" Alex's small voice greeted Severus when he opened the door to the living room. It was hard to believe that he was two. His magic had advanced greatly and Severus had found himself having to teach Alex how to hold a wand to help channel some of his power. Severus looked around the room and was reminded of what time of the year it was by all the Christmas decorations Hermione had put up, the room reminded him of the time when she had decorated Albus' chamber their first Christmas together. "Boo!"

Alex's voice pulled Severus out of his memories. He looked down and saw that Alex had come over to him and was now hiding himself in his robes.

"Boo!" Alex cried as his head reappeared, His hair was messed up and stood on end from the static that had created from rubbing it on the wool robes. He didn't leave Severus chance to reply before he re-hid himself just reappear seconds later. "BOO!"

Severus was confused as to what he was meant to do as Alex head disappeared once again. He hadn't played with Alex before, was he just to stand here as a make-shift tent for him to hide in? Playing with his son had always been a concern for Severus; his father had never played with him. What if he hurt him?

"BOO!" Alex screamed.

Severus was caught off guard and Alex made him jumped slightly. The sound of his son laughing baffled him. Was this what he was meant to do? Jump?

"Boo!"

Severus faked being startled and jumped a little again, just to be sure if this was the right thing to do. His reaction was rewarded with more of Alex's laughter. Severus smiled and chuckled. As foolish as he felt pretending to be scared by a two year old, playing with his son was one of the best moments he had ever had. The next time Alex shouted boo Severus even let out a little "Argh!"

"Dinners done!" Hermione called from the kitchen braking up their game.

"Come Alex, your mother is waiting." Severus paused mid-step. This was not good. He hadn't meant to say the 'M' word but it had slipped out. It had felt natural to say it. After all she was technically his mother but the contracted was still legal. Severus had forgotten about that scrap of parchment he had made her sign years ago.

A lot had changed since then; he had made the contract to protect both him and his heir from the surrogate mother. The idea of falling in love with the surrogate had never entered his mind. He didn't design the contract with Hermione in mind. He never imaged it would have been her to be the surrogate. But he was glad that she was. He was thankful to have her back in his life. He was proud to have her as the mother of his child. So why didn't he let her? It was something that she clearly wanted, so why hadn't he burnt the contracted already?

Truthfully, he didn't know. He hadn't really thought much about the contract. During her stay with him he had been more worried about finding himself falling in love with her than the contract. He had pushed her away in hopes of saving her from himself, never had he thought of pushing her away for being Alex's mother. It was something they both wanted and he had the power to make it so. And so he will, tomorrow he will find out that contract and burn it.

Then he will find away to get Hermione back in his arms were he longed for her to be.

* * *

Hermione looked at the clock for the 7th time, it was now 3:27am on Christmas morning and Severus was still having a bad dream. It was the worse one yet. Hermione didn't care if this was all some sort of cruel trick on his side she couldn't bare to watch him any longer. She moved from the door frame and went up to his bed. She reached out gradually towards him.

"Severus, wake up. It's only a dream." Her voice was a whisper, her hand still not touching him. She reached out abit further until she could shake him carefully on his shoulder. "Wake up."

Severus startled at her touch and scrambled around on the bed in a fury of covers and pillows. He stopped moving and Hermione saw that he was now sitting up against the headboard. She could only hear his heavy breathing, yet she knew he had wakened. "Severus?"

"Hermione?" His voice was thick with sleep and confusion.

"You had a nightmare."

"Oh." His voice was a scratchy whisper.

"Its half three in the morning."

"Oh."

"It's Christmas Day."

"Oh."

"Want to come have some tea in the living room?"

"Ok."

There was some more rustling of sheets as he moved from off the bed. Hermione looked away as he pulled on a dressing gown over his boxers, even though it was pitch black. She led the way to the living room and sat down on the couch, Severus sat next to her. He was quiet and looked to be still lost in his dreams. "Sugar?"

"What?" He asked frowning turning his head to look at her.

"With your tea. I know you normally don't take any but-"Hermione smiled sweetly trying to think of how to finish the sentence without 'you look like shit'. "You look like you could use the extra energy."

"Hmm." Was all he said in reply.

Hermione shrugged and conjured up a steaming pot of tea, two cups, teaspoons and a bowl full of sugar. She set herself to making the tea's while she watched him through the corner of her eye. What was so scary about his dream? Well there was only one way to find out. "What was the dream about?"

"What?" This seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. He looked around the room as if just realizing where he was. He turned her all the foggy-ness gone from his eyes. His eyes bore into her as if searching for something. After a few seconds he spoke. "Nothing, just some dirty cauldrons."

"Oh." Dirty cauldrons? She knew he loved his work but that was abit much. He was clearly lying but she wasn't going to press him to tell the truth. She picked up a cup and handed to him. "There you go, I put two sugars in for you."

"Thanks." He answered while still looking at her.

The silence felt heavy and Hermione hurried to find something to fill it. Her answer come as the floo fired up and three parcels, neatly wrapped, shot through and landed under the tree. Looking at them she turned to Severus. "Would you like to open the one from me?"

"Its abit early isn't it?" He raised an eyebrow. She knew he wasn't in the mood to socialize at the moment but she wanted to cheer him up before he spent the rest of the day in a sour mood.

"It is morning technically and its only the one present." Hermione said as she moved to find the present from under the tree. She returned moments later with a neatly wrapped square box. She settled herself back down and handed him the parcel. "Open it."

Severus sighed but undid the bow and ripped off the paper anyway. He was met with a mahogany wooden box which had a lid. Opening the lid he took in the three gleaming potions vials. He marveled at them and wondered what they were made of.

Hermione, as if she heard his unspoken question, answered. "They are made out of crystal."

Severus carefully lifted one out of its slot and held it up so he could watch the light reflect of them. "They are beautiful."

Hermione smiled as she spoke. "I know its not a lot but I thought you would like it more than another book."

"Indeed." Severus replied as he gently placed the vial back. He looked at Hermione and knew that it was time to give her one of her present as well. He bent down and grabbed the present and handed it to her. "Its not much of a present but I think that you should have it,"

Hermione unwrapped it with a frown on her face. She quickly opened the box that was underneath and pulled out the small urn from in side. "You gave me an urn?"

"Open it?"

"This isn't were Crookshake disappeared to?" Hermione laughed meekly but opened it nonetheless. She poured the contents on to her hand and frowned at the ashes that landed on it. "What is it?"

"The contract." Severus replied and Hermione looked up at him in shock. He stared into her eyes and moved the ashes from her before taking both of her hands. "I want you to be apart of Alex's life. I want you to be his mother."

"I…oh Severus." Her vision burled with unshed tears as she looked down at the grey mess in her hands. With shaking hands she filled the urn back up and looked back up to Severus. His gaze was heavy and she knew he was letting her see in to his heart, into what he guarded the most. A tear dropped from her eye and she buried herself into his arms. The urn was forgotten as it rolled off the couch and landed with a soft thud on to the plush carpet, it's tightly sealed lid keeping its contents from escaping.

"Shh Hermione." Severus soothed as he stroked her hair. He didn't know what to make of her reaction so he stuck to comforting her as he searched for his voice to speak the words he had long to say. His voice was thick of emotion as he finally let the words pour out of his mouth, like sand would pour out of a shattered time-turner. "I've been a fool. All this time I had you in my life and I was scared. Its stupid I know, ive faced and killed many Deatheater's but give me a woman who has stolen my heart and I will hide like a little boy. I love you, Hermione. I have for a long time and I tried to push you away like I have with every one else. Even after you had gone I was still trying to push you away. Out of my dreams, out of my thoughts, you haunted me."

Hermione's arms tightened around him but he continued. "What I have done to you is unforgivable and cowardly of me but don't let this stop you from being the mother to our child. Both Alex and I need you. You have given me two reasons to live, Alex and yourself. Don't you see? You have become my world."

"Oh Severus!" Hermione choked as she pulled back to look at him. It was all out in the open now, Severus had exposed his beating heart to her and she would do the same. She searched his eyes to make sure he was speaking the truth. Her face wet from tears she spoke in a soft whisper. "I love you so much."

Severus face broke into one of pure joy as the words echoed in his head. She still loved him. He felt like his chest would burst as his heart pumped faster. He moved his hands to how her face. He brushed aside the fresh tears with his thumbs and with a heated look he finally lowed his lips to hers to give her the kiss that spoke a thousand words.

He got lost in the taste of her mouth, the feel of her teeth scraping against his lips. Was this what being loved felt like? Hermione let out a small moan as he deepened the kiss and he felt his body respond. He pulled her close ad let out a gasp of his own when he felt her hand entwine in his hair. "Hermione."

His voice was ruff and thick with want, the sound sent silvers down Hermione's spine and another moan left her mouth. She spoke between the kiss her voice husky. "What is it?"

"We need to stop. As much as I would like us to continue, I think it would be best if we take this slow." He closed his eyes as he spoke and basked in the feeling of her tracing his neck in feather like kisses.

"I think two years of waiting is enough." Hermione answered and let her tongue dart out to swirl across the sensitive spot at the base of his neck. The sound of him chuckling made her open her eyes, not realizing they had fallen shut.

"Two years is indeed quite enough time to wait. Let me take you to my bed, I will not make love to you on a couch."

Hermione's stomach fluttered at his use of the word 'love'. "Love?"

"That's what I intend to do if you will let me." He spoke, his eyes searching hers, a soft smile playing at his lips.

"Not in your bed, we might wake Alex." Hermione said as she returned to kissing his neck.

"Do you intend to make a lot of noise?" Severus asked as he relaxed into her advances.

"If you are up to the task of making me." Hermione sighed as she ran her hands up and down his chest.

"That sounds like a challenge." Severus replied as he quickly stood up and scooped Hermione up into his arms. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her on the bed, her giggles sounding like sweet music to his ears.

Hermione quickly made work of removing his dressing gown and then helped to remove her own nightgown. Lying in nothing but her knickers, Severus stared at the beauty before him and he remembered how lucky he was to have her love and how much of a fool he was to want to throw it away.

Hermione frowned at his piercing look at her, did he not want her now he saw her motherly figure? She moved her hands and crossed her arms around her chest. "What's the matter?"

"It's nothing Love," Severus said as he lowered himself down to her and gently pried her arms from around her. "I was just thinking that this is the most, amazing and wonderful Christmas present I have ever received. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too." Hermione smiled and moved to capture his lips with her own.

_The end._

* * *

**I want to say a big thank you to all the reviews and a even bigger one to those who stuck with the story through-out. This chapter is deicated to all those who helped me write this.**

**thanks for all the surrport**

**xxx**


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